Finding Faith
by WitheringSage
Summary: Rowan Faith Danvers is facing more challenges this year; losing Abel, contending with warlocks who want her dead, and a certain blond Son who has always been in love with her and will do anything to prove it. -Sequel to "Losing Faith"
1. Time of Dying

_A/N: This would be the third installment in my "Faith" series. It'll concentrate more on Reid trying to prove himself to Rowan, and Rowan healing from Abel leaving a few months ago. There are also those warlocks out to kill her, and she still has to come into power as Keeper of the Covenant._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing from the movie_

**I. Time of Dying**

_On this bed I lay__  
Losing everything__  
I can see my life  
passing me by  
Dead, I fall asleep  
Is this all a dream?__  
Wake me up,__  
I'm living a nightmare  
-Three Days Grace_

**_Junior Year_****  
**

_They have kept me in this fetid dungeon for I do not know how long with only the rats for company. The rats are not so bad; rather, it is the dead, skeletal corpse in the corner still hanging from chains bolted into the stone wall that I find less than agreeable. I do not know what he had done to deserve a stay in here, but obviously he had died before he could be persecuted in the center of the village. Like I will be._

"_It's your day," Pope laughs cruelly. _

_I have come to hate his voice. It is poison and it infects everything. His poison has turned the rest of the Covenant against me. They are convinced that I mean to steal their powers, no; I only want to help them control them, as I was meant to do. It was Pope's power I was going to bind, for he is the most out of control, the most dangerous, most reckless. Insane. He might have been so before he even got his powers. But he was definitely addicted when he had Ascended. _

_Pope unlocks the shackles around my ankles and wrists. I have not been fed in days, and I am weak with hunger and thirst. Not that that matters too much right now, for I know today I will die. Pope nearly drags me up the steps and outside. The sun hurts my eyes after being so long in the darkness. The villagers have come out to watch my execution. There is judgment and fear in their eyes. Some shield their darling children from me, some point and exclaim that I am what the Devil looks like and to take heed._

_If only they knew._

_They spit at me, hurling curses and rotten food as I pass…_

Rowan tossed in bed.

In her dream she was locked in a dungeon…

…_and the light hurt her eyes when a man took her out. People threw things at her and spit vile curses. She couldn't figure out what she had done to earn their enmity. She felt weak, sick, and she was filled with fear. The view was different, and she realized that she was taller, and her long hair was gone, her hands were that of an old man, fingernails broken and filthy. She wore only rags._

_Rowan was more confused than ever. How had she gotten here? Where was her body?_

_The shouting increased. How could such a small community raise such noise? Up ahead, she saw something that made her ice cold with dread. It was a pyre. Her pyre. There were four men standing sentry around it. It was obvious they held some sort of status in this village._

_Who…?_

_Rowan gasped._

"_Caleb!" she yelled. _

_The voice was not hers. It was deep and scratchy with an accent she couldn't define._

"_Caleb!" she tried again._

_The man with her older brother's face stared placidly at her. Of course, she probably didn't look like Rowan Faith Danvers, his little sister._

_Or…an ancestor, anyway._

_The man who looked like Reid called silence to the crowd of villagers._

"_Today, we burn Lucius, who has been charged with the grievous crime of witchcraft!" Even here and now, the women were beguiled by his cerulean blue eyes, and blond hair that shone in the sun. They hung on his every word._

_Pope tossed her to the ground and she hit the earth with a painful thud that resonated throughout her emaciated body._

_Pogue and Tyler grabbed her by either arm, thin as sticks, and walked her up the pyre._

"_He will be tied to this stake…" Reid narrated._

_Rowan shut him out. She was near hyperventilating with fear. The pyre was at least three feet high. They pushed her against the stake, her spine digging into the wood. They tied her wrists, cutting off the circulation, then tied her abdomen._

"_Don't do this," she pleaded. "Pogue. Tyler. Please!"_

_They looked at her oddly. "You are demented, Lucius," the man who looked like Pogue accused. _

"_If you had not gone power hungry…" Tyler trailed off, shaking his head in regret._

_She felt hot tears course down her face. A face that she knew wasn't hers. Rowan breathed heavily. They piled wood, and bundles of sticks and straw around her feet, ankles and calves. _

"_Die, Devil!" the village cried._

"_Caleb!" she cried out for her brother._

_His familiar brown eyes stared at her, but not with the love and tenderness they usually had for her._

_Smoke filled her nostrils as the wood and straw began to burn. She looked down at her feet, at the flames that crept closer to her flesh. _

"_Caleb!" Rowan coughed. "Please!"_

_The villagers and the crackling of flames drowned out her voice. She felt the heat singe her feet and the toes that were not hers recoiled in pain. Her head whipped back, her eyes meeting the sky._

"_Rowan…"_

_She coughed, gagged. Rowan stared through the black smoke for her brother who had called her name. Or was it just in her mind?_

"_Rowan!"_

_But the fire was engulfing her now. She could not suppress the cries of abject agony…_

"Rowan!" Caleb shook his sister harder, trying to wake her from her nightmare. She screamed like she was in pain, and it gave him chills.

Ernie barked from the noise.

"Wake up!" he yelled.

Her eyes snapped open, and she cried out again. "Caleb!"

"I'm here," he comforted. "I'm right here."

"Cay!"

"Shh," he crooned. "I'm right here, Row."

His sister sobbed in his shoulder as he held her. It wasn't the first time. These nightmares, they were terrifying to hear. She never told him what they were about though. Sometimes she cried out his name, sometimes all of theirs, a lot of the time she said Abel's name, those two syllables rife with sadness at his absence.

"Fire," she said, her voice cracked.

"What?"

"Fire," she repeated.

Rowan felt herself coming out of wherever she had been. By now, she knew that she was experiencing a death that was not hers. But it felt real, because she could feel the pain. She could still smell the smoke, and the odor of burnt flesh. What would happen if she didn't wake up before the flames consumed her?

Her body slumped like an emptied sack. How did she get back here? Rowan looked at her brother, he so resembled the man in her dreams. But here was the concern and love in these brown eyes that the man in her dream did not have.

"You killed me," she whispered.

Caleb reacted as if he'd been slapped.

"All of you. And the fifth. You burned me," she said.

"Rowan…"

"You locked me in a cell with no food and a corpse…" Her voice was becoming erratic, and tears filled her eyes again.

Caleb shook his head. "It was a dream," he told her gently but firmly, his hands cupping either side of her face. "We would never hurt you."

"They looked like you."

"It wasn't us," he said. "You know that."

She blinked slowly, her eyes closed, and stayed that way for so long Caleb thought she had fallen back asleep in an upright position. "It wasn't you," she repeated, then opened her eyes.

Her brother wiped the tears from her face.

"Charged with witchcraft," Rowan muttered idly.

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "At least it wasn't trial by drowning." She sighed. "Been there. Done that."

When Rowan was seven years old she'd been pulled into the Gray Lands at Camp Iwanahee where witches had been put to death. A woman had been given the trial by drowning method, and had pulled Rowan into the barrel with her, almost killing her. Rowan was still afraid of water to this day.

"Time?" she asked.

"It's seven."

"In the morning?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." She smiled tiredly at her pets, Ernie, the German shepherd, Bubbe, the orange tabby cat, and Bruce Lee the ferret. "You guys are probably getting sick of me waking you up, huh? Maybe you should sleep with Caleb instead."

Caleb snorted.

"Sorry, Cay," she said, a veil of dejection overcoming her face.

"It's all right," he told her. "I'm just worried about you."

It had been three months since Abel had left Ipswich with his older brother Asher. Her Nana, Eve Delacroix, had foreseen that if Abel had stayed he would have died. His absence was like a knife through her heart. Some days were better than others, but the nights were either bad or worse. Sometimes her night terrors amalgamated into all her fears and painful experiences. The car crash, Abel leaving, drowning, and now this being burnt at the stake by men who resembled her family.

"I know," she replied. She hated worrying her brother so much. Maybe it would be better if she gagged herself at night so he couldn't hear her scream. "I didn't wake Mom up, did I?"

"I don't think so," he answered neutrally. Probably in a dead sleep from a hangover, he thought with a slight edge of agitation.

"Hey, you hungry?" she asked, forcing cheer in her voice. "I'll make breakfast."

Jesus, she's lost weight, he said to himself when she got up. His sister was small to begin with, so she didn't exactly have much to spare. But he opted not to saying anything just now. If she made breakfast, that meant she would eat and he didn't want to ruin her appetite by voicing more of his concerns.

"Sure," he said, grinning.

Rowan smiled. "Okay. Come on, you guys," she said to the animals. They hopped off the bed and scurried after her.

----

Caleb said he would do the dishes since she cooked and Rowan took him up on that. She went upstairs to shower and change, then made some of her homemade special-blend tea for her mom who used it in lieu of aspirin for her hangovers. It was nice how effective homeopathic remedies could work when you were able to add a dash of magic into the recipe. Rowan's bare feet were quiet as they padded down the hallway to her mother's suite that she had once shared with her dad. Rowan knocked softly before she opened the door. The drapes were drawn, mixing gloom with the dark.

Rowan set the mug of tea by her mom's bed and then opened the drapes a tad.

Evelyn moaned. "Rowan," she partially chastised.

"I brought you some tea," her daughter said ignoring her mom's surliness.

Her mother's eyes were fully open and she saw that Evelyn wasn't as hung over as she thought. Did that mean Rowan had awoken her with her screams this morning and Evelyn had just not come to her?

Rowan fluffed her mother's pillows so she would have some extra support when she sat back. Bubbe sauntered into the bedroom and jumped on Rowan's lap who was facing her mom on the bed. Evelyn blew softly on the tea.

"Thank you, dear," Evelyn said.

Rowan petted Bubbe.

"How did you sleep last night?" her mother asked, concern evident in her eyes.

She shrugged. "Ok."

There was no point in elaborating. It wasn't that her mom didn't want Rowan to tell her what was bothering her, but rather she felt ill equipped to help her daughter with her pain. She saw her youngest missing Abel every day, young love could be so painful, but then again, so could old love. Evelyn knew all too well the bittersweet experience of falling in love with a dashing man and having it fall to pieces no matter how hard you tried to hold it together.

"Are you and your brother ready for school?" Evelyn asked.

Rowan nodded.

Evelyn sighed. "My babies will be off at college soon."

"It's too early for empty-nest syndrome now, Mom," Rowan teased, earning a slight smile from her mother. "Besides, Caleb will be going to Harvard, so he'll be close by."

"And you, Rowan? You have plans for college as well." The tone of a mother was creeping into Evelyn's voice.

"Ah," Rowan said ambivalently, "I thought I'd go out West and join a nudist colony or something. But only for a couple of years."

"Rowan Danvers!" Evelyn exclaimed, then laughed. She shook her head slightly. "What am I going to do with you?" She smiled at her daughter lovingly.

"What's so funny?" Caleb asked.

"You didn't hear, Cay?" Rowan asked, feigning surprise. "I'm becoming a Naturalist after high school."

His eyes nearly bugged out, his sister was forever saying ludicrous things that could pummel you into left field, and he wondered why he was still taken aback by them sometimes. But Rowan grinned innocently, and he smiled and rolled his eyes.

"What are your plans for today?" Evelyn asked them.

"Staying in," Rowan said. Bruce Lee came into the room and hopped up on the bed, Ernie right behind him.

"Isn't tonight that annual party?" her mother inquired, looking at her son.

"At the Dells, yeah," Caleb said.

"Why don't you go with your brother, sweetie?" Evelyn suggested.

Rowan's face scrunched.

"You should be getting out more, Rowan," she said more seriously. "Have some fun."

She had hardly gone out at all this summer. She'd spent four weeks in New Orleans with Nana, Gabriel, Michael and Roz, but she had become a hermit again when she'd returned; except for work at the Drury Lane Bakery (which always reminded her of Abel because he used to work as a mechanic right across the street) and volunteering at the humane society she was practically a ghost.

"Yeah," Caleb said. "If you don't, I'll take you right home."

So now her brother was in on it.

"I can't believe you're encouraging an outing where delinquency is rampant," she said with mock incredulity. She sniffled. "What's the world coming to?"

* * *

**Thumbs up, thumbs down? Somewhere in the middle?**


	2. Right Between the Eyes

**II. Right Between the Eyes**

_Seek to destroy_  
'_cause they're scared of you  
That's why they try to make a fool of you  
They're so jealous of my pretty star  
'Cause you've got soul__  
inside your shattered heart__  
-Garbage_

Rowan didn't want to be here at the Dells. It was crowded, it was loud, and despite the increased volume of the music, she was fighting to keep herself awake; or rather keep herself from totally zoning out. Ironically, she was standing five feet away from a bonfire that resembled a pyre. All it was missing was the stake in the middle. Her eyes were fixed on the dancing flames that she found rudely taunting. Rowan wanted to tell the flames to quit teasing her, and was rather tempted to put the damned thing out, which she was entirely capable of. But that wouldn't have been conducive to maintaining the secret that was the Covenant, now would it?

Someone bumped into her as they passed, she didn't even bother to see who it was because she couldn't have cared less. Most everyone was here from Spensers. Her friends Maria aka Dizzy, and Pinkie were present, as was Hunter, but he was always close by her, for which she was ever thankful.

He had stayed with her for a couple of weeks in New Orleans, where they had been attacked by another warlock. So now they were down to three or four. Rowan didn't bother to search the recesses of her memory for the accurate answer.

"You okay?" Hunter asked.

She blinked to clear her mind. "Oh, yeah. Sure," she answered. "I was just watching this bonfire here." She pointed as if he needed an indication as to what bonfire she was referring to. Rowan smiled at him. Hunter was so handsome. He had wispy dark hair that touched the nape of his neck. He wore a black t-shirt with worn blue jeans. He topped six-three and a little over one-hundred eighty pounds of pure muscle. He was a black belt to some nth degree, and a telekinetic that came from a line of Shepherds – people who once protected witches. Now they mostly moonlighted as black ops. or ran companies that didn't technically exist.

Hunter cocked an eyebrow at her. "Are you falling asleep, Row?"

"No," she replied. "Who the hell could fall asleep around this?"

He chuckled. "You have a point."

Rowan snapped herself out of her robotic attitude. She didn't want to ruin the fun for everyone else. Pretty soon Caleb would be asking her if she was all right with that ever worried expression on his face – not that she didn't appreciate his concern – and insist on taking her home. It wasn't fair to him. Her brother deserved to have some care free fun; he didn't get enough of it in her opinion.

Rowan and Hunter joined their brothers who were being somewhat inundated with their admirers, both male and female. The Sons of Ipswich and their families were always a fixation of both wariness and awe. They were a mystery, a force that was fairly easy to touch but not really get close to. The girls who dated them were immediate targets for lewd gossip and blatant envy. Pogue had a girlfriend, Kate Tunney; they have been dating for almost a year now.

Caleb had some girlfriends off and on. Nothing too serious. He was perhaps the hardest one out of the four of them to truly get to know. Not because Caleb was stuck up, far from it, but because he had a lot of other worries on his mind. His alcoholic mother and heart broken sister.

Since freshman year Tyler had had a serious crush on Maria who had had a steady boyfriend back in Napa, California where she was from until he cheated on her in February during their sophomore year. Maria had sworn off guys in a huff, making it difficult for Tyler to make some sort of move.

And Reid. He was the easiest one to touch, probably with the most notches in his bedpost. He was a constant flirt and party animal. The most spontaneous and reckless out of all of them. He didn't keep steady girlfriends, they came and went like a product on an assembly line, but that never stopped girls from trying to keep a hold on him, to tame him. Some deluded themselves into thinking that he loved them.

"Rowan!" Dizzy exclaimed when she appeared.

"Finally," Pinkie said. "The clingons," – his name for the individuals who swarmed around the Sons of Ipswich shamelessly – "are amassing."

Rowan chuckled. "I see."

"How are you?" Dizzy asked, her pretty, exuberant face falling into concern.

"I'm okay," Rowan answered as casually as she could.

"Hey! Look who it is," Reid smiled. He came and put his arm around her waist, the other girls forgotten, much to their chagrin. "I'm glad you came." His eyes were locked on her intensely; he didn't bother to hide the undeniable affection he so obviously had for her.

"Yeah, thought I'd spread the joy," Rowan commented dryly. She was wearing blue jeans, an anti-dog fighting tee, black jean jacket, and black boots. Her hair was just getting longer because she hadn't bothered to get a trim all summer. Her nails were painted a neon-green.

"Hey," Tyler greeted her with a wide smile. He gave her a hug.

"Hey, Ty," she said, hugging him back.

"How was your summer, Rowan?" Kate asked. With all the girls around she had a secure arm around Pogue's waist, letting them all know in no uncertain terms that this guy was hers. Naturally she looked fashionable in her tight low-rise jeans, some sort of fancy low cut blouse and a thin leather jacket. Her mocha-colored skin was flawless and healthy.

_Oh, it was great, Kate! I lost my boyfriend, almost got killed by a warlock, and I've had extremely disturbing nightmares about being burned at the stake, getting in car accidents, and drowning to death. How was your summer?_

"It was okay," Rowan answered. "How was yours?"

"Good," Kate replied with a smile. For some reason she always felt like she had to stay on Rowan's good side because Pogue loved his little sister so much. It wasn't Rowan's fault, Kate knew, Rowan was always nice to her, but it was obvious she held an unconscious sway of opinion of the four older guys who doted on her, including Hunter.

"How was your summer, Caleb?" Kira asked, sidling into the group like a serpent.

There was instant tension.

Caleb looked at Kira warily. Before he could answer Kira turned to Rowan. "How was your summer, Rowan?" she said with a poor imitation of a sincere smile.

Kira and Rowan had once been friends, but when high school had started Kira had chosen popularity over friendship. It didn't stop her from flirting with Caleb or hitting on any of the other guys though.

Caleb cleared his throat. Rowan merely blinked with disinterested eyes. Kira purposely pretended to pick invisible lint from her genuine fur coat, before smoothing out the front like it was wrinkled. Kira grinned at Rowan, knowing that Rowan didn't approve of killing animals for clothes even though Rowan never preached or criticized anyone who did.

"How's your boyfriend?" Kira asked. "What's his name?"

"Kira," Caleb warned.

"Mr. Good Wrench," Aaron Abbot interjected.

Rowan felt Reid's arm tighten around her. Even the mention of Aaron's name could curl Reid's lips into a sneer, and seeing him in person, that was worse.

Rowan felt herself getting agitated with the mention of Abel and the overt criticism of his occupation. Abel had come to Ipswich to find his brother Asher, and had worked as a mechanic for something to do.

Hunter was standing pretty close to both Aaron and his sidekick Brody. The two of them rarely antagonized Hunter because they knew he could break their ribs with one finger. Freshman year, Aaron, Brody and another student had tried to sneak into Hunter's dorm to terrorize him, but Hunter had kicked all of their asses; shattering Brody's nose, breaking ribs, spraining wrists.

"Walk away, Abbot," Hunter said with a bored tone.

"I'd listen to him," Reid said, blue eyes as hard and sharp as icicles.

Aaron scoffed. "You're single now, aren't you Rowan?" he asked her, smiling at her lasciviously.

The reaction of her brothers was like a pride of lions uncurling from deceptively relaxed airs and shaking them off.

"She has a hard time keeping boyfriends," Kira said, eyes flicking towards Hunter.

Rowan snapped. Kira was five feet away but Rowan crossed the span with two steps so fast no one could stop her. It looked like she was going to attack Kira, but all she did was viciously pull off her fur coat and throw it into the bonfire.

"Bitch!" Kira screeched. "That was new!"

Rowan sneered. "Now it's ash," she replied coldly.

Reid laughed. Pinkie looked gleefully pleased, and Dizzy's mouth was an 'o' of surprise.

"God, no wonder your boyfriend left you," Kira stabbed.

Caleb saw the fierce look in his sister's eyes, grabbing her around the waist in the nick of time before she could claw Kira's eyes out. Kira took a step back, never having seen such rage in Rowan's eyes before.

"Let me go!" Rowan screamed at her brother.

"Not until you calm down," he said. His sister was thrashing and he actually had to hold her back with two arms. Anger certainly did lend strength to a person.

Rowan breathed hard, but her body relaxed. She swiped her loose hair out of her face. Caleb slowly let go, but he couldn't see her face now, and the second his grip was slack enough, Rowan lunged at Kira, knocking her off her feet and onto the sand. Rowan was on top of Kira, straddling her, and her fist made perfect connection with Kira's face. Kira was screaming and using her hands to try to get Rowan off of her, but it wasn't working.

"Rowan!" Caleb yelled. He tried to get her off of Kira, but her arm swung back and made contact with his head. It was an accident, but it still didn't stop her.

Hunter, although he felt Kira deserved what she was getting, swiftly grabbed Rowan's flying fist, immobilizing it, and hauled her off of Kira. He held her by the waist and off of her feet.

"You thought you were safe just because we used to be friends?" Rowan screamed at Kira.

Aaron was helping a rather frightened Kira off of the ground.

"Keep your crazy sister back, Danvers!" Aaron demanded.

"Go fuck yourself, Aaron!" Rowan yelled. "And when you're done you can go fuck Brody!"

Even Reid was surprised by this display of fury. Rowan almost never cussed, and he didn't recognize the look in her eyes. People had stopped dancing and talking, and were watching the spectacle with apt attention.

Rowan squirmed in Hunter's arms, her feet kicking back. He was holding her arms against her sides so she couldn't move those.

"You're insane, Rowan!" Kira wailed, holding her bloody nose.

"Fuck with me again and you'll lose more than your fucking fur coat, Kira!" Rowan threatened. "I'll make the skin rot off of your body, I'll make your teeth rot, you'll look in the mirror and you won't fucking recognize yourself!"

"Jesus Christ," Caleb said. "Come on."

Hunter was walking backwards with Rowan. They both knew Rowan could do those things, easily, effortlessly. She didn't even have to make a potion or say any special incantation. She could make it happen with sheer force of will.

"You'll hate what you see so goddamn much you'll throw yourself in the fucking fire just to escape yourself!" Rowan was bellowing.

"Rowan, stop!" Caleb demanded.

The rest of them were following. Since it was Hunter who was holding onto her, it was he who felt Rowan's body shaking with more than just fury. Over the summer, he had seen her eyes flash white, as white as the black that filmed over Caleb's eyes when he used his power. And it was happening now. Quickly, he flipped her around in his arms so her face was against his chest; he saw the white for a split second and hid it from everyone, including his brothers. It lasted for only a few seconds as it had the last time, it had taken a lot out of her for some reason, as if it was more power than her body could handle. And now, Rowan slumped in his arms.

"You calm?" he asked.

She nodded. They were in the woods now where their cars were parked. He set her back on her feet but still had his arm around her.

"What the hell were you thinking, Rowan?" Caleb asked.

"Dizzy, do you have a brush?" Rowan asked, ignoring her brother. "I think my hair is messed up."

"Oh. Yeah, yeah, I do." Dizzy was flustered but was always prepared for a hair, makeup, or fashion emergency. She had a small brush and began to fix Rowan's hair.

"Rowan!" Caleb demanded her attention. "Forget your hair."

"Hey, Caleb, come on," Hunter said softly.

"That was…" Pinkie grasped for words. "Wow."

"Damn," Pogue said. He let Kate go and held Rowan's hand. "I think you broke a finger, lil bit."

Rowan looked at her hand. Indeed, her ring finger was bent awkwardly. She puffed a laugh. Then laughed again. Then she couldn't stop. Tears ran down her face.

"I punch her," Rowan said between breaths, "and _I'm_ the one who breaks something. How pathetic is that?"

The slight anger Caleb had had on his face melted away. "Let's go. Tyler, is your dad home?"

Tyler nodded. Glenn Simms was a surgeon, and his mom Rosalind was diagnostician. Rowan was still shifting between tears and self-deprecating laughter on the way to the Simms' mansion. She knew she should never have come to the Dells. She was an embarrassment to her brother, she'd ruined his night. Everybody had been having fun until she'd gone spastic and ruined it.

Everyone's entitled to some self-pity, right?

----

It was past midnight when Reid and Tyler got back to their dorms. They'd stayed with Rowan while Tyler's dad patched her up. It had only been a dislocated finger, and her knuckles were swollen and bruised.

"I've never seen her lash out like that," Tyler said.

Reid nodded. Neither had he. Rowan had never so much as spit on someone before to his recollection.

"She's still getting over Abel," the blond commented.

Tyler observed his friend for any sense of rancor or jealousy at the idea. The entire time Abel had been with Rowan, Reid had been nothing but jealous, now his usually boisterous, wise-cracking friend was pensive, and oddly understanding.

"What? You think I don't get that?" Reid asked his friend.

"I didn't say anything," Tyler defended, hands held up in surrender.

Reid snorted. "I am capable of deep thought or two, you know." And he'd been having a lot of them lately, not spoken aloud of course. He was still determined to show Rowan that he could be a one-woman man, and that he wanted Rowan to be that one woman. When he felt the time was right he would tell her how he really felt about her, and he'd go from there. Overall, he figured he was doing pretty well. He hadn't fooled around with a girl all summer, and didn't feel inclined to either. And he was doing pretty good on the flirting thing. He was a natural flirt; everyone knew that, he knew that, so he just tried to tone it down instead of stopping altogether.

They turned off the lights and got into bed. Tyler fell asleep pretty fast, but Reid's mind was working too fast for the rest of his body to relax. He didn't want to wait until morning to see how Rowan was doing. He took a chance, got his cell phone, and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He sat on the cool floor and hit the speed dial he had Rowan's number programmed into.

"Hey, Reid," she answered on the third ring.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No," she sighed. "Something wrong?"

He laughed lightly. "No, I was calling to see how you were doing."

"Hmm, I'm okay, I feel like a completely idiot for flipping out like I did."

Reid could hear the wealth of self-deprecation in her voice. "Don't worry about that, Row. Kira had it coming."

Silence. "I should probably apologize."

"To _Kira_? What for?"

"I wasn't myself. Was I?"

Reid felt backed into a corner with that one. "You're just having a hard time of it, that's all."

"I'm worrying Caleb," she said sadly. "And everybody else."

Reid was about to reply when he heard her say quietly: "It'd probably be better if I wasn't here for anyone to worry about." And the breath almost went out of him.

On the other line, Rowan heard what she'd just said and how it probably sounded. "I don't mean it like that," she rushed to say. "It came out wrong." Rowan laughed shakily.

"Yeah…" Reid said, head spinning. He was glad he was sitting down otherwise he'd have done a face-plant right now. "Don't…don't say stuff like that, Row."

"I didn't mean it the way it came out," she told him. "I just meant, if I wasn't here in Ipswich." It was quiet on Reid's end. "Reid?"

"I'm here," he said. "What do you mean not here in Ipswich? You're not leaving."

"Oh…no, I'm not," she answered pensively. "I guess I can't leave."

He clenched his jaw. "Do you want to leave?"

She was silent, then a sigh broke through. "That probably wouldn't help me, huh?"

"Nah," Reid said lightly. "You're stuck with us."

She chuckled. "And you're stuck with me." But she didn't make it sound like it was a good thing.

Reid wanted to say something right. Something to make her feel even the slightest bit better. "Hey…it'll get easier, you know."

"What will? Missing Abel?"

He nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "Yeah, that, too."

Both were silent for a moment, then: "It hurts," she whispered, voice cracking.

"Your hand?" he asked dumbly.

She sniffled. "No. My heart."

* * *

**Rowan won't be freaking out like that throughout the entire story, don't worry. It was a momentary lapse of self-control. :)**


	3. Fix Me Now

**III. Fix Me Now**

_Take away the things I dream__  
One time one place one more  
__Fix me now__  
I wish you would__  
Bring me back to life__  
Kiss me blind somebody should  
__From hollow into light  
-Garbage_

"If you talked to Mr. Patterson about switching partners, he'd probably go for it," Reid suggested.

Rowan shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"No big deal?" he echoed. "You have to work with Aaron Abbot!"

She nodded absently as she chopped up some herbs. They were in her sanctum sanctorum and Reid was sitting across from her at the counter enumerating every reason why she should protest to their English teacher about partnering with Aaron Abbot on a 'getting to know you' project. Reid himself had been paired with Pinkie; Pogue with Albert Smithers, captain of debate team; Hunter was with Flora Henderson, a self-proclaimed Wiccan who dyed her hair jet black and wore more kohl around her eyes than the Ancient Egyptians; Caleb had been paired with a shy, plump girl named Judy Miller; and to Tyler's never-ending delight, he was paired with Dizzy.

Pogue, Hunter, Caleb, and Tyler were lounging in the sitting half of the apothecary doing homework and eating the homemade cookies Rowan had baked the previous day.

"Hey, guys, some help here?" Reid interjected.

Rowan didn't bother to raise her eyes at them. She was going to do the assignment with Aaron Abbot and not make a fuss about it. She didn't have the energy to protest. While her brothers didn't like the idea of her spending any one-on-one time with Aaron, Reid positively hated it.

"Don't make a big deal about it," she intoned. "It's just a few conversations and writing a one-page summary about the experience."

Reid snorted.

"Did you think of a gift for Kate yet, Pogue?" Rowan asked. She finished up what she was doing, wiped her hands on a towel and went to sit with them.

Bubbe was on her three story cat climber that was set in front of the large fish tank. Her nose was up against the glass and the two fish, Mo and Bo, were right in front of it, engaging in a cat vs. fish staring contest. Bruce Lee was sleeping in his ferret hammock in a yoga-like curl; and Ernie was sleeping on his ultra-comfy dog bed.

For the past two weeks Pogue had been stressing over finding the perfect one-year anniversary gift for Kate, and he only had five days left.

"Still searching," he said, his eyes were glued to his laptop computer as he perused jewelry websites.

Reid gave up on his tirade and sat down next to Tyler, swiping a double chocolate chip cookie.

"Are you going to let your books collect dust?" Tyler asked.

Reid glared at him and eyed his books with contempt. It was their junior year and the teachers were inundating them with homework and projects that they swore up and down would help prepare them for college.

"Whatever you do," Reid said, "don't get her a ring. She'll take it the wrong way."

The guys scoffed laughter.

"What the hell would you know about anniversaries, Reid?" Pogue asked testily.

"It was just a suggestion," Reid retorted. "Excuse me for trying to help."

"Well you're not," Pogue snapped.

"Okay!" Rowan stepped in. "This is a place where negative energy is not supposed to be expended!" She eyed all of them sternly. "Apologize."

"He started it!" Pogue and Reid said at the same time.

"I don't care," Rowan said. "You both were being snippy." When they didn't say anything, she said to Pogue: "I know your middle name," and to Reid: "Halloween '96."

"Blackmail," Reid hissed. He wasn't the only one who feared exposure of the Halloween '96 picture collection, but Reid detested them the most.

"That's not right, lil bit," Pogue said with a slight shake of his head, the possibility of the exposure of his middle name was enough to make his stomach curdle.

Rowan merely shrugged and sat back in her blue recliner.

Both instigators peered at one another. They both mumbled a 'sorry.' Rowan smiled.

"Thank you," she said. "Pogue, I brushed up against Kate at school today, and she had this picture in her mind of a necklace with eighteen karat gold oval of diamonds with a black Tahitian pearl hanging inside of it."

Pogue looked like the weight had been lifted off of him. "Have I told you how much I love you, lil bit?" he said.

"Is your psychometry getting stronger?" Caleb asked her. "You don't usually get very descriptive images."

Both she and Hunter already knew it had. She had never been particularly efficient at it, Rowan usually picked up feelings, impressions; not images, and clear images at that. But Rowan hedged in her answer anyway. "I don't think so. Kate probably just really wants the necklace." She hoped that came out casually, she wasn't used to lying to her brother.

It's been three weeks since her flip out at the Dells, and she was still trying to live it down. Kira kept a pretty wide berth from her at school, and the other students who knew either congratulated her in some way or called her crazy, behind her back of course. Rowan was beginning to think that maybe she was losing it, just a tad. When she had gone after Kira like she did, it was as if she was on the outside looking in, wondering who the hell this insane girl was. Sometimes she looked in the mirror and her reflection was blurry, she didn't know if that was her imagination or not. It's hard to tell fantasy from reality when you're a witch. You could be possessed and not know it.

----

It was the middle of the night and she couldn't fall asleep. She didn't want to, because every time she closed her eyes she saw Abel's face, and it was like Cupid shooting a too-sharp arrow through her heart. People called her heartbroken, but this wasn't the usual case of a young relationship that just hadn't worked out. Neither one of them had wanted to leave the other; and if it hadn't been for Nana seeing that Abel would have died if he'd stayed in Ipswich, he would probably be here with her now.

Rowan got out of bed, walked to her dresser and knelt down. She opened the bottom drawer and took out Abel's sweater that she still had. She brought it to her face, and the let the scent take her back. The night he had given her this to wear they'd been going back to his apartment from the spring dance and gotten caught in a rainstorm. Soaked, he gave her the sweater to put on.

The memory washed over her. They had almost made love that night, if it hadn't been for lack of a condom, she wouldn't be a virgin right now. Rowan always hoped that her first time would be with somebody who loved her, maybe a someone she could be with forever. But forever hadn't been in the cards for her and Abel. She hugged the sweater to her chest, wondering if she would experience a love like that again. It certainly didn't just happen to a person every day. Things like that weren't just around the corner; they were hidden in small places where you least expected to find it; usually happening upon it when you weren't even looking.

The notion to leave wasn't even a fully completed command in her mind. All she did was put on something warm, made sure the animals were settled, and quietly left the house. She used some magic to muffle the sound of her scooter starting. The ride to Abel's apartment was a fairly short one. At night, Ipswich's streets were near deserted. The area around Billy's garage was dark. She parked her scooter up against the wall in the shadows and climbed the steps to the small apartment Abel had lived in above the garage.

Abel had given her a key, and Billy hadn't changed the locks. When she walked in she was almost expecting Abel to greet her with that wide smile, and welcoming big strong arms. Rowan locked the door behind her. She knew the cupboards had been cleaned out, so had the refrigerator. The only things that remained were the foldout couch and a small coffee table.

Exhaustion hit her and she curled up on the couch, swearing she could still feel Abel's warmth on the cushions, swearing she felt him put an arm around her, pulling her close against his chest. Swearing she could feel his lips kiss her on the nape of her neck, and tell her she was safe, she could sleep, and no nightmares would grieve her. Because he was here. No darkness could take her so long as she was with him.

In his embrace, she fell asleep.

----

Something was off. Reid woke up early, which almost never happened. It was still dark outside. The red numbers on his alarm clock read a blaring five-zero-zero. He stuffed his head back into his pillow, but couldn't fall asleep. He would have liked to have gone back to the dream he'd been having of Rowan, but his mind wasn't complying with his wishes. Reid peeked over at Tyler who was blissfully slumbering.

_What's wrong with this picture?_ he thought peevishly.

The blond supposed he was having trouble sleeping because Rowan had looked so sad when he'd left her and Caleb's house yesterday. The talk of anniversaries had probably bummed her out even though she was excited and happy for Pogue.

And something was off…

He snatched his cell phone and speed-dialed Rowan without thinking. She was neither a light nor heavy sleeper, and if someone was calling her at this hour she would answer because she would think it'd be an emergency. But she didn't pick up. Unsatisfied with this outcome, he speed-dialed Caleb. After five rings a grumpy Caleb answered.

"'Lo?" he grumbled.

"Hey," Reid said.

"Reid? What the…? It's five in the morning."

"Uh-huh. Yeah, is Rowan there? I tried her cell but she didn't pick up."

"Maybe because it's five in the morning," Caleb said, sounding more awake but no less annoyed.

"Yeah, yeah. Can you check?" Reid prompted.

Caleb was silent. "What's wrong?"

Reid didn't have a response for that. It was just a gut feeling, but he wasn't going to say that to Caleb because it sounded completely idiotic.

But Caleb was already throwing back the covers, of which all three animals were on. He thought he'd felt them jump on his bed earlier but hadn't paid too much attention as none of them had tried to sleep by his head or lick his face. Sometimes they did that if they wandered around the house at night, going into whatever room they fancied. The three of them followed Caleb to Rowan's room. The door was open, and the bed was empty.

"She there?" Reid asked.

Caleb checked the bathroom, too. "No…"

Reid heard Ernie bark, which set off Bruce Lee in his high-pitched dooks.

Caleb went downstairs to check the apothecary and the kitchen. Nothing.

"She's not here," Caleb said, the anxiety in his tone evident.

Ernie barked again, took a few steps back towards Rowan's room, then towards Caleb. Caleb had even sense to follow Ernie back upstairs. Ernie went straight to Rowan's dresser and scratched at the bottom drawer which was open a smidge.

"What are you doing?" Reid asked, demanding results.

"Checking the…" Caleb mumbled. He opened the bottom drawer. Ernie pawed at the sweater. "Oh."

"Oh, what?" Reid said.

"Good boy, Ernie," Caleb said, patting the dog on his head before going back to his room to change.

Reid cleared his throat.

"I think I know where she is," Caleb said. "I'll go drive over and check."

Tyler muttered and rolled over, his eyes squinting at Reid. "What's the matter?" he inquired blearily.

Reid waved him off. "Where is that?" he asked Caleb.

----

Caleb dressed in jeans, t-shirt and sweater. He checked on his mom first, who was out like a light.

"Stay with her," he told Bubbe, and the cat dutifully curled up next to Evelyn who didn't stir.

Ernie and Bruce Lee were hot at his heels and he didn't bother to try to keep them at home, so he let them hop into the back seat of his car. The sun was breaking out, coloring wavy lines of orange and blue in the sky. Billy's garage wasn't open when Caleb got there, he drove around back and immediately spotted Rowan's scooter. He parked, got out, leaving the animals in the car. When he knocked on the door, no one answered, so he used his powers to open it.

"Row?" he called as he stepped into the room.

He'd only actually been in here once. The night Rowan didn't come home after the spring dance, or answer his calls, so he'd driven over here to find Rowan wearing nothing but Abel's sweater – the one in her drawer – and Abel in a pair of sweatpants. He'd been rather livid at the time. But there was no anger in him now. His little sister was curled up on the couch, looking small and alone, fists tucked under her chin.

He knelt down and shook her gently. It took a minute, but her eyes finally flickered open.

"Hey," she mumbled.

"Talk about sleepwalking, lil bit," he joked lightly.

Her own lips twitched into a grin. "Abel was here… I mean, I know he wasn't _here_, but it felt like he was."

He nodded. "Come on." Caleb helped her up, and out of Abel's apartment. It would always be Abel's apartment to Rowan.

----

Considering the pretty good night's sleep Rowan had, she was more alert during school, a bit more bright-eyed. Something that would serve her well because today she started the 'getting to know you' project with Aaron Abbot as her partner. He definitely would not have been her first pick but she figured she could tough it out. He had already suggestively proposed that they meet in his dorm room where they would have "privacy" but Rowan had politely vetoed that idea, and wisely did not mention it to her brother who would have had a stern word with Aaron.

So it was lunch time and Rowan, Hunter, Dizzy, and Pinkie were sitting at a circular table near the window that took up the entire north side of the cafeteria. Toby was standing nearby. The sky was clear and blue, emitting sunshine instead of a gray overcast.

"Reid actually turned down Amanda Harris' invite. And she was being extremely forward," Toby was telling Rowan.

Toby knew everything that was going on at school and in the students' lives. He had over forty years worth of gossip and intrigue, heartbreak and happy moments.

Rowan couldn't outright respond to Toby, so sometimes she had to communicate with facial expressions. And right now hers said: _Why? He was trying to get with her almost all last year._

"I don't know," Toby said. "He's been turning down all sorts of offers, and hasn't made any overtures either."

Rowan always took Reid's exploits with a grain of salt. She wished that he would find someone to open up to because he was really a great person and she thought that people should know it. But most girls were attracted to his bad-boy façade, the allure that went with being a Son of Ipswich. They liked to hang on his arm like an adored trinket for other girls to envy.

Her opines were interrupted by a screech of a chair pulling up next to her. Aaron was sitting about a foot away, a little too close for her comfort. Pinkie and Dizzy had gone quiet, Pinkie looking at him like he was a leper. Hunter's posture and overall demeanor hadn't changed, but his jade green eyes were observing Abbot with no leeway.

Aaron smiled at her. "So."

She was glad her hair was hanging somewhat in her face for the veil of protection it offered from his scrutiny. She leaned back in her chair a little.

"Hi," she said.

"When are we going to start on this project of ours?" he asked, making 'project' sound like something sexual. "How about tonight?"

"Uh…I have work after school, but…I guess we can go to the public library afterwards. It's Friday so it's only open until seven."

Aaron's expression was one of repugnance, like Rowan had suggested they talk behind a trash heap. "I was thinking more like Nicky's tonight." He ogled her with a slanted leer that was meant to charm.

Rowan mulled that over. She really didn't feel like being around such a loud and noisy crowd. Truth be told, being at Nicky's reminded her of Abel too much, it was where they had gone on the night of their first date after they'd had dinner.

"Come on," Aaron persuaded heavily. "Think of it like this, your bodyguards can keep an eye on you there." His eyes flicked to a table not too far away where the Sons of Ipswich were glaring daggers at him.

Rowan's own eyes cast a brief glance at her brothers. "That wasn't even a concern," she replied.

"We'll be there," Dizzy piped up. "Me and Tyler were going actually. Pinkie and Reid, too."

Pinkie exhaled like he had been holding his breath for too long.

"What about you?" Rowan asked Hunter.

"Jeez, what do you need everyone's approval?" Aaron said.

Rowan ignored him.

"Flora won't step foot in Nicky's," Hunter said wryly, "but I'll be there."

Rowan was still unsure, but: "All right, I guess."

"Cool," Aaron said. "Maybe you can wear that dress you wore at the spring dance last year."

Rowan had worn a black knee-length dress with thin straps, and decal around the bosom which enhanced her breasts, revealing just a tad bit of cleavage. Now, she blushed, jaw tightening. She didn't want to be reminded of that night by Aaron. That had been her and Abel's night. One of the best nights of her life.

"You're overstepping yourself, Aaron," Hunter warned.

"Pig," Pinkie muttered.

Aaron was about to say something crass to Pinkie, but it was the unwavering stare of Hunter's eyes that shut him up, but not without a sneer of contempt.

"See you, Rowan," Abbot said, winking as a parting shot.

"Are you okay?" Dizzy asked.

Rowan nodded. "No big deal." But whatever warmth she had massed in that hollow place inside herself from sleeping in Abel's apartment had trickled away with Aaron's presence. She cleared her throat. "I'm going to the library," she said. Rowan pushed her chair back and slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. She left the cafeteria feeling emptier than when she'd gone in.

----

Rowan dressed in jeans, double-layered black and blue camisole top, black jean jacket, and her Chucks. Nicky's was loud, Friday and Saturday nights being its most crowded. Rowan had opted to take her scooter to Nicky's so she could leave when she wanted to without interrupting anybody else's good time. She hoped to stay for no longer than an hour.

She took a seat between Hunter and Pinkie where Caleb, Reid, Tyler, Dizzy and Pogue, Kate were also sitting. Caleb's partner for English, Judy Miller was sitting next to Rowan's brother, fidgeting awkwardly in her seat. Judy was a brainiac, though shy and quiet. She was chubby with round cheeks, blue-rimmed glasses, and curly red hair. She wore a wool skirt and button down top. She probably thought she'd gone down the proverbial rabbit hole, or dropped in the Land of Oz considering she was sitting with four of the most popular guys in school.

"Where's Abbot?" Reid asked, eyes scouring the bar.

"Not here yet," Rowan replied.

"Do you want anything?" Caleb asked Judy.

Her face immediately went tomato red. It took her a few seconds to answer. "No, thank you."

God, it was probably her brother's idea, inviting Judy here, Rowan thought. Didn't he realize that this was likely the place she'd feel the most uncomfortable? It was nice that he tried to "include" her, but Caleb should have gone to one of Judy's hang outs instead. Rowan could see the vapors of ill-content coming off of Judy like steam.

Hunter left the table, came back with a diet Coke for Rowan.

"You didn't bring your partner?" Pinkie asked Pogue.

Pogue had his arm flung around the back of Kate's chair, she was as per usual, leaned slightly into Pogue so no one made any mistake that he was with her.

"I invited him, but he declined," Pogue answered with a shrug.

"This isn't the best place to have a 'getting to know you' conversation," Rowan said. "You could have gone to one of his debate meets or something."

Pogue looked disenchanted with the idea.

"Just a suggestion," Rowan finished. She looked towards the door to see if Aaron had showed up yet.

"Well, at least your partner's here," Hunter said to Pinkie.

Pinkie snorted, eyeing Reid. "Yes, I'm the object of every girl's envy. People will think we're dating." He batted his eyelashes at Reid.

Everyone laughed. Reid's mouth was agape. "I don't think so, Pinks," he said.

"I think not, too, dear. I told you, you're not my type."

"You say that," Kate spoke, "so what is your type?" She was smiling playfully.

Pinkie sighed and struck a thoughtful pose.

"Yeah," Reid huffed, "what's wrong with me?"

Tyler laughed. "You're so full of it."

Caleb turned to Judy. "Reid can't get it through his head that he's not God's gift to everyone."

Judy blushed again, not outright chuckling, but she did grin.

Reid's face darkened, but not at Caleb's words. Aaron, Brody and Kira had just entered the bar. They all followed Reid's hard stare. Judy was wondering why everyone had gone so quiet and tense. Kate had gotten stuck with Kira for the project but had no intention of trying to hold a conversation with her here.

Aaron spotted Rowan and smiled. He went straight for her.

"You came," he said. "I'm glad your bodyguards let you out."

Hunter nudged Reid under the table so he'd keep his mouth shut.

Kira sauntered up next to Aaron wearing a new fur coat. The shiner Rowan had given her was gone by now.

"Judy, never expected to see you here," Kira purred.

Judy instantly clammed up like a turtle going back into its shell.

"You play pool?" Aaron asked Rowan.

"I really don't," Rowan replied. She was a genuinely poor pool player no matter how hard she tried.

"Ah, come on, I'll teach you," he said, holding out his hand.

"You couldn't teach a beginner, Abbot," Reid spat.

"You want to bet on that?" Brody stepped in.

"Fifty says Rowan's a pro by the end of the night," Aaron said.

"Whoa!" Rowan held up her hands, eyes wide. "I am not getting in the middle of this male posturing. You guys want to play pool, go right ahead."

"Besides," Reid said, showing just how much better he knew Rowan than Abbot ever would, "Rowan doesn't approve of gambling."

Just to end the ensuing spat, Rowan agreed to at least watch while Tyler and Reid played Brody and Aaron. Hunter went over to referee.

"Are they always like that?" Judy asked when they were gone.

"Pretty much," Caleb said. "Sorry."

"Neanderthals," Pinkie intoned.

"Weird, Aaron was almost civil until Reid spoke," Kate said, stealing Pogue's drink. "I think it's because he's attracted to Rowan."

Had there been a record playing going it would have a serious scratch in it right now.

Kate looked between Caleb and Pogue. "Oh, come on! Don't tell me it's not obvious! Even I noticed that the first time I saw him around her freshman year."

Caleb shook his head. Pogue, too.

"De-ni-al," Kate sing-songed.

"Diz?" Caleb asked, knowing that she would have some pertinent information.

Dizzy and Pinkie held a silent communication. "Well…" she hedged.

"See!" Kate exclaimed.

"I never took Aaron for 'liking' girls, really," Judy interjected.

"He doesn't," Pogue said dryly.

"He generally treats girls like crap," Kate informed her, not that she needed to, everyone at Spensers knew that. "But I'd say he's definitely…"

"Intrigued?" Pinkie offered.

"Yes!" Kate said. "He's intrigued with Rowan." Then she grinned devilishly. "Out of curiosity…what would your reactions be if Aaron asked Rowan out and she said yes?"

Caleb and Pogue's faces went slack.

"My sister has more sense than that," Caleb replied crisply.

"Over my dead body," Pogue added firmly.

Pinkie said, "Kate, sweetie, even_ I _am stricken with that hypothetical scenario."

----

Rowan figured she must be getting old because after an hour and a half at Nicky's she was ready to plop facedown in bed and call it a night. And it wouldn't do to be nodding off on her scooter so she told Aaron that she was leaving.

"It's not even ten," he said.

She shrugged. "Sorry."

"Do you need a ride?" Tyler asked.

"No, I came here on my scooter." She didn't feel like winding her way through the crowd so she asked Hunter to tell her brother that she was going home.

Rowan buttoned her jacket and headed for the door. It was cold, and she regretted not wearing long sleeves. Oh, well. A car was coming into the lot, passing the parked cars just as one was backing out at bit too fast. It collided with the other sending horns blaring, and sounds of…

_The car skidded on the rode, flipped, she could smell burnt rubber through the windows…_

"Hey, Rowan…" Aaron came out of Nicky's just as the accident happened. He saw Rowan stop and cover her ears, back pedal all the way into the brick wall, and slide to the ground.

_The car flipped again, glass shattered. She could hear her bones breaking. A searing heat sliced through the right side of her head…_

Rowan crouched against the wall, shaking, and making a baleful keening sound deep in her throat.

The occupants of the car got out, slammed their doors, and began arguing with one another. Aaron had never seen someone crumple like Rowan had. Tentatively, he approached her.

"You okay?" he asked hesitantly. But she only continued to rock and stare into nothing. "Rowan?" He knelt down so he could see her face which was a mask of pure, unadulterated fear.

_Why am I not asleep? Rowan wondered. Everyone else is, no one is making a sound. _

_Alarms wailed in the distance, she could hear the mass of voices, but couldn't see the faces they belonged to…_

Aaron had no idea what to do. He figured he'd go get her brother, but when he made to move her hand struck out and grabbed his wrist. She looked at him, but he didn't think she was seeing him.

"Please don't leave me alone," she pleaded quietly.

_Why am I not asleep like everyone else? Is no one coming to help? _

"Just…let me go get Caleb, ok?" Aaron stumbled over his words.

Two fat tears fell down her face. "Please," she whispered.

Aaron was used to chicks crying to get what they wanted, he'd been around enough hysterical girls, but this was genuine, he didn't have to question that. But he wasn't equipped to handle this kind of pain.

"I can get your brother," he said again, but she wouldn't let him go. He patted her awkwardly on the back, and moved closer to her. He didn't have any younger siblings so he had no experience in soothing anybody. Aaron cursed under his breath, looking around the parking lot. "Would you guys shut up!" he yelled.

The two guys who crashed into one another were still arguing. He had his cell phone with him but didn't know Caleb's number to call.

"Rowan," he tried her name again.

_Someone finally came. She saw a blurry face, it was hard to see because blood had gotten into her eyes._

"_We're going to get you out of here, sweetheart…" the voice was saying._

_Then the face was gone._

_Come back! she wanted to shout. Don't leave me…_

"What the hell did you do, Abbot?" Reid yelled.

"I didn't do shit, Garwin," he snapped back. He'd have gotten up but Rowan still had a vice-like grip on his wrist. "She wigged out when she heard the cars crash."

Reid lost some of the anger in his face when he saw Rowan. He was immediately next to her. He stroked her hair, pulling it out of her face. He managed to tip her chin up just enough to make some eye contact with her.

"Hey, look at me, Row," he said softly.

Her pupils were dilated, eyes appearing black.

Reid managed to get her to let go of Aaron, but she just hung onto him instead. With the pads of his thumbs he wiped her tears away, continuing to speak to her gently, calmly until her eyes focused.

Aaron stood there uncomfortably, shifting from one foot to another, oddly reluctant to leave Rowan. He had to admit it was never her he had any personal grievance with, if pressed he wouldn't have been able to think of one substantial thing that was dislikeable about her, other than the fact that she hung around Garwin. Not even Kira, who had known Rowan when they were kids, could ever come up with anything legitimate to disparage Rowan for despite all her talk of Rowan being a "freak" or "insane." Well, until Rowan had attacked Kira at the Dells, but even he had to admit that Kira provoked her.

Reid was helping Rowan up on unsteady feet. Tyler came out then, wondering what was taking Reid so long who had followed Aaron out after Rowan. He got Caleb and her brother came out with everyone else in tow. They left Rowan's scooter at Nicky's. Caleb took Rowan home; Hunter and Pogue rode back to their apartment while the rest jumped into Tyler's Hummer to go back to Spensers.

Caleb texted them all a half-hour later to tell them that Rowan was doing okay and had fallen asleep.

* * *

**Don't worry, nothing happening between Aaron and Rowan. It's just a catalyst for Reid's turning of a new leaf. So to speak.**


	4. Answer

**IV. Answer**

_I will be the answer__  
At the end of the line  
__I will be there for you__  
While you take the time  
__In the burning of uncertainty  
__I will be your solid ground__  
I will hold the balance  
__If you can't look down  
-Sarah McLachlan_

Rowan woke wondering if last night was a dream. She felt the vestiges of the panic attack that left her feeling heavy and shaky, even in the morning. And yes, she had flipped out in front of Aaron Abbot. Had she really latched on to him and asked him not to leave her alone? She squeezed her eyes shut. Yeah, she had. Then Reid had come. He'd looked like an angel then, even in the night with his blond hair and blue eyes searching for her lost self, calling her back, and waiting for her when she returned.

Ernie nudged her with his moist nose. It was past ten. Time for breakfast. Rowan got up and stretched. She fed the animals before taking a lukewarm shower. She wrapped a towel around herself and wiped the condensation from the mirror. At least her reflection was clear today. But she needed a haircut; she was beginning to look like an actual witch with her long ebony tresses. Rowan decided she'd go by the barber shop today for a quick trim. First, she needed to apologize to Aaron while she had the nerve. She didn't want the awkwardness to ferment until Monday when she saw him at school. It probably wasn't a pleasant thing for someone to go spastic right in front of you and then cling to them like a lifeline. That was a lot to put on a person.

She combed out her hair and braided it, put on a pair of jeans, long sleeved blue shirt. She put striped blue and green arm warmers with thumbholes over the sleeves. Slipped on her black jacket that read Animal Police on the back in white letters.

"Where're you going?" Caleb asked. He was already dressed in jeans and gray t-shirt.

She was lacing up her boots. "I'm going into town to get a haircut."

"Need a ride?"

"Hmm…I was going to go to Spensers first to talk to Aaron."

Her big brother instantly became wary. "Why?"

She stood up and straightened her jeans. "I want to apologize for spacing out on him."

"You don't need to apologize for anything, Row," he told her.

She did a one-shoulder shrug. "Just in case. I think he was pretty freaked out."

"He didn't say anything…" Caleb searched for the word.

"Mean?" she supplied. Rowan half-smiled. "No, he was actually…kind of nice about it."

He arched an eyebrow speculatively.

Rowan's smile expanded. "People do crazy things, huh?"

He snorted. "I guess."

"What are you doing today?"

"Actually…I was going to take Ernie to the park. Judy's afraid of dogs and I thought he would be a good candidate for helping her get over her fear."

"Was she bit by one when she was a kid?" Rowan asked.

"Yeah."

She nodded. They were in the foyer now. "Hear that, Ernie? You have to be on best behavior. Charm the hell out of her, ok?" Ernie barked. "You should put his therapy-dog vest on. Makes him look professional," Rowan suggested.

Bubbe meowed, and Bruce Lee dooked. They were seeing everyone getting ready to leave but them.

"All right, you can come with me," Rowan said. She picked up the ferret and got his ferret carrier bag. She put on his harness and attached it to the clip inside the bag so he'd be secure while they were on her scooter. "Bubbe, you're with Ernie."

The siblings left, both heading to Spensers because Caleb needed to pick up Judy. They went their separate ways when they got there. With the ferret carrier slung on one shoulder and Bruce Lee's cute face hanging out, she went to Aaron's dorm room. She knocked.

Aaron Abbot looked surprised to see her. "Hi…"

Well, Rowan thought this would be fairly simple, but it wasn't. She cleared her throat. "I just wanted to apologize for flipping out on you last night and…you know."

He nodded slowly. "It's cool," he said. He ran his fingers through his hair, looked down at his feet.

"I guess I'll go…" Rowan said.

"You want to go for a walk?" Aaron said at the same time. When she didn't answer right away he said, "We didn't really get to do our assignment last night." He smiled.

That much was true, she supposed. And she didn't want to get a poor grade on such an easy homework assignment. She said okay, and they walked out of the dorms. Students glanced at them funny. Everyone knew that Rowan was Caleb's sister and Caleb's group hated Aaron Abbot, so this was about as odd as seeing a dove flying around with a vulture. When they got outside Rowan took Bruce Lee out of the carrier.

"You can walk rats on a leash?" Aaron asked.

"Bruce Lee's not a rat," Rowan corrected. "He's a ferret. Rats and ferrets aren't even in the same animal family."

"Same difference," he shrugged.

Rowan started to go on a spiel about the many differences between the two but decided against it. Oh well. They walked in silence for a while, treading the vast grounds of the academy. Some students were outside too, taking advantage of the nice weather and blue sky.

"So…does that happen a lot?" Aaron inquired. To his credit he was tentative about it.

Why she confided in him she didn't know. "Not as often as it used to."

"Is it always that bad?"

She puffed out a chuckle. "No, not all the time."

He kept going. "What sets it off?"

She exhaled lightly. "Sounds, smells." Rowan shrugged.

"Why didn't you want to be left alone?" His voice was quieter now, more curious.

Rowan could pretend not to remember that part. "I was fully conscious for the three hours between the crash and the time it took to get me out of the car."

Aaron stopped abruptly and gawked at her. "You were awake the entire time?"

She nodded.

"Jesus," he muttered under his breath. "No wonder you walk around like a zombie sometimes."

"A zombie?" she echoed.

He smirked. "Well…kind of. You're spaced out. Sad."

She was surprised he even noticed. "Yeah."

"So…are you okay now? From last night?"

Rowan shrugged. "I'll be fine." Pause. "Thanks. And thanks for staying with me last night. I know you didn't have to."

Aaron's face rouged, and he looked embarrassed from having expressed any inkling of concern or an overt gesture of compassion. And that expression changed as hastily and as abruptly as a TV channel. They were back around the dorms and Reid was standing by the stairs, arms crossed, a none-too-pleased moue on his face.

"Great," Aaron mumbled.

"Maybe we can be civil today," Rowan suggested.

He grimaced at her. "Tell that to him."

She sighed. "If you don't say anything, I bet he won't."

"I thought you didn't bet," Aaron smirked.

"Hi, Reid," she said when he was in earshot. Bruce Lee tugged on his leash and Rowan let it go. Reid scooped him up.

"See you later, Rowan," Aaron said.

"Bye," she said.

So Aaron didn't say anything to Reid, and Reid's cerulean blue eyes burned a hole in Aaron's back until he was out of eyesight.

"What'd he want?" Reid asked.

"We were getting to know one another," she said.

They went and sat on a nearby bench.

"Caleb said you wanted to apologize to him." Reid obviously disapproved.

Rowan sighed. "So?"

"You-"

"-don't need to apologize for anything," Rowan finished for him. "I know. But I thought I should because I weirded him out."

Reid stared at her for a minute, then groaned peevishly. "You're not 'seeing the good' in Aaron, are you?"

"What?"

"That thing you do," he said. "Trying to find something redeemable about a person who's full of shit. You do that, Row."

"That's bad?"

"No. But…it's Aaron. God, you're not becoming friends with him are you?" He made it sound as if she were courting the devil.

"Actually," – she cleared her throat – "he asked me out."

"_What?_" His fair complexion went mottled red.

"I said yes." Reid was so angry she couldn't hold her giggles in anymore. "I'm just joking, Reid. Jeez. You should see the look on your face."

"Ohh…that was cruel, Row. I'm sixteen and you almost gave me a heart attack."

"Aw, I'm sorry," she said, but she was still smiling.

"You have to make it up to me," Reid told her with a sweet grin.

"Right…I'll take you out for coffee."

"That's good, too," Reid said, "but I was thinking more along the lines of…a peck on the cheek."

"Real smooth," she said dryly.

He pouted. It would have looked pathetic on anyone else, but Reid pulled it off with such expertise. "I haven't gotten one in a while. I'm going through withdrawal here, Row."

Rowan laughed and rolled her eyes. She leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek but he turned his head to the side at the last second and her light kiss landed on his lips instead.

"You did that on purpose," she accused, taking Bruce Lee away from him.

"Maybe," Reid replied slyly. "How about that coffee?"

----

Reid brought their coffees over to the window table and sat across from Rowan. He'd gone with her to the barber's shop. Her hair looked fuller now that three inches had been cut off. It hung in silky waves just past her shoulder bones, and was tucked behind her cute ears. Bruce Lee was stashed in his carrier next to Rowan nibbling on some ferret treats.

"David got fired," Reid told her.

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "And I just got hired." Reid grinned.

She eyed him dubiously, but saw in a second he was serious. "I can definitely see you working here, Reid." Her eyes gleamed with approval.

"Hell, yeah. Free coffee." He was putting Rowan's preferred condiments in her cup along with the straw; he slid it over to her.

It had been a spur of the moment thing, this job. Beans was his number one place to get coffee, espresso or whatever, and he and the rest of the guys knew the employees here. He was thinking of this as part of his continued journey into a more mature, responsible individual. Just because his family was mega-wealthy didn't mean he couldn't earn some pocket money of his own. He already felt oddly proud of himself.

"So, what did you and Aaron talk about?" he asked as casually as he could.

Rowan sipped the hot liquid through the straw and shrugged. "He asked me about last night."

He concentrated stirring the sugar into his drink.

"How I was doing, how often it happened."

"That's none of his business," Reid said.

"I guessed he had some leeway considering what I put him through." She chuckled dryly.

He was quiet for a moment. "You can talk to me about it, you know." Reid knew she had stopped going to grief counseling completely after Abel left. She was still suffering from PTSD and her doctor advised her to stay on her medication for the time being. Other than that, Rowan never spoke about the accident. What she had been thinking those three agonizing hours of consciousness while trapped in a wrecked vehicle.

"I know," she said, her brown eyes seeing him warmly.

From the window you could see Billy's garage just down the street. Rowan's eyes flicked in that direction and Reid saw that warmth in her eyes shutter downwards like the slats cutting off light from a room.

"You still miss him a lot," Reid stated, but with no rancor or accusation.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he came back," she told him wistfully. "Mostly, I just hope he's okay."

He dipped his head in understanding even though he felt discouraged. But he had vowed to be patient and he was going to be.

"You think you'll ever fall in love, Reid?" she asked, her head slightly tipped to the side, chin rested on the palm of her hand.

Reid laughed. He drank his coffee to avoid answering that for a minute. What a perfect opening for him. _Yeah, I do think I will fall in love. In fact, Rowan, I already have. With you._ How well would that turn out?

"Sure, and my luck she wouldn't feel the same way," he said flippantly, his trademark smirk on his face.

"Sounds like her loss then."

"You're so sure," he replied wryly.

Rowan sighed. "What am I going to do with you Reid Garwin?"

"Love me," he said playfully.

"I already do!"

"Then we're on the same page," he told her with a wink. _Almost anyway._

----

It was Sunday night and his parents were in town for a few days and wanted him to come home for a family dinner. How Reid loved these get-togethers. Despite his inner grumbling, he loved his parents. They'd been attentive enough when he was a kid, but when he got his Power at thirteen they deemed him old enough to fend for himself for longer intervals of time and began traveling more frequently. He had missed them in the beginning, but learned to enjoy the freedom it provided him. Unlike his three friends, he didn't have his parents hovering over him, constantly reminding him about the need for discretion when Using.

Now, the Garwins sat at the lustrous dining table, eating off their expensive China with silver utensils. Meredith and Joseph had already pumped Reid for all that was going on at school; his grades, his swimming etc.

Reid cleared his throat. "So…" he spoke. His parents peeked at him. "I uh…got a job."

The still silence was rather deafening. He went back and forth between his parents, thinking they didn't approve. "It's just part-time," he rushed to say. "At Beans, won't interfere with school or anything."

They were still wordless, but then his mother smiled, and his dad grinned approvingly.

"That's great, son," Joseph said in his deep voice.

"It is, sweetheart," Meredith echoed.

"I'm proud of you. You're showing real initiative," his dad went on.

They extolled him more on this alone than Reid had expected. If he'd known that all it would take was a part-time job to accrue such accolades from his folks, he would have gotten one sooner. He left home feeling pretty good about himself, driving back to school in the fully restored Mustang he had gotten last year as a gift for good grades. He pulled up in the student parking lot, making sure his car was securely armed before stashing his keys in his pockets and heading to the dorms.

Tyler had texted him and said he was going out with Dizzy so he'd probably have the room to himself. So, naturally, to his surprise when he opened his door, Amanda Harris was stretched out on her side on his bed reading a magazine. All last year he had been hitting on her, but because he was a sophomore he was "too young." He supposed now that he was a junior he was fair game. Too bad he wasn't entirely interested anymore.

"How'd you get in here?" he asked. Reid didn't close the door.

She smiled. Her boobs strained against her tight button-down top and her long legs stemmed out of her short skirt invitingly. Amanda laughed. "I have my ways."

He nodded slowly. Things had been going so well. Hanging out with Rowan again, just him and her, getting a job, his parents approving, and now…this. Temptation. He'd been celibate for almost a year now, and though he hadn't been with as many girls as most people probably thought he had, it didn't mean that he didn't get urges.

"Are you going to close the door?" Amanda asked, eyes moving suggestively over him.

Reid vacillated…how easy it would be.

She rolled her eyes, swung herself out of bed. Like a succubus she glided to him, whispering past him, shut the door and locked it. "So," she said, tiptoeing towards him while unbuttoning her top.

Reid swallowed, eyes fixated on the breasts she was gradually revealing with every popped button. Creamy flesh was cupped by her lacy bra that left little to the imagination. She pressed up against him now, wrapped her arms around his neck. She smelled like some expensive perfume and it kind of burned his nostrils and he fought the urge to sneeze. What was it with girls who felt the need to douse themselves in liquid that was five-hundred bucks an ounce? It only served to remind him of the natural aroma Rowan always carried with her. Sometimes honeysuckle, sometimes vanilla, sometimes an amalgamation of various herbs that were soothing and familiar.

"You didn't forget how to do this, did you?" Amanda kissed the pulse by his jaw, her tongue flicking out.

He cleared his throat. "I'm not really in the mood, Amanda," he said casually, half-grinning at her.

"I think you are," she said, the location of her hand indicating the falseness of his words.

Reid's lips pressed together and he moved back. "Seriously."

She peered at him suspiciously. She was about to open her mouth to speak when someone knocked. Amanda appeared annoyed, but Reid was grateful for the reprieve. Without even thinking about Amanda's state of dress, or lack thereof, he opened the door.

Pinkie stood there, glanced passed him, saw one of the biggest skanks at Spensers half-undressed, and Reid's belt buckle undone. Pinkie sounded a none-too-subtle ahem and discreetly pointed.

"Shit," Reid hissed and turned around to get himself proper.

"Could you excuse us, dear?" Pinkie asked Amanda. "Reid and I have homework to complete. Which I am sure takes precedence over…this." He gestured to the scene like it was a tawdry soap opera.

Amanda wasn't amused. She buttoned herself up, slipped on her shoes. "Reid…last chance," she cooed.

"Buh-bye," Pinkie interrupted, shooing her off like a bothersome squirrel.

Amanda sneered at him and left, Pinkie shut the door.

"Well, that was interesting," he said. "I think I'll sit on _this_ bed," he stressed, taking a seat on Tyler's bed. "Just to be safe."

"Nothing happened," Reid insisted crossly.

"Sure."

"I'm not lying!" he declared. For some reason it was important that he be believed.

"All right, sweetie, okay!" Pinkie held up his hands in surrender. "Don't have a cow."

Reid snatched his black beanie off his head and tossed it on his bed.

"I can come back later," Pinkie said.

"No, it's cool," Reid said, still agitated with himself.

Pinkie saw the pretty blond was distressed. He wondered what would have transpired had he not come knocking when he had. Pinkie picked a piece of invisible lint off of his pink sweater vest. Oh, he just couldn't take Garwin's broodiness.

"Well, for what it's worth, you were holding your own pretty well."

Reid glared at him with a sour puss. "That's a back-handed compliment if I ever heard one."

He smiled primly. "I try." Reid didn't seem inclined to converse with Pinkie although it was obvious the blond genuinely didn't want him to leave; probably because he was afraid Amanda might come back and his previous will would be shattered. "Would you like to know _why_ you are not my type?" Pinkie asked airily.

Reid through his hands up in forfeit. "What the hell?"

Pinkie crossed one leg over the other and laced his hands on one knee. "I don't believe I would ever be able to trust you."

"Am I going to get a lecture?" Reid sighed.

"Oh, it wouldn't be all your fault," Pinkie reminded him. "But…your reputation…well, I know you're not as big a slut as you make yourself out to be."

"You're full of compliments today, aren't you Pinks?"

"But, see, I would be worried that no matter how much, hypothetically of course, you liked me, or loved, perhaps, that I still would not be enough. Like I would have to compete with all these other girls around you, which you are so obviously tempted by." He tipped his head to the side. "What would happen if, one time, someone didn't come and knock?"

Pinkie had deep thoughts, not that Reid ever doubted he did, but Pinkie wouldn't have been the first person Reid would have guessed he'd be having an in-depth discussion with.

"And it would probably devastate…" - Pinkie eyed him pointedly – "…whoever the person might be…someone who is already going through enough heartache…" Pinkie let Reid fill in the missing pieces. "If you were to succumb to temptation."

"Are you done?" Reid asked.

"Yes!" Pinkie smiled brightly. He let out a swift breath. "I love being the wizened friend."

Reid snorted.

"Did I impart some wisdom that you'll be taking with you?" Pinkie asked hopefully.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll keep it in mind." It was actually pretty sobering, what he'd just been told. And told in such a fractured way that Reid had been able to easily slip his worst case scenarios between the gaps. But he wasn't about to tell Pinkie that, he'd never hear the end of it.

* * *

**Reviews are always encouraged.**

**How's Reid's gradual maturation coming? I don't want him to all of a sudden be Mr. Grown Up, I want him to maintain that devil-may-care thing, and for him not to lose his playful, mischievous side.  
**


	5. Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?

**V. Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?**

_When you love a woman  
you tell her that she's really wanted__  
When you love a woman  
you tell her that she's the one  
She needs somebody to tell her  
that you'll always be together  
So tell me have you ever really  
__really, really ever loved a woman?  
-Bryan Adams_

"All right," Caleb said, "make sure you're depressing the break pedal, and the car is in Park before you start the engine."

Rowan already knew this, but it was good to hear it again from someone who had his license for over a year.

So, Rowan pressed on the break, started the car without grinding the engine. Her stomach clenched and her oxygen seemed cut off. Caleb knew she was nervous as hell. Her PTSD damned near prevented her from being a mere passenger in a car without smashing her stress ball to smithereens.

Rowan turned sixteen in two weeks, not that she cared. It was just another number to her. She hadn't had a big birthday party in years, a personal preference. So now, here she was, sitting in the driver's seat of her brother's clown car with him dictating to her calmly and patiently. Her brothers were inside, probably watching from the foyer's window. It was freezing in mid-November.

Caleb had prompted her about driving lessons at the beginning of the month, and she had smoothly sidestepped any such thing. What did she need a car for when she had a perfectly good scooter to get herself around on? It was nerve wracking enough being in the passenger seat. The first time they'd had a "lesson" if you could call it that for the two minutes it lasted. She'd gotten in the driver's seat, put her hands on the wheel and froze like she'd been hit by a dart with a paralytic agent in it. Once she was able to move Rowan opened the car door and threw up.

"Ok, put the car in Drive without letting off the brake," Caleb went on.

Rowan did so, struggling a little not to zone out in that place where she went during an anxiety attack.

He told her to release the break and the car began moving very slowly on its own down the expansive driveway. Rowan didn't press on the gas; she just let the car idle along at its own good pace. Her hands were clutching the wheel tightly, and she stared straight ahead.

"You okay?" Caleb asked. This was the furthest they'd gotten during a lesson before.

Rowan nodded.

"You want to speed up?"

She shook her head. The tires were crunching on the salt-sprinkled driveway that was covered with a thin sheet of snow.

"Row, are you seeing in front of you?" Caleb asked her gently. He wasn't teasing her; he wanted to make sure that his sister wasn't seeing something different than what was in front of her eyes, something in the past that wouldn't help her here.

"Nice view," she muttered. "Looks different from this side."

He chuckled. They were coming to the end of the driveway near the gate. Caleb told her gently turned the steering wheel. Always slow down a little when turning. Not that they could possibly go any slower, she still hadn't pressed the gas.

"Did you study for the written part?" Caleb asked.

She nodded. Rowan knew she'd pass that with flying colors. Who cared about the written portion right now? Not her. Nope, she was more worried about the dangers of driving a vehicle than taking a written test. What's the worst that could happen there? She'd run out of ink? Get lead poisoning? Ha-ha.

They were coming back up to the stairs, cruising along at such an automatic pace it was nearly comical.

Not trying to be pushy, he suggested, "Try it at ten, at least."

Rowan's lips pursed together and her hands unconsciously tightened on the wheel. "Okay, Christine," she mumbled, referring to Stephen King's demonic car.

He laughed. "Not Kirby?"

Rowan snorted. Caleb didn't need to say it again; he was being the patient, understanding brother in this. So, Rowan did five. They made it around the driveway in less time than the first round. After another rotation, the last one at ten, Rowan said enough, and he instructed her how to properly stop the vehicle. Rowan got out on shaky legs, her fingers were cramped, and she felt light headed.

"That was good," he said, smiling, hugging her to his side.

"Like driving Miss Daisy, only it was Miss Daisy driving, right?" she quipped.

He laughed.

They went back inside where it was warmer, shirking their jackets.

"Hey, Lil Bit, how was it?" Pogue asked.

Rowan picked up Bubbe for comfort. Bruce Lee was shouldered on Hunter. Ernie was glued to Tyler. She made a grimace of discontent. "Why do I need to learn to drive again?" she asked.

"Because it's your constitutional right as a sixteen year old," Reid said.

Rowan plopped on the couch in the sitting room. She wore jeans and a long-sleeved lavender thermal shirt. Her face was looking a little peaked, but at least the residual shakes were ebbing. Reid sat on down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. Ernie tried to get on the plush chair with Tyler, but he was too big so he settled for nestling on Tyler's feet.

"Only a few more days of Thanksgiving break," Pogue ruminated.

Reid groaned. "Why'd you have to go and remind me?"

"Nah, what he means is, only a few more days until Kate comes back," Hunter supplied.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's looking forward to _that_," Reid said pointedly.

"Shut up, Reid," Pogue warned. His cheeks were colored a faint red.

"What? It's cool. I'm happy for you." Reid smirked. "It's about time."

Pogue contemplated throwing a pillow at Reid but he didn't want to hit Rowan by mistake. They all knew that Pogue and Kate had finally consummated their relationship on their anniversary. Not that it was tacitly told to Rowan, but when you came over one morning and Kate walks out of Pogue's room wearing only his T-shirt…well. And when Reid was constantly making not-so-subtle cracks about it.

An hour later Reid found Rowan in her room at her computer, editing some home videos of the animals. She already had a Best of Bruce Lee compilation with many of his ferret hi-jinks. His war dance, his dooking, catching him red handed trying to steal various objects around the house. There was a wrestling match between Bubbe and Bruce Lee that ended in a draw.

"You know, he still hasn't returned my beanie," Reid joked, coming up behind her.

Rowan laughed. "He likes it."

Reid snorted. He touched the new beanie on his head, making sure it hadn't somehow disappeared. While she finished up, Reid looked through an open photo album that was on her bed. He made himself comfortable and flipped through the rather embarrassing photographs. Ah, there was Halloween '96. The four of them were dressed in green tights and tunics, green hats with a feather sticking out. Rowan was sitting in a wheel chair in front of them, dressed in the same get up. Ernie was sitting next to her, dressed similarly in a green tunic and hat, but with a fake quiver of arrows on his back. It was obvious the German shepherd had gotten to be Robin Hood. Bubbe was on her lap dressed as Maid Marian, and Tyler the guinea pig had gotten to be Little John.

Rowan put her computer on sleep and joined Reid on her bed. She snickered at Halloween '96. "Got to love that one," she said.

Reid groaned. "You still have this one."

She giggled. It was a picture of her and the three animals having a tea party in the garden. She was seven. A few pictures later there were the four of them sitting at the same table.

"You guys loved my tea parties."

He scoffed. "We came for the free food."

Rowan had always served real food and drink at her tea parties. She didn't find sipping oxygen very fulfilling. "Yeah, sure."

While they continued to go through the album, Reid contemplated blurting out that he loved her, here and now. Or would that be premature? Maybe a more formal setting would be better, something more official. They had been hanging out almost everyday now, either studying or whatever. Since they worked close to one another, they often met up after work, and he would drive her home if the weather was poor. To him, she seemed more at ease after these seven months of Abel being gone. According to Caleb she hadn't been on any more late-night excursions to Abel's apartment, her nightmares were even less severe. Did that mean she was possibly getting over her ex-boyfriend? Ready to move on, maybe?

Reid didn't expect her to react with similar declarations of love, it might take her some time to get used to the idea. Hopefully his gradual change in demeanor hadn't gone completely unnoticed by Rowan. He peeked at her; she had a small smile of nostalgia on her face as she continued to flip through the album. His arm was around her shoulders and his hand was twirling a lock of her hair around his finger.

He didn't realize he was staring at her so intently until she looked at him curiously.

"Reid?" she asked.

His eyes blinked rapidly. "Yeah?"

"You're zoning out on me."

Their eyes were locked. He could so easily dip his head and kiss her. That's what he wanted to do.

"I'm completely here, Row," he said with a grin. Shit, where else would he want to be? "Hey, why don't we go to the Winter Ball together?"

Rowan appeared jolted for a moment by the swift change in subject. "Kind of early for that, right?"

He shrugged. "I figured I'd get a head start. Before anyone else had a chance to ask you."

"Oh…" Her eyes glanced away, came back to him. "Is this a pity invite?"

"No!" he insisted heavily, leaned back a little to face her better.

"Sorry," she said. "I just thought… So, you mean like a date?"

"Yeah, like a date," he said. He held his breath, counted six heartbeats before she answered.

"All right… Only if you dance with me."

Reid winced. He hated dancing, knew Rowan liked to. She and Hunter had entered and won a ball-room dancing contest in the eighth grade.

"Fine, I'll dance," he said grudgingly, corner of his mouth tweaked with a grin. "Slow ones."

"Deal."

----

Reid grumbled, trying to get his tie right. He'd never get the hang of knotting these stupid things. Chokers, that's what they were. The five of them were getting ready at the Danvers' estate. Rowan had told him that she would just meet him at Spensers so he wouldn't have to make a double trip, but Reid wasn't having that for their first date.

"Trouble?" Tyler asked, seeing Reid struggle.

"No," he grumbled.

Two minutes later he was about to drop an F-bomb. Hunter rolled his eyes.

"Dude, here." He had Reid's tie corrected in less than a minute.

The other guys snickered. Reid was about to bite back until he saw Bruce Lee headed for his jacket. The ferret liked to use the sleeves of almost anything as play-tunnels.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Reid censured. He snatched his jacket off the bed. "Damn troublemaker."

The rest of the guys circumspectly checked where their jackets were, too. Caleb, more than the others, knew all too well the odd places Bruce Lee liked to hide. He had asked Judy to the Winter Ball, much to the surprise of everyone, except maybe his sister. Not that she'd been expecting it, but because she knew Caleb wasn't especially shallow. Judy was nice, and was even getting used to Ernie. They weren't officially dating but Caleb wouldn't mind seeing where it could go.

Tyler was going with Dizzy, after many days of deliberation and hesitation, he'd finally asked her.

----

Pinkie, Kate, Rowan, Dizzy and Judy were in Rowan's room getting ready. Rowan wasn't used to these crowded make up sessions. It was usually just Dizzy, Pinkie and her; not that she resented Kate's and Judy's presence. She liked them both well enough.

Rowan felt a little guilty for trying to have a good time without Abel. She knew he would want her to go on with her life, but the very fact that she didn't know if he would or could come back always made her hesitate. She still loved him and thought about him everyday. She had even missed him on her birthday, the day she had gotten her driver's license, the day she had gotten her car. It was a dark blue Jeep Wrangler, something she had mentioned before the car accident, something she had forgotten after; perfect for someone her size who had pets traveling with her.

"This okay?" Rowan asked Dizzy uncertainly.

For the dance Rowan had opted for a floor-length turquoise satin dress with a light floral pattern made of sparkling beads and rhinestones. Dizzy was wearing a knee-length silk cocktail dress; Kate's was strapless and purple; Judy's was a floor-length black dress with trim around the waist that gave her a more slimming figure. Pinkie was in his usual flare. White tux with silk blue vest and bow tie.

"Beautiful," Dizzy said, smiling wide.

Ten minutes later they were all crammed in Tyler's Hummer. Twenty minutes later they were at Spensers, hustling inside to the dance hall to get out of the cold. To Hunter's surprise, Gabriel was waiting right inside, leaning against the wall very nonchalant, like he'd been waiting there patiently for hours.

"Hey," Hunter said.

"Hey, yourself," Gabriel said back.

The two guys hugged, walked close together into the hall. They found two circular tables and pushed them closer together.

"We have to go take our picture," Kate told Pogue, and he winced. "Come on!" she said, dragging him.

Dizzy snatched up Tyler's hand. "Us, too. You're not getting out of this." But he went willingly enough.

Caleb looked at Judy. "Shall we?" She blushed and took his proffered elbow.

It was Pinkie, Hunter, Gabriel, Rowan and Reid left at the tables.

"When it's less crowded?" Rowan suggested.

"Okay," he said. There were picture phones all over the damned place anyway, no need to stand in line to get one taken. But he'd have done whatever Rowan wanted, so if she wanted to wait, then that's what they would do.

She looked really beautiful, Reid thought. He had already told her so twice, and she'd blushed both times.

Hunter discreetly observed Rowan and Reid. So, he'd gone and asked her out. He had waited a good portion of time, Hunter thought, and wasn't being pushy, that was good, too. He wasn't entirely sure if Rowan was ready for a commitment, however. Hunter had no idea if Reid planned to tell Rowan about how he felt tonight. His best friend was nervous, probably feeling a little guilty, too. Hunter always figured, deep down, Rowan was in love with Reid, too. She was just too self-aware to let herself drown in someone who couldn't reciprocate those feelings. And she had never let her love for Reid stop her from taking the chance on another person, as she'd done with Abel, who had deeply loved Rowan in return.

Pinkie had told Hunter about that close-call with Amanda Harris in Reid's room a couple of months ago. Definitely a close-call. But they'd never know what would have happened if Pinkie hadn't have knocked when he did. Maybe they weren't giving Reid enough credit.

It had been shaky ground with Rowan those few months after Abel. Hunter had been afraid that one of those warlocks would come and Rowan would be too depressed to defend herself until he got there. He was worried she wouldn't have the strength to do it. Everyone had a breaking point.

_To really love a woman/to understand her – you got to know it deep inside…_

The song came on like a curtain opening, Reid spoke first. "Want to dance?" He smiled at Rowan's surprised expression, but she took his hand and they found a spot on the floor. He pulled her close, his arm around her waist, a hand holding hers while her other was rested on his shoulder.

…_Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms/You know you really love a woman…_

This song was plain serendipitous, Reid thought. Should he tell her now? Or in a more private setting? He didn't want to put her on the spot, but that would likely happen no matter where or when he told her. No…he figured he'd just enjoy the dance now.

…_she needs somebody to tell her/that it's going to last forever…_

"What's that look on your face, Reid?" she asked.

His grin was crooked. "What look?"

"Like you want to say something but don't know how to say it."

_Read my mind, why don't you?_ Reid shrugged. "I was just thinking about how beautiful you look, but I already told you that, so…"

Rowan laughed, turned her head slightly to the side to avoid looking at him.

…_To really love a woman/let her hold you till you know how she needs to be touched…/Till you can feel her in your blood…/You know you really love a woman…_

"Why did you ask me to the dance? You had girls lined up at your door," she said, trying to keep her tone light.

He tipped his head to the side; eyes scanned the room then came back to her. Always back to her.

…_When you love a woman/you tell her that she's the one/She needs somebody to tell her/that you'll always be together…_

"Rowan, I'd much rather spend my time with you than anyone else," he said. "I don't think you get how amazing you are."

Rowan's pulse sped up. She sensed a can of worms opening. She shouldn't be here. It was too soon. She still dreamed about Abel, still took his sweater out of her drawer and clutched it to her chest so she could feel closer to him.

…_You got to give her some faith – hold her tight/A little tenderness – got to treat her right…_

"Don't worry," he said softly, pulling her closer so it was just them. "I know you still miss Abel, and that you love him. And I know he loved you, too, like you deserve." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "But…I love you, too, Rowan." There he said it. Holy shit.

"I know you do, Reid," she replied.

He paused. _Ah, damn it._ He shook his head furtively. "No, I mean I _love_ you." Reid saw the crystal clarity dawn on her face. He rushed to say, "I'm not asking you to say anything back. I'm not asking for anything, ok? I just needed you to know that I'm here…when you're ready."

…_When you love a woman/you tell her that she's the one…_

"Oh, Reid…" She bit her bottom lip. "I know that…but…maybe you just think you love me because I'm safe."

"What?"

"You've never tried to get to know another girl. With me, you don't have to worry about rejection, and you know that."

He was already shaking his head. "No. I thought about that. But I've always come back to you. It's _always been you._"

…_She needs somebody to tell her that it's going to last forever…_

"Reid…"

"Look, I know I screw up a lot." His forehead was nearly touching hers now, the hand that was holding hers was being held against his heart. "And I know my…behavior with other girls wouldn't leave you thinking the best of me. But for you, I can be better. I _am_ better with you."

…_So tell me have you ever really…_

Rowan wanted to believe him. She did. It was still too soon, and she wouldn't ever use Reid as a rebound.

"If there's one thing in life I've never doubted," – Reid made sure if she heard nothing, then she would hear this – "it's that I love you. I always have."

…_Really, really ever loved a woman…_

_

* * *

_**Ok, I hope that wasn't too melodramatic. I was initially going to wait until New Years for him to tell her, but I thought I was dragging it out. Now, new challenges must begin.**

**Throw reviews at me! :)  
**

**I have a picture of Rowan's car in my profile. And I finally have an image for Gabriel and Michael. In my profile, too.  
**


	6. Please Forgive Me

**VI. Please Forgive Me**

_Don't deny me  
This pain I'm going through  
Please forgive me  
if I need you like I do  
Please believe me  
__Every word I say is true  
Please forgive me I know not what I do  
__Please forgive me I can't stop loving you  
-Bryan Adams_

They were parked at the Dells. The heater was on but the windows were open just a smidge so the windows wouldn't fog up. Reid and Rowan had left the dance in Reid's Mustang to be somewhere quiet where they could talk, even though neither one of them had said a word for the fifteen minutes they'd been here. Reid was second-guessing his decision of telling Rowan. When the song had ended she'd excused herself to the bathroom for twenty minutes, then came back and said she wasn't feeling well and would he take her home. She hadn't really wanted to go back home, just wanted to leave the dance and its crowd. Reid was game for that.

Rowan was staring out the window, clutching her jacket tightly around her. "How long have you…?"

He gathered his thoughts so he could answer her as clearly as possible. "Forever. I knew I felt differently about you when I kissed you for the first time, but I just didn't know the words for it. I guess I was…twelve when I figured it out."

She didn't say anything for a minute. Her mind was still reeling a little bit from his confession. It changed everything, tilted her world a good one-eighty. "You waited until now," she said quietly. God, there were so many things rushing through her head it was hard to catch them and compartmentalize.

He sighed a little. "Row…I knew when I told you I didn't want it to be an idle thing. Until now, I didn't think I was mature enough to be the kind of person you deserved."

Rowan's jaw clenched and her eyes shut tightly until she saw little sparkles behind her lids. She was beginning to feel irrationally angry, maybe because it was better than being confused, bewildered, lost. She was biting her tongue so she wouldn't say the heated things that were coming to mind. She wouldn't be petty.

"I know you're holding back, Rowan," he said. "Say everything that's in your head."

Rowan jerked her head side to side. Her nails bit into her palms, she tasted the bitter copper of blood from biting the inside of her cheek.

"You're trying not to hurt me," Reid said, his voice a little louder. "Get it out."

She swallowed a jagged lump in her throat and tried to catch her breath. "You wanted to just sew your proverbial oats before you told me," she bit out between clenched teeth. She turned to face him now in her seat. "You wanted to get that out of your system first. It was always okay for you to mess around but whenever I…you hated it, and tried to make me feel bad about it." When he continued to look at her, waiting, she went on, "Do you know how it felt for you to kiss me and then I had to see you go around with a bunch of other girls a few days later? You were partially right about something. The way you are with them altered my idea of you. I didn't think less of you, but I knew I wouldn't be able to trust you with my heart. I'd worry that you'd get tired of me, that I couldn't keep up with you…whatever you wanted."

"You think I want you just for sex?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't know what you want from me!" she nearly yelled. When tears gathered in her eyes she turned her back to him again.

Reid waited a minute before speaking. "I hurt you," he stated, guilt, regret both in his voice, contrition too. "I wish I could change that, but I can't. I even understand that you would have a hard time trusting me, I expected that."

Her forehead settled against the cool window, her outburst had taken away the fury. She shook her head slowly. "It's not your fault. I'm honestly not even mad at you for it. I didn't tell you so I never expected you to know."

So like her, he thought. And he had to ask. "Rowan…do you love me?" He didn't have to clarify how he meant that.

She didn't answer for what seemed like forever. Then she sighed like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She knew she couldn't lie. It reminded her of that quote by Homer: _Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another._

"Yeah," she finally said, raising her head from the glass. "I just never let it stop me from falling in love with someone else who might feel the same way."

And that was something Reid had always admired about her. No matter the pain something could bring, she wouldn't let that scare her off, especially if it was love. But he couldn't stop the thrill in his heart knowing that she was in love with him, too. It meant there was a chance, right?

"I just don't know if I can…"

"Trust me?" he said the words for her.

She shrugged one-shouldered. Rowan could only imagine the talk that would come from being with Reid. Most of the girls at Spensers were vindictive and cruel; they spread hateful gossip like a miasma. On the surface, Rowan didn't care what they thought, but that didn't mean she never tired of it.

"Tell me this then," he said. "Is there at least some chance…?"

Her head was leaning on the window again, but facing him. Did she want to be with Reid? Expend such energy in bridging a gap like this? She still ached for Abel, and she did not know if it was too soon to… To what? she asked herself. Be in another relationship? Rowan couldn't muster a definitive answer. She knew Abel wouldn't want her to be alone, to be sad and hurt like this.

"Maybe…" she whispered. "I don't know."

"I know you still miss Abel. And I don't want to push you into anything. We can go as slow as you want."

She was instantly wary.

"It is _not _about sex, Rowan." Reid chanced it. He reached over and clutched her hand. Her fingers were cold.

His blue eyes were bright even in the darkness of the car. She could see them clearly. The intensity of his truth, his dedication. It was coming off of him in waves. How could she doubt them when she was seeing the aura of it? She partly wished her mind was just playing tricks on her. That she could close her eyes and it would go away. Rowan could never dismiss Reid though. She had seen the changes in him this past year. He was still his spontaneous, mischievous self, but there was a new focus of responsibility in him; his schoolwork, his job. He was never late, never slacked off; he took pride in his work. And she was proud of him for it.

Finally, to his relief, she nodded. But said, "I don't think I can take more heartache, Reid," she said simply. "I'm so tired."

He nodded. She was squeezing his hand in return. It was something. It was a start. A step forward that they were taking together.

----

"So, what do you know?" Hunter asked Gabriel.

The two of them were in Hunter's apartment that he shared with Pogue. Hunter had shucked his tux for sweats and t-shirt; Gabriel had done the same using magic.

"_Je ne sais pas_," Gabriel replied. "I just wanted to see you."

Hunter smirked. "Out of all the nights that Reid decides to tell Rowan he loves her?"

The Cajun sorcerer put an innocent look on his face. "_Quelle surprise, non_?" On Hunter's bed, he propped himself up on his elbow. Unfortunately, he couldn't very well come out and say to Hunter that his grandmère, Eve Delacroix, had dispatched him out here to make sure no one interrupted Reid's declaration of love to Rowan. Sometimes things just had to go a certain way.

"You knew he was going to do it tonight. What are they, soul mates or something?"

Gabriel glanced away, then back at Hunter's jade eyes.

"I was joking…" Hunter began, but trailed off. "…seriously?"

Well, since the cat was out of the bag. Gabriel shrugged. "Is it really so surprising?"

Hunter stretched out on the bed. "Guess not. Reid's loved her for a long time."

"_Oui._ And he'll need someone to have his back," Gabriel said. "There will be a lot of scrutiny and doubt against him."

Their conversation paused when the door to the apartment opened and closed. The muffled voices of Kate and Pogue waffled to them. There was a giggle and squeal and another door shutting. Pretty obvious what those two were getting into. It brought images to Hunter's mind with Gabriel. When he did teleport over, they didn't always make love. Sometimes they talked, or just slept holding one another. It'd been like that for a little over a year now.

"Lot of love going around today," Hunter mused.

They were both laying on their backs, two large men taking up a queen sized bed. Gabriel's crooked finger reached over and caressed Hunter's cheek. Hunter closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Gabe's finger running down his face, over his jaw line, tickling the side of his neck.

"_Je veux être avec toi," _Gabriel whispered.

Hunter had picked up a lot of words and phrases from Gabriel since they'd become lovers. Sometimes when he was half asleep he could hear Gabriel softly crooning to him in French. Hunter opened his eyes and turned his head to him.

"You are," Hunter replied.

Gabriel shook his head lightly, his hair rasped against the pillow. "_Non. Tu es mon homme?"_

Hunter had never asked Gabriel if he saw other men. He didn't want to hear the possibility of Gabriel saying yes. "That's what you want?" he asked.

Gabriel smiled. "I've wanted it for a long time. _Moi et toi_."

"That makes both of us," Hunter said.

----

It was ten in the morning and Reid was at work. The manager of Beans, Ted, had called him and asked him to come in early because another employee was sick. Normally the blond wouldn't have even been conscious to take the phone call, but he'd been up half the night, off and on, thinking about Rowan and their conversation, going over it backwards and forwards. He had ended up dropping her at home around eleven-thirty, she'd given him a small smile and peck on the cheek before going inside. Yeah, it had been one emotional night, but Reid still felt hopeful, glad that things were in motion.

He was in his own little world, wiping down the tables, cleaning the coffee machines. It kept him focused, he liked his job. Only one more week until Christmas vacation, which served to remind him that final exams started on Monday. It was snowing outside, the sky was gray, people were bundled up in thick clothing. There were only three people in the store right now. One guy on his laptop sipping a cappuccino, one girl about college age reading a book, another patron reading the newspaper. Two more people came in and Reid looked up from the counter to see Hunter and Gabriel walking in.

"Hey, what's up?" Reid said.

"Are you seriously up at this hour?" Hunter asked. He and Reid did that guy-hand shake thing.

Reid shrugged. "I have responsibilities now," he said. He smirked at Gabriel. "Still here?"

Gabriel grinned. "Can't stay away," he said, eyes flickering at Hunter.

"Apparently," Reid answered. "What'll it be?"

Hunter rattled off their orders, and they sat on the stools at the counter. Reid worked the espresso machine like it was nothing, looking perfectly at home here. Gabe took a sip, licked his lips.

"_Tres bien_," he said.

"Damn right it is," Reid said.

"You're so modest," Hunter deadpanned.

"How's Rowan?" Gabriel asked.

Reid's face went slack, then he peered suspiciously at Gabriel. "Figures," he muttered. "She's…fine."

"It'll all be fine," Gabriel said definitively, dark eyes locked on Reid so his point was understood.

"You want to stop being cryptic now?" Hunter asked Gabriel. "It's too early."

"The bickering begins," Reid said.

"I thought I was being clear," Gabriel said.

Reid smiled, shaking his head with a roll of his blue eyes, and went to help another customer. Fifteen minutes later he was out back taking out the garbage. He heard a woman swear and he looked down to the left to see Crazy Sadie Morton hovering over the engine of her beat down truck. Crazy Sadie Morton was one of those small-town recluses that everyone in town knew but didn't really know. She lived up in the hills in what Rowan said was an actually well-kept, cozy cottage. Sadie didn't like visitors, she tolerated few, Rowan being one of them. Reid wasn't sure when 'crazy' got tacked on to Sadie's name. He'd been two years old when she had lost both her husband and young son in a store hold up. She had been at home, her husband and son had been coming back from a ballgame, stopped at a gas station on the way back home, got caught in the cross fire.

She came into town for the essentials, her old truck making a racket as it came and went. People usually broad-stepped her or stared. Reid had to admit he'd been guilty of calling her Crazy Sadie more than once.

It was Rowan who had befriended her at seven years old. Ernie had gotten off of his leash when they were in town and had gone right up to Sadie Morton and sniffed her, politely of course. Naturally, Rowan apologized, addressing her as Ms. Morton, and then had gone on a spiel about Ernie, Bubbe and Tyler the guinea pig while Crazy Sadie had stood there patiently listening to a little kid rattle on about her pets until Evelyn had found her. Later on, when Rowan found out that Sadie Morton lived all alone, she had asked her mom to take her up to Sadie's cottage. She'd baked cookies and taken a homeless kitten from the humane society she was fostering in hopes that the feline and Sadie would take to one another. And they did.

And Sadie Morton never went anywhere without her cat, Miles, in the nine years they'd been together. He was a plain gray tom that Reid could see sitting in the cab of the old truck right now as Crazy Sadie tried to get her truck to work. She was wearing old jeans, thick gray coat, big winter boots. Her hair was wild and grayish-white, her face creased with wrinkles and settled grief long accepted. Reid figured she could not have been older than forty-five but she looked something past fifty. He supposed that's what heartache did to a person.

"You need help?" Reid called, walking over to her.

Sadie's head snapped in his direction. "No, young man. Return to your work," she said, voice gruff, dismissive.

Reid stood there in the cold, waited a minute. "I can look at it for you, or help you get it to Billy's garage." Reid's knowledge of cars was slim. He knew how to change a tire, knew where the battery was, a few other things, but that was it.

Sadie scoffed, but she stopped tinkering with the machine. She made a sweeping, jerky gesture with her arm. Reid took that as a go ahead. He looked at the guts of the truck.

"Why don't you get a new truck?" he asked. "You've had this forever."

She made a sound which Reid could only characterize as a cackle. "Boy, not everyone has money to shell out to buy new contraptions. 'Sides, nothing wrong with my truck. It's just having a bad day."

Reid nodded indulgently, turned back to the engine. "You want to get behind the wheel to start it up?"

Sadie grunted and did so. Probably didn't want to talk to him anymore than she had to.

When Reid was sure she couldn't see him, he used his powers to fix whatever was wrong with her piece of junk. "All right," he called. The engine purred to life. He replaced the hood.

Sadie had a sour look on her face. "Say hi to Rowan for me," she said in lieu of a thank you.

"I will," he said, and she was off, truck chugging along with her. Leave it to the girl he loved to make friends with a character like that, he thought.

Reid hurried back into the shop where it was warm. Gabriel and Hunter were still there, but Rowan had joined them. His day brightened. She saw him, gave a tentative smile like she wasn't sure she should be here. He did away with her doubts by giving her a rather chaste peck on the cheek.

"I'll get your coffee," he said, not even having to ask her what she wanted or how she took it.

"Thanks." When he brought it to her, she asked, "Was that Sadie? I thought I heard her truck."

He half-grinned. "I think everyone in town heard her truck. Why doesn't she just get a new one?"

Rowan blew on her coffee. "That was her husband's truck."

"Oh," he said. He supposed that explained it.

The morning crowd was starting to file in so he had to get back behind the counter. Harris clocked in two minutes later to help him out, he had been working at Beans for five years now.

Rowan finished her coffee with Gabriel and Hunter, checked the time. "I have to get to work," she said.

"How long are you working today?" Hunter asked.

"Just until four. It's the holidays, everyone wants their cookies made." She shook her head. "It's so much better to make them at home." Rowan wasn't really into the holidays so much as the baking that went along with it. She saw that Reid had gone in back for something, but really couldn't wait around.

"I'll tell him," Hunter said.

"Thanks." She kissed both Hunter and Gabe on the cheek, bundled up and left Beans to walk down the street to Drury Lane Bakery.

----

It was around four when Reid walked into Drury Lane Bakery. He always did like the smell of the place. Fresh baked bread, cookies, pies, donuts. He saw Rowan wrapping up an order for Old Lady Fran who, to him, had always smelled like moth balls. She wore a wide brimmed hat with fake flowers in the spring, but since it was winter she was wearing ear muffs with flowers instead. She had on a pink Eskimo winter coat, acid-washed jeans with pink Ugg boots over the pants. Her old VW bug was pink, too.

He heard Old Lady Fran wish Rowan a Merry Christmas in that old lady's voice of hers before leaving the store. Rowan looked up from the counter and smiled at Reid. No one else was in the shop so he figured it okay to approach the counter.

"I get off in five minutes," she said.

"Oh, it's all right, Rowan, you can leave early," Lacey, the owner of Drury Lane Bakery said, coming out the back. When her best worker opened her mouth to protest, she waved it off. "Go on, now." She smiled at Rowan. "Hello, Reid."

"Hey Miss Mell," he said.

"Not for long," Lacey tittered, showing off her engagement ring.

Reid's brows rose. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Lacey rolled her eyes, obviously peeved that he didn't already know. For a small town, sometimes…

"Soon to be Mrs. Billy Rawn," Rowan said smiling.

"You're marrying Billy?" Reid asked as if he couldn't believe it. Billy was the mechanic that worked right across the way.

"I finally got him to pop the question," Lacey said, looking at her ring conspiratorially.

"Oh, you guys having a baby?" Reid blurted.

"Reid!" Rowan hissed.

Lacey stared firmly at Reid for an agonizing moment. "Are you implying, blondie, that I wedlocked him?"

Well, the blond certainly realized his gaff. "No…" he stuttered. "I just thought…"

"Or are you saying I'm fat?" Lacey put her hands on her hips. "Is that what you're saying?"

Reid's face was turning scarlet and his eyes were wide, his mouth in a perfect 'o' trying to figure out something to rectify the situation. Rowan and Lacey exchanged glances then burst out laughing.

"I'm just messing with you," Lacey giggled. She examined her full figure. "Billy doesn't want me to lose a pound."

"That's good," Reid fumbled. "More cushin' for the-"

"Ok-ay!" Rowan interrupted. She stepped out from behind the counter, retrieved her jacket, scarf and beanie. "I'll see you on Monday, Lace."

"Bye, sweetheart!" Lacey called.

Rowan pulled Reid out of the bakery by the wrist. "More cushin' for the pushin', Reid? What the hell?"

"That's supposed to be a good thing!" he insisted.

"How would you know?" she asked. "All the girls you've been with looked like typical supermodels."

Reid quieted.

"Yup," Rowan said, smirking. "That's what I thought."

Reid wasn't sure if she was mad at him or not. But then she smiled.

"You can be really silly sometimes, you know that?"

"Isn't that part of my charm?"

Rowan sighed indulgently, as if to say 'what am I going to do with you?' She shivered. "Are you on break?"

"Nope, done for the day," he said. "All yours."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something. But can we get out of the cold?"

"Yeah." He looked around the lot for her car.

"Cay drove me here," she said. "He was coming into town anyway."

He nodded and they walked the block to Beans and got into his Mustang. "Where to?" he asked. She shrugged, now that they were idle she seemed unsure. "Did you eat lunch?" She shook her head. Reid just nodded and started the car, drove the five minutes to the local diner. Living in a small town had its benefits.

Rowan didn't say anything to him as they drove through the snowy streets. She was rewording her speech in her mind, rethinking how she'd come to this point. Reid had dropped her off at home before midnight and she entered the large mansion she'd lived in all her life feeling confused and torn. Her mother had been in the sitting room, waiting up. Rowan heard the slur in her mom's voice when she commented on the early hour.

"I wasn't feeling well," Rowan answered, stepping into the edge of the room. Not a complete lie.

"Get changed and come sit with me," Evelyn said.

Rowan was back in the sitting room within fifteen minutes. Bubbe was on her mom's lap, Ernie in his dog bed, Bruce Lee with him. Rowan lay out on the couch next to her mother. Evelyn was drinking white wine, but Rowan wasn't sure how many glasses she'd had.

Evelyn glanced at her daughter affectionately, wistfully almost. Then Rowan listened to her recite her first date with William Danvers III. It was a story Rowan had heard many times, usually at her behest, before her dad had left. She was the daughter who had wanted to know how her parents had met, what their first date was like, how and when did Dad propose, what was their wedding day like. An hour later Evelyn had started to nod off and Rowan had helped her up to her bedroom and into bed.

By then Rowan was wide awake, listening to the grandfather clocks that were spread out around the mansion. Really, without thinking, she'd gone to her sanctum sanctorum, took out her scrying tools, and searched for Abel. After ten minutes of concentration she'd felt the air shift, saw the mirror change. Rowan didn't get a clear image, never did, but the feel of what was going on with Abel had been stronger than ever. She could feel his drive, his sense of purpose for what he was doing, his ever-growing peace and understanding in and with his life, the strengthening of the bond with his older brother Asher; and the love he had for her and his wish that she was happy and cared for.

And she'd woken up on the floor. Her eyes must have flashed again, she always felt drained when that happened. She didn't get up right away, just lay there on the cool floor, feeling her own sense of resolve come over her. Abel would always have a place in her heart, and she knew he felt the same way of her. But sometimes…you had to loosen your grip if what you were holding to kept you from moving.

Slowly, she had risen from the floor, went up to bed, crawled under the covers and thought of Reid, contemplating their relationship up to this day.

Now, Reid and Rowan sat at a booth in the back of the diner, waiting for their orders. They'd shucked their thick coats. Reid waited patiently for what she had to say, but the longer the silence went on the more anxious he got.

"I said something wrong last night," she began. Her hands were clutched on her lap, she concentrated on the deep purple of her polished fingernails.

"What?" he asked.

She took a little breath, then met his eyes. "When I said I couldn't trust you with my heart. I was wrong." She paused, briefly. "It's not fair to judge you by what you've done with other girls, because that has nothing to do with me. You've never given me a reason in all our lives not to trust you because you've always been there for me. And I made it sound like you're not trustworthy and that couldn't be further from the truth."

Reid didn't know what to say. But he was glad she felt that way.

"And I didn't say it plainly enough to you last night. That I love you." She gave him a smile that flickered and a short shrug.

He grinned. "You're the only person in the world who can leave me speechless like this, you know?"

Rowan chuckled, then she sobered. "The thing is…I worry that I'll disappoint you."

A flash of surprise came on his face. "_You_ disappoint _me_?" He shook his head. "Not possible, Row."

"I'm not perfect."

He shrugged. "You're perfect for me." He got up out of his seat to sit next to her. She smelled like faint vanilla today. Automatically her head rested on his shoulder, and she felt his kiss on her head. "Thank you."

She peeked up at him. "For what?"

"Having faith in me like you do. Even when I may not deserve it."

Their food came. And they broke bread together.

* * *

**Now, don't make me threaten to close shop if I don't get opinions. **

**And gracias to FabulousLasVegas, she pointed some things out to me that swayed the perspective of Reid and Rowan's courtship. :)  
**


	7. Love Song Requiem

**VII. Love Song Requiem**

_I die each time__  
you look away  
__My heart, my life__  
will never be the same__  
This love will take my everything  
__One breath, one touch__  
will be the end of me  
-Trading Yesterday_

"Dude, will you just make a move finally?" Reid badgered his friend. "How long have you been drooling over her?"

Tyler shot him a dirty look. "I haven't been drooling."

They were up in the Simms' pool room right now, the New Years Eve party being held at the Simms mansion this year. The Families rotated annually with the exception of Caleb and Rowan on account of their mom being an alcoholic. The night hadn't started yet, it was only seven-thirty; Reid was anxious for Rowan to arrive, he'd been wondering all day whether or not he should attempt a New Years kiss.

Anyway, Reid scoffed at Tyler's denial. "She's into you, too, so why not?"

Tyler glanced at his blond friend. "Seriously? How do you know?"

Reid shrugged theatrically.

"Did Rowan tell you that?" Tyler prodded.

He held up his hands, palms up. "That's all I'm saying, Baby Boy."

"Some help," he muttered.

Reid went back to shooting pool, missing a combo, obviously his mind was elsewhere. The past couple of weeks had been good in his guesstimation. Finals were over, he and Rowan had studied a lot together. Now that they knew how one another felt it was like the path was clear to walk down, and now it was about seeing where it would go. He felt pretty good so far in his first relationship, and hopefully his last. Sometimes Rowan was a bit tentative, which he understood completely. They weren't an "out" couple, per se. Reid figured only Hunter and Gabriel knew for certain. Reid hadn't even told Tyler really.

"So…" Tyler hedged, lining up his cue.

"So, what?"

"I'm thinking Caleb doesn't know about you and Rowan otherwise he'd have cussed you out by now," Tyler said.

Reid's face marred with displeasure. He leaned on his cue, tipped his head at his friend. "How do you know that?"

Tyler smiled. "I didn't for certain. But now I do."

Reid picked up a billiard ball and hocked it at his friend, which Tyler dodged, laughing.

"Screw you," Reid said.

Tyler hopped up on the table, sobering a little. "When are you going to tell him?"

"When I'm good and ready," Reid snipped back. "It's none of his business anyway."

The younger boy shrugged. "And you love her?" Tyler was a bit moved to see a wash of contentment come over Reid's usually sarcastic features.

"Yeah," he said plainly. "Are you going to tell me if I hurt her you'll kick my ass?"

Tyler was silent for a moment. "It's Rowan." His little sister for all intents and purposes, he never wanted her hurt, and Reid had never been in an actual relationship before. And if Reid did hurt her, Tyler wouldn't hesitate to give him a black eye.

"Exactly. It's Rowan," Reid pointed out.

Tyler nodded. "Then she's over Abel?"

Reid winced, glanced away, shrugged one shoulder as casually as he could. "We're taking it slow," was all he could say.

"You know she fainted at the pharmacy yesterday?" he asked, expression one of left-over concern.

Reid's head snapped in his direction. "No. She didn't saying anything. Is she okay?" Damn, and he had talked to her around seven in the evening last night, she didn't even mention it.

"Yeah, we were there at the last minute. She was getting her dad his medication."

He ran his fingers through his blond hair, leaving some strands wild. "Figures she wouldn't say anything," he mumbled. Oh, but he was peeved. Just wait until she got here…

The doorbell rang just then, sounding throughout the entire house. Tyler was hoping it was Dizzy. She had stayed with Rowan for the last week of winter vacation, so she was attending her first New Years Eve party at one of the Families' mansions. The two Sons left the pool room; it was a fairly lengthy walk to the front's foyer. When they got there Caleb, Rowan, Dizzy, and Hunter were getting their coats taken.

"Hey, guys," Caleb and Hunter said. They were both wearing black semi-formal wear.

Guy hand shakes went around. Reid and Tyler were taken with their current interests. Rowan was wearing a strapless blue cocktail dress, filigreed wrist cuff, and a thin silver chain with a small teardrop sapphire around her neck. Dizzy was wearing a one-shoulder faint pink dress. They were both complimented on how beautiful they looked.

"Pogue didn't come with you?" Tyler asked.

"He and Kate are still at the apartment," Hunter said idly.

"Does that guy come up for air?" Reid quipped.

"You're one to talk," Caleb rejoined.

"You know, just because I'm in a good mood," Reid said, "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

Caleb rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you're here!" Mrs. Simms exclaimed as she and her husband walked into the foyer. Rosalind Simms was a curvy brunette with wavy hair. She was wearing a crème-colored dress and modest, but sparkly, jewelry.

"Mom, this is Maria," Tyler introduced.

"Pleased to meet you," Dizzy smiled. She shook Tyler's parents' hands.

"I've heard so much about you," Rosalind beamed.

"My son doesn't do you justice," Glenn smiled.

"He tells us you're quite the artist," Rosalind continued.

Dizzy blushed. "Oh…" She glanced at Tyler, face still red.

Tyler's dad winked approvingly at his son, and Tyler turned mottled red. Then he shot Reid a scathing look because he knew it was the blond who had told his dad about his attraction to Dizzy.

"Things are still getting set up," Rosalind said. "But the appetizers are ready."

Glenn Simms glanced at his watch. "Wonder when the rush is coming?"

"Twenty-two minutes," Rowan answered automatically as if she knew for certain. Because she did. There was a pregnant pause, normally it would have been no matter except for Dizzy was present, but she was used to Rowan's idiosyncrasies and didn't give it a second thought.

"You have a lovely home," Dizzy complimented.

"Thank you," Glenn replied. "It's been in the family for generations." He opened his mouth to continue but his wife interrupted him.

"Oh, dear. If you get him started he'll elucidate on the structure of the house down to the last nail," she said. Rosalind shuffled her husband along on the pretense of checking something in the kitchen.

The young people went to cruise the tables with the appetizers which were laid out on expensive dishes in the great room. Workers were flittering in and out, adding to the already vast array of edibles and drinks. Tyler was keeping Dizzy chatted up, he was glad to have spent so much time with her the past week. Fifteen minutes later Kate and Pogue came in, flushed from the cold or maybe something else. Kate was looking glamorous as usual; the black Tahitian pearl necklace Pogue had given her for their one-year anniversary hanging gracefully around her neck.

"Where's Judy?" Pogue asked.

"She's with her family," Caleb said casually.

Pogue sensed there was something more there and made a note to interrogate his best friend later on. He eyed Rowan, and she gave him frown on Caleb's behalf. Oh, so it wasn't good.

It was twenty-two minutes later when people began to show up in droves. Kids from Spensers came with their families, colleagues of the Simms arrived. The adults and the teens branched off, but as the night would go on the adults would leave for another room where the alcohol was.

The Sons, Rowan and Hunter stayed in relatively the same group. It was only natural for people to try to ingratiate themselves into the circle because the Sons of Ipswich were there, and undoubtedly other girls were envious of Dizzy and Kate for having such an entrenched place within them. Reid kept his arm around Rowan's shoulders, but because it wasn't anything out of the ordinary it didn't tip anyone off as to the shift in their relationship.

"Hey, isn't Pinkie coming?" Pogue asked.

"He's unhappily stuck with his family this year," Rowan said.

"What a crying shame," Aaron Abbot jeered, approaching the periphery of the group with Kira by his side.

Rowan felt Reid tense so she held the hand that was on her shoulder and squeezed.

Aaron's eyes flicked towards Rowan, and he smiled. "Someone looks good tonight."

"Aaron," Caleb warned.

"What?" Aaron asked innocently. "I can't pay your sister a compliment?"

Caleb's jaw clenched. Reid was on the verge of saying something profane, likely with a few F-bombs thrown in.

"You look nice, too, Aaron," Rowan said, her unexpected comment diffusing the situation from tense to bewildered.

Even Aaron was struck dumb, and Kira couldn't think of a come-back either. Reid looked down at her like she was insane, but she just smiled at him warmly.

"Let's go get a drink, Reid," she said, pulling him away by the hand.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Diversion tactic," she replied with a mischievous grin on her face. "It worked, didn't it?"

He grumbled. "You really think he looks nice?"

Rowan laughed at the expression on his face. Genuine uncertainty and jealousy. "You look even better, Reid."

He half-grinned, slightly mollified for the moment. "And you look beautiful. But, then again, you always do."

She scoffed, but turned her head away, blushing. "Flatterer."

At the refreshment table Reid got them ginger ales.

----

"This is so cool," Dizzy said, awed by the large portrait of one of Tyler's ancestors.

Tyler had offered to give her a tour. They were in the library now, the painting of Tyler's great-great-grandfather above the mantle of the fireplace.

"Look at the detail…" Dizzy went on.

"Your paintings are just as great," Tyler complimented.

Dizzy blushed. There was a lot of blushing going on tonight. "Not really. I'm an amateur."

"You wouldn't have won all those art contests if you were mediocre, Maria."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said, like there was no doubt. "You're going to be famous one day."

She laughed a little. "I don't know about that."

"I do," he said.

Dizzy blinked, as if she were trying to make the already clear vision of Tyler even clearer. She had had an attraction to him for the longest time, but never would have acted on it when she was with David. Then he had gone and cheated on her, breaking her heart, and shattering any illusions she had of the concept of faithfulness. If a guy who claimed to love you for three years and gave you a promise ring couldn't stay faithful, who could?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tyler asked, self-conscious smile on his face.

She shook her head a little. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare."

"That's okay." All right, do it now, he told himself. Ask her out or something. Anything! Tyler cleared his throat. "Maria, I was thinking…" He fists clenched in his pockets. "Maybe I could…maybe ask you out sometime?"

She was speechless.

"I mean, if you want, it's okay if you don't, I won't be mad or anything," he blurted.

"I was hoping you'd ask," she breathed.

His brow rose. "Seriously?"

She nodded furtively. It went quiet when their gazes locked. Tyler leaned down a little; his hand came out of his pocket and stroked her cheek. Her skin was impossibly smooth. And just as their lips were about to touch, she gasped and jumped back.

"Oh my God! No, I can't!" Her hands went over her mouth and she skittered backwards. "Oh, no, no, no!"

"What's wrong?" he asked. Okay, his breath didn't stink, he'd popped a Tic Tac in his mouth, two actually, before he offered Maria a tour.

Dizzy was absolutely frenzied. "I made a big mistake. I…"

Tyler's heart sunk. "Oh…" His hands went back in his pockets and he hung his head.

"I mean, no, not like that!" Dizzy rushed to reassure him. "I mean, you're Rowan's brother, and I was about to kiss you like her feelings didn't matter."

Now he was confused. "Huh?"

Her feet flittered towards him, and she said to him in a hushed whisper, "What if she wouldn't like this?"

Tyler struggled to gather his thoughts. "You want Rowan's permission to kiss me?"

"No, not her _permission_, silly! Her _blessing_."

Tyler's lips quivered before breaking into a smile.

"It's not funny!" she exclaimed. "I'm her friend, and when a friend tries to date her friend's brother, well, that can raise complications. It would be like if Reid wanted to date Rowan or something. Wouldn't Reid want Caleb's blessing? Not that he hasn't asked for it yet, but-" Dizzy gasped and covered her mouth. "I didn't mean that."

Tyler laughed. "It's okay, I already know."

"Ohh, okay," she said. "He's, like, so loved her for the longest time. Seriously, who can't tell?"

He shrugged. "So…you want Rowan's blessing?"

She nodded tentatively. "Sorry."

"No, that's cool," he said. "It's actually…nice that you care about my sister so much, like you do." They smiled at one another. "Should we go find Rowan, then?" Tyler asked, holding out his hand.

----

"I'm sorry, bro," Pogue said, giving Caleb a sympathetic clap on the shoulder.

The eldest Son of Ipswich shrugged one shoulder, stared into his cup of ginger ale. Odd, he found himself genuinely liking a girl and she can't cope with the attention. Most girls vied for the Sons because they were "the Sons of Ipswich" but Judy broke it off because of it. He blamed the girls at Spensers. Catty, vindictive. Judy had said that she couldn't handle the constant gossip and innuendo, the teasing.

"You deserve someone who looks more like Kate or Dizzy," Judy had said.

"What do you mean?" he'd asked.

She'd sighed. "Someone thin, pretty. Model worthy." Judy had looked sincerely crushed.

"That doesn't matter to me," he had insisted. "I think you're beautiful the way you are." And he did. She was curvy, smart, personable. Judy thought she was fat, but he didn't.

"Really, Caleb, I…I just can't deal with all the talking, and the cattiness." She'd shaken her head, eyes burrowing into his, down into his soul.

"Who cares what they say?"

"I do! I'm not…I'm not good enough for you. I don't fit in with your crowd."

It was like a blow to head when she said that. "What? My friends like you."

Judy had chuckled ruefully. "You know what I mean, Caleb."

"No, I don't," he had said. "I really don't."

"Come on. Can you honestly tell me that if it hadn't been for that English assignment you would have ever given me the time of day? Did you even know my name before then? Better yet, did you know I was in your class?"

"Yes, I knew you were in my class," he'd said.

"Did you know my name?"

Caleb paused. He had noticed her briefly; she sat in the first row, quiet, eyes always on the board.

"That's what I thought," Judy said to him, sadly and regretfully.

Now, here he stood with his best friend, brooding over his loss. "Ironic, huh? Most girls like the Son of Ipswich thing." He grin was one of self-deprecation.

Pogue scoffed laughter. "Yeah. But maybe she'll come around."

"I don't know," he vacillated between doubt and hope. "Maybe I should leave her alone if that's what she wants."

"Maybe, maybe not. It could just take time to get used to…"

"People calling her fat and saying I'm dating her out of pity?" he bit out more sharply than he'd intended. "Sorry."

"It's cool. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Caleb shook his head, tired of discussing it. What could he have said to convince Judy that he really liked her, and truly thought she was beautiful? He enjoyed hanging out with her, he laughed with her. He liked showing her that not all dogs were scary with the help of Ernie. Caleb had once suggested that maybe she would get a dog one day. Now, he'd never know.

----

There was a pounding between Rowan's eyes. She felt light-headed, overheated. She had tried to beat a hasty retreat when Reid had brought up her fainting in the pharmacy the other day. Rowan figured Tyler for the informant. What was making her feel ill was a mystery to her. Stress? Anxiety? Probably both. She was waiting for one of those warlock assassins to come for her. She was waiting for the ominous whisper of _Keeper_ to beckon her to a fight she didn't want to be in. Last year it had been on New Years, the year before that it had been on Christmas. Where were they now? She still hadn't heard anything. Of course, it was always when you were listening closely that you never heard what you wanted to hear.

Rowan trailed down the dim hall to the restroom. On the way, she passed a room that was occupied by four girls, one of them being Kate. They didn't see her, and it wasn't her intention to eavesdrop, but when Rowan heard Judy's name, she stopped, cloaked herself in the shadows, and listened. The thick door was open a few inches, so everything was completely audible.

"Finally Caleb got some sense," one of the girls said.

"I told you it was a pity thing," another interjected. "Seriously, like, what would a guy as hot as Caleb Danvers be doing with that lard-ass Judy Miller?"

Rowan winced at the sharp tone, the apparent scorn in their voices. She was waiting for Kate to speak, say something, tell them that Caleb had genuinely liked Judy, but Pogue's girlfriend kept mum.

"Not to mention being a fashion-victim," one girl added.

All of them tittered.

"She apparently didn't get that dating a Son of Ipswich meant that you can't go around looking like you threw just anything on. Right, Kate?"

There was a very brief pause. "I always try to look my best when I see Pogue. I mean, they're not just anyone, people expect things."

There was a chorus of agreement.

"Did Pogue give you that?" one asked.

"Yup," Kate said. The girls began to ooh and ahh over Kate's necklace.

"So…how is he?" the first girl inquired among giggles.

"I don't kiss and tell," Kate hedged playfully.

"Oh, come on!" they encouraged.

Kate sighed. "So…_good_."

More cheering and squeals.

"You're so lucky," one girl lamented.

"Kate, do you think you could hook me up?"

"With?" Kate asked.

"Reid Garwin."

The girls emitted words and sounds that denoted Reid was a typical fixture in a girl's mind.

"He's such a man-whore!"

"But sexy as hell!"

Kate laughed. "I don't know about that."

"Maybe if you pry him away from Caleb's little sister," one girl said snidely. "They're always together."

"Maybe they're secretly dating," one suggested scandalously.

"Puh-lease! No way," said another. "Reid Garwin doesn't _date_."

"And you know so much about him?"

"Whatever," the girl muttered.

"That girl is too weird," one said.

"Who?"

"Caleb's little sister."

Rowan wasn't holding her breath, but she was kind of expecting Kate to say something _now_, if not for Rowan herself, then at least because of Pogue.

"I heard she reads tarot," a girl said. "Kate?"

There was silence, and Rowan supposed that Kate had shrugged.

"But she is weird," a girl insisted. "She's always freaking out and stuff."

"No, she doesn't," Kate finally interceded in the speculation.

"She would be screwed up, after that car accident and stuff."

"I think she's faking," someone accused. "She likes the attention from her brothers."

"God, Kate, how do you stand it?"

"Stand what?"

"They totally coddle her. Even Pogue and they're not even related."

Pause. "Pogue thinks of Rowan as his sister."

"Are you telling me it doesn't annoy you?" There was an edge of more than just curiosity to those words.

"I don't know. Sometimes, I guess," Kate answered. "It's like if something is wrong with her, Pogue will totally zone out and I can't even get him to focus because he's so worried about her. And even when it's not that serious. She has a panic attack and…" She trailed off, frustrated.

"See, I told you she freaks out!"

"Crazy."

"She's not crazy," Kate said. "I know she takes meds though."

Rowan didn't want to hear anymore. She wasn't particularly hurt over what had been said about her, it was nothing she hadn't heard before. But she had expected more from Kate, obviously a year with Pogue hadn't grounded her any. Shallow waters, there.

As for Judy and Caleb. That would be okay, in the future. Her big brother would have to wait a while, that's all. Rowan had always hoped that whoever Caleb ended up with would make him really happy. Someone who would make him smile so wide that his cheeks hurt. Someone who made him laugh so hard that he cried. Someone who would instinctively know that just because Caleb was a warlock that did not mean he was evil. Far from it, her brother had a big and wonderful heart.

Rowan quietly walked away forgetting that she had been heading to the bathroom. Not that she needed to use it, it was just an excuse to get away from Reid's interrogation. She knew he worried, but there was nothing to be done about it, that's why Rowan hadn't said anything. She wasn't ready for them to know about the whole Keeper thing. She rather dreaded their reactions. Rowan headed back to the party.

----

Tyler and Dizzy were standing with Reid rather anxiously. All they had said was that they were looking for Rowan, keeping a frustrated Reid in the dark. He could tell Baby Boy hadn't gotten any because Tyler was way too tense, and jumpy.

"There she is!" Dizzy squealed.

Tyler looked plain relieved.

Reid saw that Rowan was a little pale, more so than when she had left him.

"Hey guys…" Rowan trailed off. "What's going on?" Her eyes flicked to all three of them uncertainly.

"I wouldn't know," Reid said dryly.

Tyler cleared his throat. Might as well be blunt. "You know I like Dizzy-"

"I would like your blessing before getting involved with your brother, Rowan," Dizzy said rather formally.

Reid began laughing after a pause. And Rowan's mouth quivered with amusement.

"My blessing?" she echoed.

"Well, I thought that, like, you might not approve, really, because Tyler is your brother, so-"

Rowan chuckled. "Of course you have my…blessing. Couldn't be happier for you."

Dizzy yelped happiness and embraced Rowan so strongly that the ladder was thrown back a few steps from the force.

"Finally!" Reid exclaimed. "Go make out now or something. It's nine to midnight."

Tyler flashed Reid an exasperated glare. "Gee, thanks."

Reid clapped Tyler on the back. "I'm happy for you, Baby Boy."

Tyler rolled his eyes.

Two minutes later Reid and Rowan were left alone in the foyer. "You okay? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," she replied. Maybe a bit more bothered from that conversation she had overheard than she initially thought. "So, nine to midnight?"

Reid grinned. "Six now."

Rowan nodded. "Right."

They hadn't kissed in their short time as a couple. Rowan wasn't sure if she should attempt it or wait for him to. With her kind of luck one of those assassins would call for her just as midnight struck.

"Are you sure you're okay, Rowan?" Reid asked again, this time with more concern present.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

Four to midnight.

Reid reached out and squeezed her hand, his grasp pulling her subtly closer to him.

Two to midnight.

Rowan leaned into him and put her arms around his waist and was pressed closer when he returned her embrace. She felt him kiss the top of her head. Heard the countdown of the guests.

10…9…8…7…

With his cheek against her head, he whispered, "Hey." His hand moved to tip her chin up.

"Hmm?" she asked.

"Can I keep you?"

Then there was cheering.

She put her arms around his neck. Like two magnets, their lips met. They lost themselves in one another. Then they broke apart, breathless.

"Yeah, you can keep me," Rowan said.

Reid smiled and kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

----

Caleb had walked out of the room where the revelers were. He didn't have anyone to kiss at midnight, and he supposed that was okay. He could still hear the din of the guests as he walked down the long hallway, coming around the corner to the foyer. It was dim, but Caleb could make out two people in the shadows. He was about to turn back out to give the couple privacy, but…

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Reid?" Caleb growled.

* * *

**As always, I encourage feedback. :D**


	8. Murder 101

**VIII. Murder 101**

_Never thought that I knew too much  
__I always thought I knew enough  
__I didn't want to learn this stuff  
__I didn't ever want to be that tough  
__But love was just implied  
And everything else died__  
This class has now begun__  
In Murder 101  
-Wallflowers_

_She was back in the dungeon, this filthy, damp, putrid room. The stone floor dug into her tailbone, the manacles around her ankles bit into her flesh, each stab like tiny fangs sinking into her skin. Her wrists were tied behind her back with rope. The harsh fabric abraded her skin, and the flow of circulation was slower than a faucet's drip. A long burlap sack covered her body, yet did nothing to keep out the cold. But she had long ceased shivering. She was numb. Her hair was matted, finger and toe nails cracked and dirty. Her eyes were puffy and dry. _

_Her only source of comfort was the rats. Animals had always been good to her. Too bad there was nothing they could do to help her in this situation. There was nothing tempting on the ropes that bound her wrists for them to chew on; it would be a futile exercise anyway. There were still the irons around her ankles. Where would she go anyway? She was way out of her element in this century. _

_They were probably going to burn her at the stake in front of many villagers who thought her execution just. Lucius had said that she needed to Invoke the Spirit to survive. But she felt too weak to do that. How the hell was her body supposed to sustain such a force? Lucius had given her way too much credit._

_Her ponderings were cut off by the clang of the door opening, heavy footsteps descending, and that voice that made her cringe. Cruel and insane._

"_It is your time witch," Pope declared, condemnation in every syllable. "Simms, unlock her chains."_

_Simms, he looks so much like her Tyler, silently obeyed. He struggled to keep from looking at her, but she struggled in no such way. Her brown eyes were clapped on him as he inserted the key into the lock and the manacles came undone. He grabbed her elbow and hauled her up to her unsteady feet. So weak, she could barely stand._

_The sunlight seared her retinas. She was paraded through the village. They threw curses and rotten food at her like a jester who'd failed to amuse at court. _

_The other three who looked so much like her brothers stood somberly by the pyre. Garwin began to orate why she was being executed, and how it would be done. The background commentary went through one ear and out the other. She knew how it was done. Her eyes stole glances at the one who resembled Caleb. She wondered if they knew what they were doing was wrong. Did they know that Pope had duped them into thinking Lucius had wanted to control them? And did they know that by believing Pope they had double-damned themselves and their future bloodlines?_

_She stared at the blue, blue sky as her body was tightly secured to the stake. _

"_Why are you so calm witch?" Pope asked snidely. "None of your trickery will help you escape."_

_She barely spared him a glance. She continued to soak up the vision of the sky and said, "It doesn't matter what you do to me. It's nothing compared to what you've already done to yourself and the rest of the Covenant."_

_She made visual contact with them all save Pope. "He's damned you all."_

_Pope struck the flint. Smoke soon filled her nostrils. It filled her lungs, burning her insides. Fire tickled the tips of her toes. _

_She was only human, and she could not help but scream…_

"Rowan!" Christ, he hadn't heard this nightmare in a while. Caleb shook her until her yells ebbed into rough gasps of breath which led to hoarse coughing.

Rowan was sweating, but she was chilled. Her limbs were on fire. She beat back the blankets and pulled up her draw-string pants.

"Jesus," Caleb hissed. The skin up to her knees was a furious red.

"Fire," she whispered in panic. "Fire."

He hurried and got her a cold wash cloth, but when he put it on her skin she screamed like he had stabbed her. It took some time but he got her calmed. By then she was sitting on the edge of the tub that was half-filled with cold water.

Her eyelids flickered, and her head rested on the cool tile of the shower wall.

"Have to…" Rowan was mumbling under breath, "Invoke…"

Caleb leaned in. "What?"

"…Spirit…Invoke…" She coughed. "Or die." Rowan was wracked with another bout of coughing. It barreled out of her lungs and throat until she ran out of oxygen.

Caleb felt her head. She was burning up. His sister coughed again and speckles of blood shot from her mouth. Five minutes later he was rushing her to the hospital.

----

"…_I know what it feels like to lose the person I love the most in the world…"  
_

"_I need you, Rowan. I love you…"_

"_I'm not perfect. But I'm even less without you."_

Antiseptic. Very sterile. Clean. Rubbing alcohol. In the back of her mind Rowan knew she was in the hospital. And why the hell was she here? She couldn't pull that answer out just yet. It would come to her. First, she would try to open her eyes. It took some heavy blinking but things were finally visual. It appeared daytime, but blankets of clouds were obscuring the sky, so it could be morning for all she knew. And what day was it? Another answer she didn't have. Her eyes roamed the room. Had Reid been here?

"Oh, look who's awake!" a cheery nurse exclaimed as she came into the room. She was wearing pink scrubs, her hair in a high ponytail, and a clipboard smartly tucked to her side.

Rowan's throat was too dry to reply. The nurse must have been reading her mind because she poured Rowan a cup of water, stuck a straw in, and aided her in sipping. Her head fell back on the pillows, she licked her lips.

"Day?" she managed.

"You've only been out for twenty-four hours. It's Friday. Your brother will be here when he gets out of school." Her smile was genuine, but nervous.

"My mom?"

"Oh…" the nurse's mouth opening in a perfect 'o'. "She was here earlier."

Rowan nodded. "'K." The nurse's nametag read "Brighton." Unfamiliar. "You're new?" Rowan asked.

"How'd you know?" She checked the IV.

"I come here a lot."

Nurse Brighton laughed. "So your medical record would state. Do you know why you're here?" She pulled back the end of Rowan's blanket to check the rash on her legs. The red had perceptibly faded. "This is looking better."

Rowan thought back. The dream. The fire. "I was hot."

She nodded. "Yes, you had a fever of 104 when your brother rushed you in here. You don't have pneumonia. Your brother suggested that because it's an illness you're prone to. He said you were coughing up blood."

"Oh, yeah… Was someone here earlier?" she asked. "I thought I heard one of my friends."

"No, sorry, sweetie." Nurse Brighton stuck a thermometer in her mouth. She waited for the beep. Looked at the small, rectangular screen. "100.1," she stated with a slight frown.

"So if I don't have pneumonia, then what?"

She opened her mouth to answer, then shut it. "I think I'll let Dr. Peyton fill you in on that." Dr. Peyton was Rowan's normal practitioner.

While Rowan waited, she managed to convince Nurse Brighton to let her take a very quick shower and brush her teeth. Naturally, she needed assistance. If there was one place you wanted to lose all sense of independence and dignity in a hurry, it was in the hospital. When she got back in bed she was exhausted. But at least her body didn't feel clammy and odious, and her teeth no longer fuzzy.

Nurse Brighton left to check on some other patients. Two minutes later Reid sauntered in like he owned the place. He was surprised to see her awake as a wide smile lit up on his face.

"Hey!" He bent down and kissed her on the cheek, sat down on the side of the bed. The smile was gone and worry creased his face. "You scared the shit out of me, Row."

Rowan grinned wanly. "Sorry." It was only one in the afternoon. "Skipping school?" Reid was still in his school uniform.

He shrugged. "I didn't want to wait another hour and a half to come see you." Reid was holding her hand now. "You were out all day yesterday."

Christ, when he had gotten the call, or rather, when Tyler had, at two in the morning that Rowan was in the hospital, he and Baby Boy couldn't make it out of the dorms fast enough. Pogue and Hunter were in the waiting room when they arrived, sitting anxiously. Pogue had left a half-sleeping Kate at his apartment. They could have waited at the dorms, but being close and uninformed was better than being at the dorms and uninformed. Besides, Caleb shouldn't have to be there himself.

The staff wasn't surprised to see them all bunched in the waiting room, they were on a first name basis now, and was known for being obstinate and wordy when told they should 'go home and get some rest.' They didn't leave the hospital until after five with only vague answers of what exactly was wrong with Rowan.

"What happened, Row? Caleb said you had a nightmare."

Rowan sighed internally. "I don't know." She didn't know why, but she asked again, "Were you here earlier?"

His brow wrinkled. "No, why?"

"I thought I heard you."

He grinned. "Dreaming of me, huh?" Rowan rolled her eyes, but half-smiled. "Don't worry, I dream about you all the time. What did I say?"

Rowan paused. "Um…that you know what it's like to lose the person you love most in the world…that you love me…you're not perfect but…you're less without me." She shrugged, trying to brush it off like a silly dream.

But Reid was staring at her thoughtfully. "You heard me then." At her confused look, he said, "I did say those things."

"When?"

"When you were in a coma. The day you woke up, I said that to you."

Rowan wasn't sure what to say. It was all very surreal.

"I meant it then. I still do," he told her.

Rowan smiled softly. "I'm tired again."

He nodded, and got in bed with her. He lay on his side, his arm over her waist, tucking her close to him. She smelled like hospital soap and shampoo, her skin was warm, and he said so.

"She took my temp. It was 100.1"

"I wish I could heal you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because that would make you God. A human shouldn't have that much power."

He thought about that for a moment. "Even if it can save the person they love?"

"That's the dilemma. But I believe that there are other places two people can be together. You just have to wait."

"Hmm…I'd rather just have you here with me, if it's all the same to you."

Rowan chuckled. "Sounds good, Reid."

----

Caleb left school a little early to drop by his house, feed the animals, and check on his mother. She had a raging hangover, he had to clamp down his anger and bite back any recriminations. As he drove to the hospital, he hoped his sister was okay. He made periodic phone calls to check on her status; so far they could only tell him that she was stable, but still asleep. At least she wasn't worse. Small blessings.

He parked in the lot and hurried inside. It was freezing at the end of January, like tiny needles in his skin. Caleb showed his visitor's pass. Don, the guy behind the desk greeted him.

"The blond one's already here," he said.

Figures, Caleb thought. "Thanks, Don."

Reid was just all over the place. He had nearly gone berserk when he'd seen his little sister kissing Reid on New Years. Caleb's first thoughts when angry didn't automatically shift to violence, but that scene had definitely made him think punching the lights out of someone wasn't such a bad idea. To his surprise, however, Reid didn't immediately get in his face; instead he had stood there calmly and offered to explain.

"_Let's go Rowan," Caleb said. "Get your jacket."_

"_Caleb, calm down, please," she said._

"_Calm down?" he echoed._

"_Dude, just listen, all right," Reid started._

"_Shut up, Reid!" Caleb yelled. "I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth."_

_Reid sighed, frustrated. "If you would-"_

_He was grabbing their jackets. "This is low, Reid. Taking advantage of my sister when she's in a vulnerable spot."_

"_Screw you, Caleb!" Reid said, finally losing his temper. "I love her and you're just going to have to deal."_

_Caleb froze, shook his head in disbelief. _

"_I love him, too, Cay," Rowan spoke._

_Her big brother sighed heavily as if he'd been holding his breath. Caleb glanced at his little sister. He had noticed that she'd been more at ease lately, nightmares less vicious, smiles a bit brighter._

And Caleb once again thought of the changes in Reid as he headed to his sister's hospital room. He had changed, too. What with the job, his grades coming up, using his Powers less often. Mostly Caleb was worried about his sister getting hurt. Reid didn't have the best track record with girls, obviously. And the talk around the school…well, not so great things were said about the girls who went out with Reid Garwin. But his sister wasn't just any girl, and Caleb didn't like the insinuations being made about her. He knew Reid staunchly defended her, and Caleb was almost half-way to half-trusting him with Rowan.

His sister's door was open. Reid was lying next to her, arm over her waist, Rowan was sleeping but Reid was awake.

"'Sup?" Reid said, sitting up slowly so he wouldn't jar the bed.

"How is she?"

"She was awake for a bit," Reid answered. "Doc came in to talk to her, but…" He shrugged.

Caleb nodded.

Rowan stirred. "Hi, Cay," she said sleepily.

He smiled, kissed her on the forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I need to talk to Dr. Peyton," he said.

"And see when I can get out of here?" she suggested with an attempted grin.

"We'll see," Caleb said.

----

Rowan was home by Sunday morning with a temperature of 99.5. She was told to rest, drink plenty of fluids. Caleb brought her homework and she worked on it diligently with her three animals curled up on her bed. She had a lot of quiet time to think about her dream and why it led her to the hospital. While everyone was at school, Gabriel had popped up in her room out of thin air on Tuesday afternoon.

"Hey, I could have been indecent, you know!" she joked.

Gabriel laughed, quieted the surprised animals with whispers spoken in French. He plopped down on the bed. "_Ça va, pischouette_?"

Rowan leaned back against the pillows. "Been better. _Je suis fatiguée_. " She smirked wanly. "Did you come here to tell me why I'm carrying my dreams into reality?"

"Ah, _oui_. You're getting close, Rowan," he told her.

"Close to what? I'm having dreams where my brothers and boyfriend are burning me at the stake. And…Lucius is telling me to 'Invoke the Spirit' or whatever."

"You know they are not really your brothers."

"Yes, yes, I know." Ernie put his head on her lap and she scratched him behind the ears. "So, how many more dreams until I officially burst into flames?"

He chuckled half-heartedly. "_Je ne sais pas_. I wish I did know what was going to happen." His dark eyes stared out the window. He didn't know, his grandmère didn't know. One couldn't call on visions whenever one wanted to. It didn't work like that.

Unfortunately.

"And in your dream, do you Invoke the Spirit?" he asked.

"I haven't gotten there yet," she answered. "What happens if they kill me before I make a choice, Gabe?" Her big brown eyes searched his for an answer. "Would I wake up?"

----

"Reid Nathaniel Garwin, if you do not stop fussing I will get a restraining order," Rowan said as they walked down the hall to the cafeteria.

He chuckled despite the fact that she was invoking middle names. So what if he had met her after every class they didn't have together and insisted on carrying her books because he didn't want her to strain herself after her convalescence. He wasn't the only one fussing over her anyway. Rowan had come back to school today, Thursday, and they were all making sure she took it easy.

"It's my right as your boyfriend to fuss over you, Row," he replied. Reid liked saying that. "And as my girlfriend," – he loved saying that even more - "you have to put up with it."

Rowan snorted. They had been an "out" couple since New Years, you couldn't keep things like this a secret for too long around Spensers. Rowan thought she was doing a pretty good job on ignoring the snide remarks and lethal stares. She had bigger things to worry about anyway.

At their usual table in the cafeteria, Reid pulled out a chair for her, then went to get their lunch, cutting her off before she told him that he didn't have to. Rowan sighed.

"You should be milking this for all it's worth, Rowan," Kate smiled at her. "I wish Pogue would get my lunch for me everyday." She nudged her boyfriend in the ribs playfully. "Like he used to." Deep down, she was still ticked at him for up and leaving her at two in the morning last Thursday night.

"You hardly eat anything off the tray," Pogue pointed out, and his girlfriend rolled her eyes. Pogue glanced at Hunter and Caleb, bewildered.

"I don't think you were supposed to say that," Hunter informed him; he was sitting to the left of Rowan.

"Definitely a minus-one for Pogue," Pinkie added.

Reid came back with two trays, took his seat across from Tyler and Dizzy who were sitting shoulder to shoulder.

"Thanks," Rowan said, leaned over to peck him on the cheek, much to his joy.

"Hey, hey, hey," Reid censured Hunter who had his arm across the back of Rowan's chair. "Only my arm can go here now, unless I'm not around." When Rowan and Hunter had been dating Hunter had always teased Reid about 'having his paws' on his girlfriend, now Reid was paying him back.

Hunter chuckled and shook his head, made an adjustment so only his forearm was rested on the edge of Rowan's chair.

The group chatted and ate, every so often people came by to say hi to the Sons, fellow swim teammates, club affiliates, girls trying to ingratiate themselves upon them. When they tried with Reid, they hit a brick wall. His arm was ever settled across the back of her chair which was right up against his.

"Rowan! So glad to see you back!" Missy Ivers exclaimed, taking an unceremonious seat across from her. She had a pen stuck behind her ear, and a thick folder in her arm. Her sidekick, Hillary, was standing behind her with a pen and notepad.

Missy was a senior and editor of the school newspaper. Her ambition in life was to become a Pulitzer Prized investigative reporter/journalist. The words 'tact' and 'subtle' were nowhere to be found in her vocabulary, and she bulldozed through anyone's and everyone's boundaries with Herculean strength.

"Hi, Missy," Rowan replied.

"_Loved_ the latest article for Animal Row," she said. And Missy must have because she never complimented anyone unless she meant it, and wasn't afraid to tell someone something sucked if it was that, too.

Animal Row was Rowan's byline for the school newspaper that she'd started as a freshman.

"Now, I have the best idea for next month's issue," Missy said, ignoring everyone at the table. She might have been one of the few girls at Spensers who couldn't have cared less about 'the Sons of Ipswich' moniker. If someone didn't have something interesting to provide for the moment, Missy flicked it away like lint. And right now, the Sons were lint.

"What's it about?" Rowan asked.

"Okay," Missy readied herself as if she were about to tell her where Jimmy Hoffa's grave was. "Get this," - she held up her hands, making a ninety-degree angle with both to frame an imaginary headline – "License to Kill, Speaking Out Against Drunk Driving."

The entire table went quiet. Rowan felt like someone punched her in the stomach, Missy was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to excitedly jump on the bandwagon.

"Uh…" she tried to get words out, but they weren't forming.

"And it will be really great because we're going to add your personal experience along with blurbs of others. We can do a follow-up on the two guys who caused the accident." She turned to look at Hillary. "You're getting that info, right? Great." Back to Rowan. "The emotional impact will-"

"No," Rowan said. Or had she? Her refusal was rather loud in her head. In the back of her mind she hoped that she wasn't sounding rude. Maybe it would be better if she spoke to Missy in private.

"No, what?" Missy asked.

"No, she doesn't want to talk about it," Reid interjected forcefully.

"I think that's for Rowan to say," Hillary pointed out primly.

"Don't you have some copying to do, Hill?" Pinkie inquired innocently. He got an indignant glare in response; he blew a kiss at her.

Dizzy whispered to Tyler, "I would so love to slap her right now."

Tyler replied, "Get in line."

"Rowan?" Missy said, going back to her. "We really need your input on this. People have a right to know about-"

"I really don't want to talk about it," Rowan said. Was her voice shaking? She couldn't tell.

Rowan's face had lost its color. No one except for the people in her grief counseling had ever so blatantly asked for, let alone insisted, she talk about the car accident. It still shook her, just thinking about it could make her breath hitch unevenly.

The editor of the newspaper sighed and assumed a _let's be reasonable_ posture. "All right. It's been, what, two years?" Missy's voice was smooth, that of a reporter trying to coax out information from her tight-lipped subject. "It's good to get painful experiences out in the open."

"What would you know about 'painful experiences'?" Pogue asked. "The worst that's happened to you is a paper cut or jamming a finger in the copier."

"Red alert," Pinkie muttered.

Hunter was keeping steady eyes on both Hillary and Missy. In his family, talking was rarely the method of confrontation. Communication went by eye-contact and body language. You lied in wait until the time was ripe to move.

"Missy, why don't you leave," Caleb spoke up, his voice low but firm.

She made eye contact with everyone at the table for the first time, mainly Caleb, as if he had the audacity to address her so personally. "This is public domain," she snapped. "I don't see 'Sons of Ipswich' etched on this table."

"And I don't see 'Ambulance Chasing Bitch' on it either," Caleb retorted, surprising everyone a little because he so rarely swore.

Reid didn't hold back his mirth at golden boy's comeback. He couldn't have said it better himself.

People were starting to stare at their table, wondering what the hushed commotion was about. Missy let out a breath of utter frustration and discontent. Hazel eyes darted towards Rowan, glittering with blame. "You're usually more reasonable than this, Rowan," she said, disappointed. Missy neatened her already put together folder, and just as she was standing up, the pen behind her ear broke open, splattering red ink on her face.

Hillary gasped and stepped back, not wanting her uniform to get stained.

Caleb glared at Reid, but Reid shook his head furtively. Hunter was the epitome of calm and grace in his blue chair, like a teenaged, telekinetic, black-belted Buddha.

"You should be more careful, Miss," Hunter intoned like a wise old man. "That ink could have been blood." It sounded ominous coming from Hunter. His black hair and eyelashes made his jade-green eyes pop like fine-cut gems. His brothers knew that Hunter could be lethal. His lineage carried it and honed it.

The cafeteria was abuzz now, Missy rushed out, Hillary close at her heels.

----

Reid had wanted to call in sick at work but Rowan insisted that he go, he hadn't missed a day yet and he wouldn't now on account of that debacle with Missy in the cafeteria. It wasn't as bad as they were making it out to be. She had just been taken by surprise is all. No biggie. No reason to get bent out of shape. At least, that's what Rowan told them. In the back of her mind she was already rehearsing an apology to Missy.

Caleb cut the engine.

"Who's this?" Caleb wondered aloud.

There was a black limo, not stretch, in the driveway.

"That's Mr. Crane's limo," Rowan said. The driver wasn't inside so she figured Smitty was likely in the mansion.

They got out of his clown car and hurried into the house where it was warm. They eschewed their thick winter jackets, stamped their feet on the carpet to get some of the snow off and took their shoes off too. Rowan hugged each of the animals who were waiting patiently in the foyer for afternoon greetings. After a year living with them, Bruce Lee had finally picked up the right etiquette when saying hello. He kept his dooks to a minimum and didn't try to jump on anyone unless invited.

Their fur was warm and fluffy and Rowan instantly felt better.

"Rowan, could you come in here for a minute?" Evelyn called from the sitting room.

Both siblings went. The fire was roaring in the large fireplace, and Mr. Crane and their mother were seated on the furniture with tea and fine China on the table between them.

"Hey, Mr. Crane," they greeted.

Atticus Crane was a sixty-something lawyer who resembled Vincent Price. His father before him had been the Danvers' lawyer, and his great-grandfather, too. The Cranes had magic stock in their blood and knew the Danvers did, too, along with the other Families. The Covenant itself was never mentioned or alluded to, only assumptions could be made. But it was an unspoken rule for no supernatural to out another supernatural. The Cranes were trusted friends. Very likely Mr. Crane's sons, Jameson and Crispin would take on Mr. Crane's jobs when he retired.

By the atmosphere in the room Rowan gathered that this wasn't a social visit.

"Rowan, Caleb," Mr. Crane nodded his head at each with a thin, friendly smile. He was wearing a black business suit, with his attaché case at his feet. When the two youngsters sat down he picked up his briefcase, placed it on his lap and took out an envelope.

"Rowan," Evelyn said, turning to her daughter to hold her hand, "Mr. Crane has met with Gerard Norris." Gerard Norris was the lawyer of Paul Walters, the passenger of the car that caused the accident.

Rowan didn't say anything for a moment. "Oh…did his sentence get reduced?"

Paul Walters and Kevin Fields were both in minimum-security prisons. They had ultimately been sentenced to twenty-five to life, eligibility for parole only viable after a served term of five years minimum. Both of the families' lawyers had been fighting the sentence heretofore. If it weren't for the name of 'Danvers', or Atticus Crane's and his son's preeminent legal counsel (they had offered to counsel the other victims _pro bono_) they might have succeeded. William Danvers III, prosecuting attorney, was a household name in the legal community with a high success rate. Rowan's dad's name was hailed in many legal journals. And despite the fact that he had "died" four years ago, he was still clearly remembered, and highly thought of.

"No," Mr. Crane replied. "Paul Walters stopped his appeals for a reduced sentence, actually. But the Fields are still fighting it."

Surprised rippled through both Caleb and Rowan. Evelyn had already heard it. Paul and Kevin came from affluent families who likely had no shortage of funds to get their Ivy League sons out of prison. Caleb and Evelyn had been in the courtroom the day they were sentenced.

"Paul Walters wrote you a letter," Mr. Crane said to Rowan, handing it over which she took reluctantly.

Instantly she was assailed with emotions of regret, guilt, sorrow, anger…none of them were hers. Faint images of a young man at a small desk struggling to find words of contrition flashed in her mind. The young man cried, threw his pen at the wall in frustration, fisted his fingers through his hair and pulled…

The images stopped.

"Row…" Caleb said, putting his arm around her. "You okay?"

She shook her head to clear it. "Yeah. I just…" She glanced down at the envelope. Rowan cleared her throat. "Why didn't he just send it to the house?"

"Well, because of the circumstances, Paul Walters thought it would be better to speak to his lawyer about contacting you first, especially with you being a minor."

Evelyn scoffed. "Now he's considerate."

"He also inquired as to meeting you," Mr. Crane finished.

"What?" Caleb asked incredulously.

Evelyn obviously disapproved. She had had some choice words when Mr. Crane had told her before her kids had gotten here.

Rowan was still. Her reaction unenthused. Blank. "Just me?"

He shook his head lightly. "It's my understanding that he's sent letters to all the victims."

"Did they answer him back?"

The other victims were Diana Foust's husband, Brian, and two year old son, who was three now. She had been driving, killed instantly from the impact. Dan Gonzalez had been in the passenger seat. He survived, but was paralyzed from the waist down. Then Lisa Rice. A nineteen year old on the road to becoming a veterinarian. She lasted a few days in ICU, but didn't make it.

"Not to my knowledge," the lawyer replied. "And, of course, there is no obligation for you to do so either."

Rowan nodded lethargically.

"What is he, dying?" Caleb said acidly. "He wants forgiveness?"

Mr. Crane understood the young man's anger. "I do not know his intentions." He gave Rowan the rest of the information and told her to call him if she wanted to set up a meeting with Paul Walters. He shook their hands and he and his driver left.

The three of them remained quiet. Mother and son watched Rowan, gauging her reaction to this unexpected event.

"I have homework," Rowan finally said in monotone. She got up from the sofa, taking heavy steps across the large room, down the long hall, up the many steps, down another hallway, and into her room, shutting herself and the three animals inside.

She kicked off her Docs and plopped on the bed, slumped, head bowed. She ran the pads of her fingers over the material of the envelope, feeling once again faint twinges of sadness, anger, guilt, regret, self-hatred. None of those were hers except the sadness. She opened the envelope with a letter opener, having an odd want of keeping the paper intact and neat as possible. The letter was written on standard lined paper. The ink was black. The handwriting a narrow scrawl. There were a lot of scratch-outs. Some sections were written differently than others, as if his handwriting changed with his mood.

It was a page and a half in length, front and back. It seemed oddly intrusive how he addressed her by her first name at the top, like they were friends, like he knew her, it was so casual. The words blurred, and at first she thought she might need glasses before she realized that it was just a veil of tears obscuring the normal clarity of her vision. She blinked them back, having no patience for a good cry right now.

…_I hardly know how to begin…_ [she reads] _I know it's very likely you might resent this intrusion on your life, for that I apologize. I have a lot to apologize for…_

Rowan put the letter down, got up to her feet, ran her fingers through her hair in a shaky manner. She changed from her school uniform to comfy jeans and long-sleeved shirt. She went back to the letter.

…_although nothing I say or do could ever rectify the grief I've caused so many people…_

A throb echoed from her hip down to her leg. It had to be in her mind, these aches in her collar bone, ribs. And that pounding on the right side of her head where she'd smashed her skull, leaving a four inch scar. Rowan couldn't read anymore. She re-folded the letter and put it carefully back in its crevice. She curled up on the bed and went to sleep.

* * *

**Feedback, por favor. :) **

**How's Reid and Rowan so far? He's not coming off too sappy, is he?  
**


	9. Our Lives

**IX. Our Lives**

_See the truth, all around  
Our faith can be broken  
Our hands can be bound  
But open our hearts  
And fill up the emptiness  
With nothing to stop us  
Is it not worth the risk?  
__-The Calling_

It was just something she felt she had to do on her own. Her friends and family didn't understand why she wanted to do it in the first place. They probably thought she was being masochistic or something, but hurting herself wasn't Rowan's intention. She had never gotten to see the faces of the two college-aged men who'd literally sent her life careening into darkness two years ago. Rowan was only meeting Paul Walters. She had vacillated over the letter for a week, reading and re-reading it that even in a mere seven days the paper was becoming worn.

Rowan boarded the train and took a seat. She'd opted for this method of transportation over a car because she was anxious enough, and did not need the added stress of being enclosed in a car for over an hour. All Rowan had with her was a tote bag with a book (which she doubted she'd read) her cell phone (which would be confiscated at the prison), her wallet, and a diet Coke. The inside of the train was quiet as it made its way on the tracks it was connected to. Rowan had woken up at six in the morning, well before the time she was to leave for the train station. She had laid out her clothes the night before – jeans, dark blue long-sleeved thermal shirt with her anti-dog fighting tee over it, and her Chucks.

Why was she doing this again? she wondered. Her head settled against the window, she closed her eyes. Reid could have been next to her right now, but she had continually declined his offers for his company, not ungratefully. Rowan knew he was annoyed at the situation. More so because he didn't understand _why_ she was going, than the fact that she was doing it at all. He even blurted out that he thought she was "pushing him away." _You talked to Aaron about it,_ he'd accused. His face had rouged, and he'd turned his back immediately like maybe they could both forget he'd said that. It was their first argument as a couple.

Her counselor had once suggested she write down the experience if she couldn't talk about it. Even among the rest of the group that was suffering from PTSD and their other demons, Rowan struggled to narrate how she felt about the car accident, how she felt about the guys who had caused it. Mostly she'd talk about how silly she felt that she wasn't over it yet. She wasn't the one who'd lost anything in the crash. Her friends and family had gone through more pain than she did.

_Are you sure?_ her counselor had asked her gently. _Don't you think you've lost anything, Rowan?_

That was over a year ago.

The closest her loved ones got to seeing or knowing how the accident had affected her was when she had panic attacks, when she felt suffocated in a car. She didn't want to talk because the more she heard herself the more it sounded like she was miring herself in self-pity. But Rowan didn't pity herself, that wasn't allowable. She knew she had a hell of a lot more in her life than most people, and she was damned grateful for it, so she couldn't bring herself to lament about her woes until they overflowed.

The train made a pit-stop. Rowan stayed on for the twenty minute lapse. She got out her drink and twisted the top that let out a hiss when the seal broke. The cool fluid wet her parched throat. She closed it, put it back in her bag, leaned her head against the window, closed her eyes. Maybe she should go back to grief counseling, she thought idly. She missed her counselor, hadn't spoken to her in months.

She wondered if Tim was still there, the thirty-something man who witnessed his sister-in-law shoot his brother to death in a domestic dispute at a family function. Had he managed to go back to work or patch things up with his own wife and kids who he had distanced himself from? Stella, the eighteen year old whose best friend had committed suicide. Was she still smoking pot and getting wasted to numb her pain?

Sometimes Rowan had gotten quietly frustrated listening to some of the people who complained that no one knew what they were going through; but they spoke about how their family and friends tried to help, but they "just didn't understand." They'd sounded so ungrateful. At least they had family there who wanted to help. You don't blindly push that kind of support away, Rowan had wanted to tell them. She knew she wouldn't have made it without the people she loved around her. Even if she couldn't talk about it, she found comfort enough in their presence, and the knowledge that they loved her.

Sometimes when you want something you don't get it, but Life knows better than you, so it drops what you need at your feet, even if you don't want it.

There were a few people in the visiting room. Because of the minimum-security thing the inmates weren't cuffed or shackled. Whatever they call it, Rowan thought. Mr. Crane had met her at the train station and they'd driven to the prison together. He helped her get admitted and told her he would return at the designated time. So, here she sat in a room that vaguely resembled a cafeteria with small round tables put here and there. She counted seven people, not including the guards. Five minutes later Paul Walters was admitted into the room. He wore blue jeans and gray sweatshirt with worn sneakers.

Should she stand up, remain seated? She didn't know what the proper protocol was. Paul stopped five feet away from the table, likely wondering how he should greet her, too. He was about five-eleven with bland brown hair, brown eyes, thin figured. Rowan didn't know what he had looked like before prison, but she figured that what she saw now was a mere shadow of the person he had once been.

Her smile flashed, died. "Hi."

"Hi," he said, his voice just as tentative as hers. He eyed the seat, sat down carefully, folded his hands on the tabletop.

He had dark circles under his eyes, his skin was pale, fingernails bitten to the nub.

Paul tried to smile at her, too. He'd been a mess of nerves when his lawyer had told him that Rowan Danvers was coming to see him. Although he genuinely wished he could apologize to those he hurt in person, he hadn't thought that any of them would actually accept. And he was surprised that it was this young girl seated across from him who had taken up the gauntlet, so to speak. She was pretty with light brown skin, brown eyes, long black hair. Paul only knew so much about her. She was in high school, a freshman the day the accident happened. She'd be a what, a junior now?

"How are you?" she asked.

His brow rose. "I'm doing all right. How are you?" He was usually more articulate than this, but even after a year in prison his social skills were becoming rusty.

Rowan shrugged. "Same as you, I guess."

The quiet stretched, each of them pulling on opposite ends wondering when it would snap.

"Why…why did you decide to come?" he managed to say.

She tipped her head to the side like a tiny bird.

"I mean," he went on, "I'm…glad that you did, but…"

"I never got to see you," Rowan said. "Either of you."

He nodded, not entirely understanding. She was right about that. He had seen every family member but this one. Looking at them was the hardest thing he'd had to do in the courtroom. Both he and Kevin had made apologies at a podium to the judge, hoping he'd go easy on them, wishing they weren't there, wondering how they did. Drunk as shit, speeding down the street. Kevin yammering on is cell phone.

"This battery is for shit," he slurred, taking his eyes off the road, swerving.

Paul was punching the buttons on the radio, trying to find a decent station. He snatched Kevin's phone, looked at the screen. "Battery's full." Coordination was off, tried to hand it back, their hands met in a clash, phone dropped, both instinctively bent down to retrieve it…

It was weird how an impact could sober you better than two Advil and a good night's sleep. It all happened in less than five minutes. They stumbled from their dented car, barely registering the chaos around them until other cars started to pull over, one car in particular was totally wrecked.

Rowan watched Paul as he was obviously being pulled into the past. This must be what her brothers saw when she zoned out. An inward stare, a stillness of the shoulders, tight jaw, furtive blinking of the eyes as if trying to brush away the images, really you were trying to blink back the tears.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

Paul came to. Looked at her. Chuckled harshly, disbelievingly. "I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine," she said again.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, voice cracking, eyes boring into her. "I'm so sorry." Shit, he promised himself he wouldn't cry.

Rowan didn't know what to do. Her normal instinct when seeing someone in pain was to try to comfort them, but she remained still, immobile. She was pretty sure she wasn't allowed physical contact anyway, so her urge to reach over and put her hand over his was tamped out. He seemed to be keeping himself together so far, though.

"I probably fucked up your life," he said, not looking at her.

She paused. "No, not really." Her eyes moved away, then back. "I didn't lose anything."

His glare was sharp. "No?" He licked his dry lips. "Weren't you in a coma?"

She nodded. "Three weeks."

"This had no impact on you?"

Rowan couldn't out and out lie. "What do you want me to say? That I'm a wreck?"

"No."

Then Rowan figured out what he wanted to hear. The truth. So it could hurt him. He wanted it to, because he deserved it.

"I still take anti-anxiety meds," she told him. "I still have panic attacks. I got my license last December. Before the accident I used to think of all the places I could take my pets when I was able to drive. After, I couldn't look at a car without losing my breath. I still have nightmares about it. I still try to avoid getting in cars when I can. I took the train here." Rowan nodded, Paul was following along. Rowan told him about every bone she broke, every laceration, every scar. The painful rehab. "I remember every second. Know why?"

He nodded, sadly. "You were conscious the three hours you were stuck in the car," he said quietly, as if by rote, as if it was something that was indelibly etched in his mind. It probably was.

"There you go," she finished. Rowan wiped away the tears she hadn't known fell. "It could have been worse."

"How?"

"It could have been someone I loved in that car," she said.

Paul had listened to her. Her words laced with pain, but she wasn't railing at him, she hadn't stared at him angrily. She wasn't accusing him of anything.

"Aren't you angry?"

She didn't answer for a moment. "I haven't been for a long time. Do you want me to be angry with you?"

"That would be a normal response."

"And mine isn't?"

He shrugged one-shouldered. "I just thought you would be…"

"Pissed."

He nodded. But she still hurt from it, he could tell.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked, index finger tracing an invisible circle on the table. She had silver polish on.

"Sure."

She sighed. "Why did you stop your appeals?" Rowan had read this in the letter, but she wanted him to say it aloud to gauge his sincerity.

"Because I deserve to be here for what I've done." And there was no pity in his voice, no hatred towards himself. It was his truth.

"Your friend doesn't think the same?"

Paul puffed a gray cloud of laughter. Kevin. He thought the sentence was ridiculous. No way should a person like him be in prison. He wanted to finish college, not spend the rest of his youth in here. "Yeah, he was pissed when I told him I was stopping. My family doesn't get it either."

"Do they visit you?"

"When they can."

"Do your friends visit you?"

Pause. "Not lately."

"Oh. You mean they came once or twice and you haven't seen them since."

He peered at her. "Pretty much."

"Yeah, well, it's in times of adversity when we figure out who our real friends are, hmm?"

"How old are you?" he asked.

She smirked. "Sixteen. But age doesn't necessarily equate to wisdom."

Paul thought of his actions. "That's true."

The quiet settled in again.

"What do you do here?" she asked.

Paul seemed surprised that she wanted to know. So he told her that since this was a minimum-security prison that he got to work on community projects and wilderness conservation because of the location of the building. It was the kind of work he had never had to do before, and it felt oddly fulfilling to be doing something constructive and beneficial with his time.

Their hour was up before they knew it. They both stood, the departure awkward. Paul wanted to continue speaking with her, if only for the company, and in the short time he'd come to like her. There weren't enough people like her on the planet.

"Thank you for coming," he said.

She smiled, close-lipped. "You can write me. You know, to my home, if you want."

"Yeah…yeah, okay," he replied, taken aback.

"You're doing good, Paul. I think you are."

He swallowed a lump in his throat, nodded his thanks, reluctant to speak. Rowan understood.

Reid waited in the lobby of the prison. Whatever it's called, he thought. There were others, waiting their turn to be admitted to see whoever. He'd talked to Atticus Crane about being allowed to sit here and wait for Rowan. He didn't care what she said, she may be okay going in, but by the time she left she would be better off with someone by her side. That someone being him, not to overestimate his importance in her life or anything. Besides, they'd left some things unsettled the other day. Their first argument. Or mostly him being snippy. Sitting here now, he still didn't get why she was here. Were it him in the room with that guy he'd knock him out and probably wouldn't stop there. He had a few choice words for one of the guy's who had almost taken Rowan from his life. That was unforgivable.

"_It's pointless to go," he'd told her. "You'll only hurt yourself."_

Not the best words to have said, Reid thought.

"_Why do you want to see him anyway? He almost got you killed."_

Something Rowan didn't need to be reminded of.

"_If you need to vent or something you don't have to go to him to do it."_

"_It's not about venting."_

"_Whatever, talking to him about it. Go ahead. You talk to everyone else about it."_

"_No, I don't."_

"_You talked to Aaron about it," he'd yelled._

Reid winced inwardly, remembering his words. He shouldn't have left things like that. He sighed, checked his watch. He looked back up, Rowan had come in, and the lady behind the desk was returning her things. Five seconds later Rowan saw him. He stood up, approached her tentatively. Before he could say anything she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on.

"Yeah, I thought you might need a hug," he said, voice muffled against her hair.

She chuckled, stepped back. They walked out, hand in hand. Mr. Crane's limo was waiting to take them back to the train station. A half hour later they were seated next to one another as the wheels grinded against the tracks.

"This is all very _Midnight Express_," Reid said.

Rowan laughed. "You mean _Orient Express_?"

"Yeah, that." He put his arm around her, holding her in the nook of his arm so her head could rest on him. He kissed the top of her head. Ah, honeysuckle today. "So…how was it?" Would she talk to him about it?

"He said he deserves to be there. That's why he stopped the appeals."

"He does," Reid blurted before he could stop himself.

Rowan pulled away so she could turn a little to the side and face him. "He's sorry. He's in so much pain because of what he did." She saw Reid's jaw clench and she knew he was biting back a wealth of recriminations he had. "Paul thought I'd be angry with him, I think he wanted me to be." She shrugged uncertainly. "But I couldn't. He's in worse shape than I am."

"How's that?"

"His friends abandoned him. Only his parents come to visit, and not very often at that."

Okay, that sucked, Reid conceded. But he wasn't going to say it out loud. He still didn't feel sorry for the prick. And he still didn't understand how or why Rowan could feel an ounce of sympathy for Paul Walters.

"Here, I want you to read this," she said. She took out the letter from her tote bag and handed it to him.

Reid was surprised she was letting him in like this. He took the letter after a few moments of hesitation. "Now?" Rowan nodded. She turned away to let him have it to himself. "You sure?" She nodded again.

So, he read:

_January 3, 2006_

_Rowan,_

_I hardly know how to begin. I know it's very likely you might resent this intrusion on your life, for that I apologize. I have a lot to apologize for although nothing I say or do could ever rectify the grief I've caused so many people._

_As Mr. Crane has perhaps told you by now, I have decided to cease my attempts for an appeal. I have done a lot of soul-searching (I always thought that term pretentious and corny, but now I get it) and I have come to realize and believe, that my sentence is just, because it is nothing compared to what I callously and unrightfully sentenced you, Diana Foust, Dan Gonzalez, Lisa Rice and yours and their families to. _

_I deserve to be here. And I have no right to take the easy way out. _

_I would give anything to right the wrongs I've committed, but I do not have that kind of power. If I did, I'd use all of it in a heartbeat. _

_If you chose to read this, I'm grateful. It's more than I deserve._

_Take care._

_Sincerely,_

_Paul Walters_

Reid didn't say anything as he refolded the paper and put it in its envelope and handed it back to Rowan. She took his hand, and began to speak. He listened as she recounted her feelings at the initial impact, all her thoughts and fears when she was stuck in the car for three hours.

"The sirens were so loud but I felt disconnected from it. The quiet inside the car was suffocating. Sometimes I heard Dan groan. I wanted to ask them if they were all right, but I couldn't get any words out."

He didn't interrupt when she cried because he knew it would disrupt her train of thought, and this was hard enough for her.

"Then one of the paramedics came, saw that I was awake. I remember the look of surprise and disbelief on his face that someone had survived. I was so happy to see someone. He said they were going to get me out of there, but then his face disappeared, and I never felt so alone in my entire life."

Rowan stopped for a minute to collect herself.

"I knew I was dying," she was telling him. "I was at the bottom of the ocean, the weight of water was crushing and I couldn't breathe. I kept waiting and waiting for it, so the pain would hurt so much, Reid," she confided, squeezing his hand tightly. "I wanted to die."

He felt punched in the chest repeatedly, hearing her say that, hearing the sorrow in every one of her words. Reid had to close his eyes for a moment to crush the pounding behind them.

"It was weird, I heard the doctor tell you I had died, then I heard crying and yelling. And I knew I couldn't leave you guys. I didn't fight it when my body started to float back up to the surface." She sniffled. "The next time I woke up, you were there."

And Reid was taken back to that moment. He remembered his world crashing, screaming at the doctor, punching the wall until Hunter had stopped him. He didn't know anyone's sorrow but his own.

"I still dream about it," she went on quietly. "But you know that. You don't know that there are some mornings when I don't want to get out of bed, and some nights when I'm afraid to go to sleep." She was almost drained. "I don't say anything because I don't want to be a burden. You guys worry enough as it is."

"You're never a burden, Row," he told her.

"No one wants someone around when they're maudlin all the time."

"Hey, I'd take you maudlin."

Rowan chuckled. "You're going to be known as the guy who has a crazy girlfriend."

"I like crazy," he said. "The hell with everyone else."

Rowan smiled faintly. "Thank you."

"Thanks for telling me."


	10. These Magic Moments

**X. These Magic Moments**

_Your vessels and your spells provide,  
Your charms and every thing beside.  
I am for the air; this night I'll spend  
Unto a dismal and a fatal end.  
Great business must be wrought ere noon:  
Upon the corner of the moon  
-Macbeth_

"Wake up Baby Boy!" Reid yelled in Tyler's ear. "You're seventeen today."

Tyler groaned loudly, turned on his side and put the pillow over his ear. "Seventeen and deaf, thank you."

"Get out of bed, I want breakfast," Reid ordered.

As per custom, Rowan made their favorites breakfasts with all the toppings on their birthdays. Today was Tyler's turn, and Reid was hungry, and no one could eat until the birthday boy was ready. Tyler got out of bed and padded to the bathroom, shut the door, his ear still ringing. It was nine in the morning, what the hell was Reid doing up before him?

Fifteen minutes later Tyler was ready. Reid already had Tyler's keys in his hand, jingling them impatiently. They were going to Pogue and Hunter's apartment for the morning half of Ty's birthday. The sky was pure blue, but the ground was coated with a sheet of white. When they got to the apartment and walked through the door, Hunter was there with the camcorder. Ernie, Bubbe, and Bruce Lee had birthday hats on their heads.

"And here's yours," Rowan said smiling. She snapped it on Tyler's head, to his embarrassment. It happened to each of them every year, she'd think they would get over it by now, but…men.

Reid was just poking fun at Tyler when Rowan snapped one on his head, too.

"Is the food ready?" Pogue asked.

Rowan rolled her eyes, waved him away. The guys congregated in the living room while Rowan toiled away in the kitchen. Ten minutes later Reid came in, embraced her from behind.

"Hey, hey, don't get fresh," she teased.

He kissed her on the curve of her neck. "Can I take this hat off now?"

Rowan laughed, kissed him full on the lips until his tongue broke through and even the noise coming from the living room was shut out. Reid always thoroughly enjoyed their make out sessions, or any level of a kiss from a small peck to a full on…well, this. Her lips tasted like berries, they felt like velvet. Rowan was the only one he had ever kissed and not thought about sex at the same time. He could kiss her, stop, hold her; kiss her, stop, talk; kiss her until they lost their breath, stop, small kisses that built up into another frisson of oxygen-stealing connection.

They pulled apart just as the din in the living room grew louder, the four guys and three animals coming into the kitchen.

"Rain check?" Rowan asked. There was a sparkle in her eye. Her irises were a blend of light brown and amber right now. They often changed colors with her moods.

"I won't let you forget it," he said softly.

"Food!" Pogue announced.

"Neanderthal," Hunter censured, setting the camcorder on the kitchen table.

"Tyler first!" Rowan reminded them all.

So the youngest Son got to take his stack of blueberry pancakes with whipped cream, sausage, bacon, Denver omelets, orange juice. And there had to be enough for all of them. Athletes had black pits for stomachs.

An hour later they were all beyond stuffed, so they moved to the living room to give Tyler his presents. Because more than half the people present were guys, it didn't take long for Tyler to get through it all. While they chatted about guy things, Ernie and Bruce Lee fought over wrapping paper while Bubbe looked on drolly, Rowan went into the kitchen to clean up.

"No, no, no, I got this, Row," Reid said. His eyes flashed and the kitchen was spic-and-span in less than two seconds.

Rowan settled her fists on her hips, looked around, shook her head. "Is this how you clean?" she asked.

"It's the best way," he replied.

"Yeah, okay." Rowan smiled. "I can't complain. Thanks."

"Bruce Lee!" Caleb said. "Rowan!"

She and Reid went back into the living room. "What?"

"He hid my keys," her brother said.

She sighed. The ferret was sitting by Bubbe innocently. Ernie had gone to Tyler, the shepherd's head on his thigh, setting himself apart from the troublemaker.

"You really should keep a better eye on your things, Caleb," Reid lectured.

"You get your beanie back yet?" Caleb retorted, and Reid lost his smirk.

Rowan rolled her eyes, followed the invisible trail into the bathroom, came back with Caleb's car keys. "Behind the toilet," she told him.

He made a face as if she said they'd been _in_ the toilet. "You guys clean your bathroom, right?"

"It's your week," Hunter said.

"It's yours," Pogue said back.

"You use it for two," Hunter pointed out.

"How's that?"

"Kate showers here."

"So does Gabriel."

"You guys!" Rowan stepped in. "You know the rules. No whining."

Pogue and Hunter had masculine pouts on as they leaned back in their respective chairs, arms crossed over their chests making their muscles bulge. There wasn't really any trouble between them, neither of them were slobs, and both had ways of making housework go extremely fast what with Pogue being a warlock, and Hunter being telekinetic, neither one had to lift a finger.

"That's better," Rowan said happily. She checked her watch. It was only noon.

Tyler's party was supposed to start at seven which meant they had to begin setting up around five-thirty. Rowan also had to put the finishing touches on his cake, too. The party was going to be at Reid's place because his parents weren't home, and no party was a party with parental supervision, and Tyler's parents were in town.

"Okay, I have to go," Rowan said, standing up. "You guys go do…whatever you guys do." Bubbe meowed. "Except for you." She picked Bubbe up. "You're coming with me. Can you guys manage these two?" she asked, referring to Ernie and Bruce Lee.

They nodded. Caleb unconsciously checked his pocket for his keys.

Reid walked her out to her car, the chilled wind nipping both of them in their faces.

"You need any help?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, Dizzy and Pinkie are coming over to help."

"Oh, just the girls then."

"I won't laugh at that, except Pinkie would probably agree."

They kissed goodbye, long and sweet, and Reid watched her drive off.

xx

A few hours later, Tyler's cake taken care of, Dizzy was back at the dorms. She wanted to give Tyler his birthday present before the party. Lately she had inklings that she might be in love with him, but did not know if it was too soon to tell him. Things were going great so far. Tyler was a perfect gentlemen, never pestered her about sex, unlike David; he was a fantastic kisser, considerate, funny, athletic…

Tyler answered the door when she knocked. His lips instantly broke into a wide smile. He stepped back to let her in and closed the door. He kissed her on the cheek. He was wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt, his hair in that haphazard hairdo that guys could pull off like nothing. Her long hair was down and bouncy. Her pink sweater hugged her curves, and her skinny jeans did the same.

"What's up? Row said you went over to her place."

"Yeah, to help with the cake. It's all done." Dizzy was clutching his present in her hands, and it felt unusually heavy. "Reid's not here?" she asked idiotically, as the blond wasn't in the room.

"No, he took Ernie and Bruce Lee back to Rowan. What's this?" he asked, gesturing towards the rectangular package.

She looked down at it as if she'd never seen it before. "Oh!" She cleared her throat. "Your birthday present. I wanted to give it to you early."

"You didn't have to get me anything."

Dizzy rolled her eyes. "Silly, you didn't seriously expect me to not have anything for you, did you?" She held out the box.

"Thank you." Tyler kissed her again, grinning.

"Okay, you haven't even opened it yet," she said sheepishly.

He smiled, sat down on the bed and unwrapped the package. Inside was a 20x18 picture in a silver frame. It was a detailed pencil/charcoal drawing of him in a chair from the waist up. He was in the school library at a table, his head bent over a book, his forearms rested leisurely on either side of the open text, school blazer draped over the back of his chair. His profile was unsmiling but serene, concentrated. He recognized this part of the library, it was his favorite place to sit. Separate, but not secluded. In the background were the shelves of books and other tables. The texture and contrast added depth and realism.

"Wow," he said. "This is fantastic."

"Really?"

He turned to her. "Yeah." He shook his head in wonder, blue eyes going back to the picture. "This must have taken you…forever."

"It was from freshman year," she blurted. "I went to the library to get some books for a report and you were sitting there…you looked so…just perfect and peaceful."

"I love you…" _Oh, shit._ "I mean this!" he hastily corrected himself. "I love this." Oh, who the hell was he fooling. He looked her in the eyes. "I love you." He rushed to say, "And it's okay if you don't feel the same way…I mean, I would hope you do, someday, but-"

Tyler was interrupted by her lips full on his. Her hands cupped his face and pressed him closer. She smelled faintly of some fancy perfume. His hand reached around to cusp the base of her head and when they broke apart they were breathless.

"I love you, too, Ty. I mean, Tyler. Sorry."

"You can call me Ty," he said.

"Really? I know Rowan and your brothers call you that, and…"

He laughed. "They wouldn't mind, I promise."

"Just don't call you Baby Boy?" she teased.

"That'd be nice," he said with a wry smirk.

She laughed. "Tyler Bear?"

Tyler laughed loudly. "I don't think anyone's called me that before."

"I like it. Even masculine men get stuck with cutesy pet names. It's, like, a girlfriend's prerogative."

"Masculine, huh?" he said, amused, eyebrows raised.

"Well." She rolled her eyes bashfully. "Don't let it go to your head or anything."

xx

Rowan was in her bedroom laying out her outfit for the party. It still wasn't for a few hours, but she liked to have it all on the table, so to speak. Bubbe watched her periodically while she demurely licked her paws. The sunshine wafted into her bedroom; Rowan was glad it wasn't a cloudy day. She stood by one of the larger windows, looking out over the vast garden. She could see her glass house from here, the old swing-set her dad had put up when she was two. It was covered with snow. The nostalgia washed over her, dampening her spirits a little bit.

Idly, she wondered how Abel was doing now. She still thought about him, there wasn't any point in denying it. The last time she had scried for him he was doing well. More nostalgia. She was pulled to the bottom drawer of her dresser. She kneeled down, looked at the folded sweater that had once been Abel's. She hadn't taken it out in ages; or what seemed like ages to her. Her fingers ran over the cotton material, she remembered the way it had felt over her skin because she'd been wearing nothing underneath. She remembered the abandon she had with Abel, fully ready to give herself to him, full of trust and love.

Instead of taking out the sweater she took out the box that was next to it. She removed the top; inside were ticket stubs, receipts, a short message he'd written her, and other keepsakes from their time together. Rowan was a natural packrat, she still had birthday cards from her fourth birthday, so she didn't feel too guilty about still having these things that were hers and Abel's.

Rowan sighed, put everything back in its place. Bubbe meowed beside her and Rowan hugged her to her chest, rubbing her cheek against the soft fur. She carried the cat downstairs with her to her sanctum sanctorum. Bubbe took her regular seat in front of the fish tank; put her nose against the glass. Rowan went behind the counter of the apothecary half of the room, got out her scrying tools. Was this fair to Reid? she asked herself. He knew she loved him, and there wasn't anything wrong with checking up on Abel, was there?

She vacillated for a few moments, but as it was she didn't have a chance to make a decision because Ernie and Bruce Lee came running into the room. She put away the scrying implements just before Reid walked into the room.

"Thought you'd be in here," he said.

She smiled, walked away from the counter, and to him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing, I just got in here," she replied as casually as she could, turning away from him to sit on the couch.

Reid joined her; put his feet up on the coffee table. He smiled at her. "So, rain check?"

"Is that what you came here for?" she teased.

He grinned. "We can do whatever you want."

"Anything?"

He shrugged magnanimously.

"Hmm…would you hold the yarn while I knit a sweater?"

Reid grimaced faintly. "I did that for you last week."

"And it was very nice of you."

"I get a reward then?" he asked, dipping his head so his forehead could touch hers. His fingertips caressed her cheek lightly.

Rowan could feel the heat coming off of him as he got closer. And his lips were warm, the kiss soft then firm, and she felt herself go down on the couch with Reid on top of her. He always supported himself on his forearms so he wouldn't crush her. She was so tiny, yet she fit him perfectly.

xx

The music was loud, the place was crowded. People whom Tyler hadn't even invited to his party had attended, but it wasn't like he was going to do anything about it. Even if Aaron, Brody, and Kira showed up. They likely felt it was their right to attend as their family made – almost – as much money as theirs did. Besides, the place was crowded, as previously stated.

Rowan was talking to Gabriel, Pinkie, Dizzy, and Judy a ways away but she saw Reid across the room. He caught her eye and winked, she smiled back. Caleb joined them, handing Judy a drink which she accepted somewhat shyly. They hadn't really hung out since she had broke things off with him before things could get started, but seeing her here Caleb wanted to take advantage of the time.

"Who's she?" Reid asked.

Pogue and Tyler looked in the blond's direction. Tall, brunette, scantily clad. They didn't know. Fair game.

"Black, cotton," Tyler said, slapping a ten on the pool table.

Reid shook his head like he knew best. "Lace thong." He slammed his fare down.

Pogue rolled his eyes, put his ten down. "Guys-"

"Well, this is an interesting birthday game!" Rowan interrupted, slapping her hand down on all three of theirs.

"Hey, babe!" Reid said, jumping back a little, giving her his most charming smile.

"Lil Bit, I thought you were…" Pogue looked in the direction he could have sworn Rowan had been at a minute ago.

Tyler rouged.

"Uh huh…" Rowan said. She took her hand away, and in her palm were three ten dollar bills.

The guys eyed the money, lifted their own hands – nothing there.

Rowan ironed out the bills. "Ten bucks to see what a girl is wearing underneath her skirt." An expression of mock contemplation passed over her face. Rowan knew they played this bet of theirs before, and had interceded only a few times, as she didn't go to Nicky's as often as they did. But since they were all at Reid's place, she was more likely to catch them at something. Like now. "Tsk, tsk."

"We were just…" Reid trailed on.

Rowan nodded tolerantly. "Tyler…shame. And after Dizzy gave you that nice drawing." Tyler's face turned redder. To Pogue: "You, too, Pogue. What would Kate think?" Pogue's face stilled in something akin to panic, eyes flittering around the room trying to find his girlfriend. Rowan just grinned innocently, eyes back on the thirty bucks. "As you know, the humane society subsists on public donations, so…here's thirty bucks for them."

They didn't say anything, as they knew they were getting off easy. Rowan gave them all one last 'tsk' and walked away.

Pogue and Tyler took the prime moment to go join their respective girlfriends. Reid went off in search of Rowan, he didn't know if she was really mad at him or not. Sure, catching him betting on a girl's underwear when they were just friends was one thing, but now that he was her boyfriend. He went up to the second floor, and he was just rounding the corner as she was in the opposite direction.

Reid stopped her by her shoulders so he wouldn't bump into her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she said hesitantly, uncertain. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shifted from one foot to the other. "About earlier…"

Rowan smiled. "Oh, I see." Tonight was wearing a royal blue knee length, flared tiered skirt with a beaded belt, a black double-layered scoop-necked tank with a white dove decal, and her black Ludlow boots.

"You mad?"

Rowan smirked, took him by the hand and led him into his bedroom and shut the door behind them. She plopped on the bed. "Should I be mad?"

Reid observed her. Trick questions, damn it. His expression of abject concentration made her giggle.

"I'm just kidding, Reid. No, I'm not mad."

He paused. "Really?"

"You thought I would be?"

He opened his mouth uncertainly. "Well…"

"If you thought I would be, why'd you do it?"

"Ah, Row," he complained.

She laughed again, got up and embraced him around the waist. "It's okay, really." She shrugged. "I mean, I don't really like it, but…I'm not going to get on you about it."

"If you don't want me to, I won't," he said.

"Forget about it," she said. "Besides," – her eyes shifted playfully – "I know my ass is the only one you're really interested in."

Reid's head tipped back when he laughed. He kissed her once, twice, then they were in a full-on lip lock. They gravitated backwards until her ass hit the edge of his bed. One hand was low on her back, the other on her hip which was coming around. Rowan felt the pressure of his hand on her butt, she smiled against his lips.

He knew Rowan favored those small cotton bikini panties because he'd pilfered through her drawers a while ago, and he thought her ass looked pretty damned good in anything.

"Your ass is definitely the only one I'm interested in," he told her, voice a bit raw.

"You say the nicest things." And even in her boots she had to raise herself up on her tip-toes a bit to get back to his lips.

They fell back on the bed and lost track of the time. Her skirt slid up her thigh revealing bare skin. Reid had rolled off his fingerless gloves so he could touch her. The skin on her thigh was just as smooth as the skin on her face, her arms, her neck. This was as far as he'd gotten in the petting department because he hadn't wanted to make her uncomfortable, and she wasn't voicing any objections to his hand caressing her thigh at the moment so he figured he would just keep on doing it.

It was when his fingers touched the hem of her tank and brushed the flesh of her abdomen that Rowan grabbed his wrist, her body tense.

"Sorry," was his automatic reply, albeit a breathless one. He rose up on his arms a bit to give her some breathing space.

"No, it's not that…" she said, not meeting his eye. Rowan cleared her throat. "I…my… See?" She had lifted up her top about an inch so he could see the beginnings of a jagged scar.

She had her face turned to the side; flinched a little when the pad of his thumb ran over the dead scar tissue. There were more, he knew. He pushed down the band of her skirt, just a tad, and below her navel were two more. One on her hip, deeper, more painful.

"The one on my lower back's the worst," she spoke.

"Hey…look at me," he said softly, gently guiding her face back to him. "You're beautiful. Your scars don't change anything."

Her brow furrowed. "They're ugly."

He shook his head. "They're just a part of you, that's all."

Her half-smile was somewhat conciliatory. Reid kissed her on her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And they had been in his room for almost an hour. Someone was likely to notice they were gone sooner or later. Reid, slowly and uncomfortably, got off of her, but couldn't stand so he sat hunched over.

"Reid?" Rowan said his name.

"One minute," he replied, now he wasn't looking at her.

A beat of silence, then, "Oh." She muffled her laughter.

"Hey!" Reid exclaimed. "This is your fault."

She snorted. "Yeah, okay."

"It is. You have a very strong effect on my body, thank you," he retorted jocularly, his blue eyes sparkling. He shook his head, then it hung again. He concentrated on taking deep breaths, because this sure as hell wasn't abating. He was about to tell her to go back downstairs without him, but he heard her move and she was kneeling down in front of him with her hands on his knees.

The curve of her full lips was uncertain, timid. "Do you…?"

All words were caught in his throat. His lips were parted but nothing was coming out. "You don't…I…" Well, he certainly wasn't opposed, but…

Rowan's hands slid up his jean-clad thighs, tentatively, causing him to straighten his back, up to his belt which was covered by his black shirt.

"Row…" he said, putting his hand lightly on her arm.

"You don't want me to?" she asked, perplexed.

He licked his lips, swallowed, words utterly serious, honest. "You sure? I'm not going to be mad if you don't."

Rowan nodded. "I know."

xx

A half-hour later they were back at the party. Reid had asked her if she was okay about ten times before they'd gotten downstairs, because mostly he was worried about her regretting it, something he definitely didn't want. And partly because she looked a little distracted, but… And the very much unneeded and unwelcome question popped in his head: _Did she do this with Abel?_ It damned near destroyed the euphoria of the moment, but he wasn't going to let idle thoughts ruin what had occurred between him and Rowan.

An hour later, Rowan finally getting Reid to stop fussing, she insisted he go back and play pool with Tyler and Pogue, Caleb was with them now, Judy and Dizzy, too. Pinkie was holding a cue stick in his hands like it was a foreign object as Gabriel tried to explain to him how to play the game. Pinkie pursed his lips primly and handed the piece of shaved wood to Gabriel with a prissy shake of his head.

Rowan was without ChapStick, realizing she left it in her car, so she grabbed her coat and went outside. The wind was wicked, making her long hair curtain with the cold night. She walked carefully to her jeep, making sure she wouldn't slip on a patch of ice anywhere. She was just about to unlock her door when she heard a rather explicit curse a few cars down. Rowan looked and saw a drunk Aaron Abbot trying to get into his car. Kira and Brody were nowhere to be seen.

"Aaron?" she called, approaching him. There was no way he was going to get in that car and drive somewhere.

"Well, look who it is," he said, not quite slurring. But Rowan knew what a drunk sounded like.

She ignored his tone. "Were you leaving?"

"Yup. Party blows." He dropped his keys, cursed again.

"Aaron, you can't drive yourself. Where are Kira and Brody?"

"Who fuckin' cares?"

Rowan futilely gazed around her. Sure, there were a few people mingling outside, but nearer the front doors where they could hop right back into warmer quarters should they need. She walked the last few feet to Aaron, grabbed his keys.

"You're not driving, come on." She tugged on his arm, surprisingly he followed.

"Okay, but only if we can ride in the back seat," he commented lewdly.

"Not happening."

He yanked his arm back. "Forget it then." He held out his hand. "Give me my keys."

Her eyes became slits. "No."

"I'm not going to ask you again, Rowan Danvers," he spat.

"I'm not going to _tell_ you again, Aaron Cornelius Abbot," she retorted.

That shut him up. His mouth opened, closed, opened, like a fish. "How'd you know my middle name? Not even Kira knows it!"

Rowan smirked, shrugged a shoulder. "Do you want her to? Or…" Her eyes went back to her jeep.

Aaron was battling some serious internal debate, but finally he sneered and pushed past her. Rowan hit the alarm on her jeep just as he opened the door. He got in. Rowan momentarily thought about going back in to tell someone she was taking Aaron back to the dorms, but who knew what temperament the drunk teenager would be in by the time she got back. It wouldn't take long anyway.

Before she started the car she reached over into the glove compartment and took out a barf-bag from a package of twenty. She handed one to him.

"Buckle up."

He took the bag slowly, as if he were afraid it'd blow up in his hands. He buckled up rather clumsily.

"You keep puke bags in your car?" he asked.

Rowan was just exiting the Garwin's property. "Yup."

"You are one weird girl."

"So they say." Some people would call Rowan a slow driver, she considered herself a careful one, especially on dark nights where you couldn't see black ice. Dangerous stuff. She hated driving, but there was no way if she had a vehicle in her possession that she would allow someone to drive drunk.

"You really are designated," Aaron commented. "What do you care if I drive anyway?"

"You could kill yourself."

"So?" he said acidly.

"You could kill someone else, too." Her eyes never wavered from the road. She also didn't talk on the phone while driving, staunchly against it.

Aaron groaned, his head lolled back on the headrest. After a few minutes, he said, "You know, if I didn't check, I could swear this car wasn't even moving."

Rowan half-grinned.

Twenty minutes later she was parking nearest Aaron's dormitory. He was groggy by this time, so she helped him out of the car, which proved somewhat disastrous because his equilibrium was off, and he accidentally tugged on her when he lost his balance and they both fell. Rowan's cheek hit the side of the car with a bang, Aaron fell on his ass.

"Jesus Christ!" Aaron yelled.

It took a moment for Rowan to collect herself. Definitely going to have some bruises tomorrow. She got up, helped Aaron. "No big deal, come on." She put her arm around his waist, one of his arms around her shoulders and they trudged their way through the snow to the dorms.

"Why're you helping me?" he asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

She didn't answer for a minute. "Do you want to become a teenage statistic?"

"Who'd care?"

Rowan glanced at him from the tail of her eyes. "You're sad about something?"

"I'm not sad!" he heatedly denied. "What the hell do you know?" When she didn't jump to the defensive he lost some of his air. He mumbled, "My parents are getting separated."

She nodded. "You don't want them to?"

He sighed, shrugged, stumbled, righted himself with Rowan's help. "Doesn't matter what I want. Never does." He went on, "All they do is argue anyway."

"Are they going to try to work it out though?" she asked.

"I dunno." They were walking through the halls now. Some of the lights were on, some doors open. Most kids were likely home for the weekend, or at Tyler's party. "Here," he said, when they reached his door. Aaron unlocked it and Rowan helped him to his bed which he unceremoniously fell on.

Almost by rote, Rowan straightened out his limbs, took off his shoes, wedged the blankets from underneath him to tuck him in.

"Who'd of thought this was the only way I'd get you in my bedroom at night," he said.

Rowan snorted. "Even drunk you just don't lose that wit of yours." She went into his bathroom and filled up a cup of water, got a towel. "You're going to have a raging headache tomorrow morning."

"Thanks for the reminder."

"Anytime." She set the glass of water on his bedside table, put the towel next to his head along with a trash bin. "Just in case." He looked miserable and she found herself sitting down on the side of the bed as she often did with her mom.

"You don't like me much, do you?" he asked, no rancor in his voice.

"I don't know you enough to dislike you. I just don't like some of the things you do and say."

"So tonight was pity?"

"I don't pity you, Aaron. I don't even feel sorry for you."

He scoffed. "Right."

"I don't," she reiterated. "Why should I? You have so much – food, clothes, good education, roof over your head, more amenities than most people get in a lifetime." Rowan shrugged. _But you don't have any real friends,_ she wanted to add. _If you did, it wouldn't have been me driving you back here. _Even for that Rowan couldn't find it in herself to feel sorry for him. Aaron chose to hang out with the people he did. "I don't think you're as big a jackass as you come off as," she said thoughtfully. "You're just lonely."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. But didn't argue. Either he was too drunk to, or her words had sobered him to the point of deep introspection he couldn't reply.

_Keeper…_

It came out of nowhere. It was distant but felt like someone was whispering in her ear at the same time.

"I'll let you get some sleep," she said, standing up.

_Keeper…_

It was insistent, impatient. Demanding.

"Hey," he said, before she could shut the door. "Don't tell anyone about…you know."

"Cornelius?"

"Don't say it!"

Rowan smiled. "Get some rest, Corny."

_Keeper_…

xx

For the first time, Hunter was there before Rowan was. She had followed the voice to the school lake, there was a tall, muscular woman, very Xena-like.

"There," the woman said, an evil leer on her face.

Hunter didn't take his eyes off of the warrior-woman. He'd never hit a woman before, but he also knew this chick wasn't going to back down so hit her he would have to.

"I did not come to fight," the woman said.

Rowan stepped up beside him, though he maintained a protective stance.

"Then you're different from your friends," Rowan said.

"I am a messenger."

"Great. What's the message?" Hunter demanded, still on his guard.

To Rowan, she said, "You won't be here for long."

Neither teen said anything.

"Your friends will miss you," the stranger continued. "When you go back."

"Go back where?" Rowan asked.

The stranger contemplated her. "You're so innocent looking. So young…and old at the same time."

"Is that all?" Hunter said.

"No," a deep voice sounded behind them.

The blast came unbidden, severing the arm-to-arm touch Hunter and Rowan had. Hunter went deep into the woods. Rowan onto the ice of the lake. It cracked, the hair-thin breaks spreading like a spider's web.

Hunter was the first thing that came to mind when her mind cleared. Then the cold of the surface she was on. She touched her forehead. Something black on her fingertips. It must be blood because it was the only thing she felt that was warm. She heard the surface break beneath her, as loud as a window shattering.

And she heard Toby calling her name.

Rowan's eyes flickered. She tried to get off the ice, but it was too slippery, too rocky now. She tried to call out for Hunter. She was worried about him. She wanted to get to him.

"He's unconscious," Toby said. He was kneeling beside her. Weightless.

"Go to him," she said. Rowan tried to move again…slipped, the ice cracked again.

The water was cold.


	11. The Right Hand of Magic

_A/N: I realized in this chapter that I've been referring to one of the past Sons as "Pope," but I actually mean Putnam. Just wanted to clarify that so you know it changed._

** XI. The Right-Hand of Magic**

_And he shall separate them__  
one from another,__  
as a shepherd divideth  
__his sheep from the goats.__  
And he shall set the sheep on his right,  
__but the goats on his left.  
-Matthew 25: 32-33_

The last thing she remembered was the cold engulfing her. Then Gabriel's voice speaking in that smooth French accent of his. Now she was something akin to warm, swaddled in thick blankets on a comfy surface. She wasn't in a hospital – for once – there was no odor of antiseptic and sterilizing alcohol. Actually, she smelled Hunter. She batted her eyes open.

"Hunter!" she called instantly. What happened to him? Toby said he was unconscious. "Hunter!"

"I'm right here," he said, hurrying into the bedroom.

She sat up, her head swam but it didn't stop her. When he was close enough she threw her arms around his neck and held on tight. "Toby said you were…" Ah, she was crying and her words caught in her throat.

"It's okay," he soothed, hugging her back. "Hit my head on a tree."

She leaned back to take a thorough, concerned look at him. She cupped his head in her hands. "Should you go to the hospital? You might have a concussion."

He half-smiled. "You know I have a thick skull. I've never broken a bone in my life." Thanks to his genes. Hunter sat down on the bed, felt her forehead. Gabriel had come ten seconds after Rowan had sunk into the lake; he himself had just been coming around.

That blast had come out of nowhere. That female had completely duped him. She was the messenger but another warlock was there to be the assassin.

"I'm sorry, Row, I should have been on my guard better."

"It's not your fault," she insisted. "It's my responsibility, too, and I didn't see it coming either."

"I'm supposed to protect you." He did feel like a failure. God, if something had happened to Rowan he'd never forgive himself.

She wasn't in the water for more than two minutes, and she was semi-conscious when Gabriel pulled her out. It was almost midnight now and…

"Where is she?" Reid's voice carried from the living room.

"Uh oh," Rowan said under her breath just as Reid appeared in the doorway. He saw the bandage on her forehead. The bruise on her cheek.

"What happened?"

"Why'd you call him?" Rowan asked Hunter.

"He called me," Hunter said.

"Shit, I tried calling you like ten times!" Reid exclaimed. "What the hell happened to your forehead?" She was also wearing clothes that were Hunter's. Reid wasn't worried about that though. He went around to the other side of the bed, sat down. "You left the party." He was a bit peeved. "Without telling anyone, left your cell in my room."

Rowan glanced at Hunter.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Reid voiced. "I'm over here."

Rowan glared at him sternly, a tacit warning that his tone was an inch from crossing the line. When his face softened a bit, Rowan spoke, "Aaron was trying to drive back to the dorms, but I wouldn't let him. So I took him myself."

"Aaron? Why?" Reid interrogated, his dander all the way up again.

"He was drunk. I couldn't let him drive himself," Rowan said.

"You should have gotten Brody or Kira then!"

"It was easier to take him myself."

"And how'd you get that wound on your head? What happened to your cheek?" Reid asked. He paused. "Did he hit you?" His pupils dilated with anger. "Drunken bastard, I'll-"

"He didn't hit me!" Rowan interjected before Reid could fly off on a tangent. She sighed, slumped back on the pillows.

"Rowan, for Christ's sake, I'm completely lost here," Reid said.

Gabriel was leaning against the doorway, observing the scene thoughtfully. "_Pischouette_," he said softly. He had already discussed this with Hunter late into the night. There were some things that needed to follow a certain pattern, even with a subtle nudge.

Reid glanced at all three of them, knowing they were hiding something. "What?" Silence. "Fuck's sake, tell me!"

Rowan sighed again. "Reid…"

The Keeper of the Covenant began to speak.

----

Reid brooded in the living room. Angry and contemplative. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it to infinity. Rowan was sleeping now. Drowning in the lake for God's sake, Christ! Almost drowning, anyway. Warlocks and evil witches trying to assassinate her for the past three years and never a word from her! Oh no, had to keep it a big secret! And Hunter, her destined Shepherd, he wanted to sock his brother in the face for not telling anyone either.

Gabriel and Hunter sat across from Reid silently, letting the blond have some quiet.

"Don't be mad at her," Hunter said, breaking the silence.

Reid glared blue daggers at him. "Don't speak. I'm not liable for my actions right now."

Gabriel patted Hunter's thigh, said something in French.

"English," Reid bit out. He was sick of being left out of the loop.

The sorcerer smiled. "I was just telling him that it would take time for you to get used to this, _n'est-ce pas_?"

Reid snorted derisively. "Yeah, that's right. A bunch of assholes out to kill my girlfriend who apparently is fated to protect the Covenant from some unknown danger or whatever."

"In a nutshell," Hunter said.

"She should have told me," Reid muttered under his breath angrily.

"You heard what she said, Reid," Hunter told him. "She didn't want you all to overreact. She didn't even tell _me_, Gabriel did."

He sighed. "Does she have to do this?" Reid asked Gabriel.

"It's partly what she was born for," he answered.

"And this possible Whitelighter thing?" Reid obviously disapproved. He didn't want Rowan to be responsible for a bunch of errant neophyte witches. "Is this what her nightmares are about, too?"

"Some of them," the Cajun replied.

Reid cursed indistinctly. And Rowan had been dealing with this by herself? For over a year until Hunter found out. He couldn't fathom it. Hadn't she been through enough? His eyes roamed in the direction of Hunter's room where Rowan was sleeping heavily. She was a good witch, knew more than the four Sons put together. Smarter than all of them. She would never claim to be more powerful though.

"You think she'll tell the others now?" Reid asked. He wasn't expecting an answer; it was more of a thought spoken aloud.

Just then they heard Rowan stifle a cry from the room, Reid was up to his feet, and Hunter was about to go too but Gabriel held his wrist and said, "Let him, _chéri_."

----

_Reid dreamed that Rowan had disappeared. They'd been together in the woods and somehow had gotten separated. One minute she was next to him, he turned his head, then she was gone. All he could hear was the leaves blowing, the animals moving. The twigs snapped like bones beneath his feet as he trekked his way through the foliage, searching blindly for her. He called her name until his throat was raw. Defeated, he slumped to the ground, sweaty and dirty. He was thirsty but had no water. _

_He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there when he thought he heard Rowan call his name. Reid was instantly on his feet, head snapping this way and that in all directions trying to ascertain where her voice had come from. Every path looked the same though. So he picked one randomly and followed it, listening for her. He called her name, but all he got was an echo. Reid heard the trickle of a stream, blessedly, followed the sound. And there was Rowan, standing with her back to him, still. _

_He said her name, but she didn't answer. He was just glad to have found her. But when he reached out to touch her shoulder his hand went right through her like she was a ghost. He said she couldn't be because he could smell the faintness of vanilla on her hair, and ghosts didn't have smells. Then Rowan moved, walked away, he followed for what seemed like forever. Then she started to run, the sun was going down. There was a cliff and she was still running, and he was giving chase trying to stop her. Her long black hair whipped out behind her, he could smell the trace of vanilla. He screamed her name._

Reid's eyes snapped open, and he woke with a jerk. It was dark, he didn't know where he was, he thought of Rowan who…was cradled in his arms, pressed against his chest. His heart was still pounding, but it went back to normal along with his breath. He squeezed her close, making sure she was real. He must have fallen asleep when he'd gone to Hunter's room when Rowan had cried out. Remnants of the dream still flickered through his mind. Rowan running for the cliff. He didn't know if he had caught her before she jumped. What would have happened if he hadn't?

Reid sidled closer.

"Reid?" Rowan mumbled his name.

"Right here," he whispered against her ear.

He knew what he would have done – he would have jumped after her.

----

Reid woke up early, a rarity. It was snowing outside. The events of the previous night came back to him and his stomach clenched at the implications. Rowan was lying on her side, facing him, fast asleep. Her face was relaxed, undisturbed. Reid was glad for that. He watched her, observed her beautiful face, even with the bruise on her cheek and bandage on her head. He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, wishing he could change this Keeper thing for her. Reid hadn't gotten to hear her point of view last night; he would ask her today if she felt up to it. Maybe he should gather more information first. All those books at the Colony house might shed some light on the situation.

Reid checked his watch. Eight-thirty. Something must be wrong with him, he never woke up this early, he thought as he stared out the window.

"Hi," Rowan said quietly.

His blue eyes landed back on her. He smiled. "Hey. How're you feeling?"

She rubbed her eyes, winced when she accidentally hit the bruise on her cheek. "Okay, I guess. Felt worse." That much was true. "How long have you been awake?" Her brow furrowed, she rose to check the alarm clock on Hunter's nightstand. She stifled a groan when she twisted. Her body was sore from landing on the ice.

"It's eight-thirty," Reid told her.

Rowan got out of bed slowly. "I have to get to the pharmacy," she said. Today she had to pick up her father's medication, which she did once a month. But every Sunday – when she wasn't incapacitated – she went to the Colony house to visit with him and play chess with Gorman.

"Don't you think you should rest?" Reid asked, getting out of bed, too.

"I'm fine," she told him.

He knew she was going out whether he liked it or not. He was planning on going to the Colony house, too, might as well go with her. "Mind if I tag along?" Reid was almost expecting her to protest politely, try to reassure him again that she was fine.

Rowan smiled softly. "Sounds good. I have to go home and change, feed the animals."

He nodded. He needed to change as well, still in the clothes he'd been wearing the previous night.

"Ugh, my jeep's still at Spensers," she realized.

"Tell you what, I'll drive you home, I'll go to the dorms and change, then I'll come pick you up in your car. By the time I get at your place I know you'll be ready." One of Rowan's virtues, she didn't take forever to get dressed like most girls.

Rowan peered at him. "You just want to drive my car."

Reid grinned.

----

A little over an hour later Rowan was driving into town – slowly – with Reid in the passenger seat trying not to say anything about her speed or lack thereof. She'd made him hand over her keys when he picked her up, but he was determined to commandeer them the next time they got back in this car.

She had changed into jeans, lavender fitted hoodie and her black pea coat. Her beanie matched her hoodie, so did her gloves. Her fingernails were dark blue. Her long hair hung over her shoulders. Rowan had ditched the forehead gauze; the wound was small, not even suture-worthy. Her beanie covered the head wound; there wasn't much she could do about the light bruise on her cheek though.

"Aaron said that if he hadn't checked he'd swear the car wasn't moving," she said.

Reid snorted. "You should have kicked him out of the car."

Rowan shook her head. "Would you have let him get behind the wheel in that condition?" she asked.

He grimaced derisively. Reid couldn't have cared less what Aaron Abbot did. He honestly had never given much thought to drunk drivers until Rowan had nearly been killed by two of them. One of whom she now exchanged letters with on a regular basis. As for Aaron…

"Why do you have to give me a conscience, Row?" Reid complained.

Rowan laughed. The town was just beginning to bustle with activity at this hour. It was almost ten and likely some residents were heading to the small church for Sunday services. Rowan pulled up in the parking lot of the pharmacy, she and Reid hopped out. The bell on the door tinkled when they entered the warm shop.

Mr. White, the pharmacist, always had a smile for her. "Hello, Rowan."

"Hey, Mr. White." Rowan stopped at the counter, he was already filling up the orange bottles.

"Reid Garwin," Mr. White said. "How are you this morning?"

"It's early," Reid replied. "I haven't had coffee or breakfast."

Mr. White chuckled. "How are Ernie, Bubbe, and Bruce Lee?"

"They're great," Rowan replied. "Thanks."

Five minutes later they were exiting the shop. "Do you want to get something to eat first?" Rowan asked.

"You read my mind," Reid said with a grin.

They went to the local diner, within walking distance, had breakfast and coffee. Reid ordered flapjacks, eggs, sausage, and coffee while Rowan had the same sans sausage. It was fine with them eating in quiet and enjoying their food. Reid didn't think the eggs, sausage and flapjacks were as good as Rowan's but they did hit the spot.

Somewhere in the middle of the meal Reid noticed that Rowan was fidgety and avoiding his eye, pretty much looking anywhere but at him for the past ten minutes while drumming her fingers on the table.

"Your food's going to get cold," he said.

Rowan's eyes bypassed his to her plate. She took a studious bite of her flapjacks. Chewed, swallowed, put her fork down. Cleared her throat.

"I have to ask you something…" she started out hesitantly, "…but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to have this conversation while we're eating because I've never had it before. And it might seem trivial compared to everything else that's going on but…" Now she was babbling, but at least Reid wasn't smirking, he just took a sip of his third cup of coffee.

Reid tipped his head to the side, leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, confused. Rowan glanced behind her to make sure no one was listening even though they were in a corner booth away from the five other patrons in the diner.

"I'm not fishing for compliments or anything; I just need a yes or no, okay? But, see, I think I might have pressured you into it, maybe…" Her brow furrowed and she stared out the window in deep concentration.

"Pressured me? I'm really lost, Rowan," he said.

She worried her bottom lip until it stung. "Last night," she said. She made a 'you know' gesture with her head and shoulders. "I know it might not have been a big deal for you because you've done it before, but…"

It took him a minute, but it clicked, and he felt really stupid for not getting it instantly. A smile broke out on his lips and Rowan's face turned a deeper crimson of embarrassment. He loved this, not at her expense, but her uncertainty was too endearing, cute.

"You think you pressured me into it?" he repeated, still grinning.

"I really need you not to laugh right now," she said.

"I'm not laughing," he said. But he was cheesing like Swiss and he couldn't help it. "You definitely didn't pressure me, Rowan. I promise." He leaned forward on the table. "And it definitely wasn't bad." In fact, something had happened that was foreign to him; he'd known it was physiologically possible; it had just eluded him until last night – twice, one after the other.

Rowan didn't make any expression of relief; she was looking at him like she didn't fully believe him.

"And…since we're on the subject I guess…" It was Reid's turn to be tentative, and he tried to be casual about it even though he would be green with jealousy if her answer turned out to be 'yes'. "Have you done that before?"

Her eyes widened then contracted. Her mouth opened a little, shut, her jaw clenched, relaxed. She tugged on her ear, an unconsciously nervous habit when she was put on the spot. Rowan shook her head.

All was right with his world. (Sort of.) He grinned, very self-satisfied.

"Would you have been mad if I did?" she asked.

He hesitated. "No."

She smirked. "Liar."

"Fine. Not mad…just jealous."

"Really? Even of Hunter?"

"You guys were together for almost three years."

"We were still young. I would have had sex between eleven and thirteen."

"But you haven't. Had sex."

Pause. "Are you asking me if I had sex with Abel?"

There's that name again, he thought. Would he always be jealous of his ghost? That was a loose end whether he liked it or not.

"I won't lie," she said. "We didn't. But we were extremely close to it."

"How close?" He was glaring off to the side; his attempt at being nonchalant was pitiful.

"If it weren't for lack of a condom we would have made love that night," she said.

_Made love_. That was a term Reid had never used before. He nodded, secretly glad that there hadn't been a condom. He paid for their breakfasts and they left the diner. Halfway to the car, he remembered something. He stopped.

"It was a big deal for me, Rowan," he told her. "It was the first time it meant something." All the other girls he'd been with, he hadn't really liked them, never came close to loving them.

She understood instantly. _That _gave her relief. And she kissed him right there in the parking lot, uncaring of the passersby.

"How about I drive now?" Reid suggested casually as they approached her car.

Rowan pursed her lips. "I'm beginning to think you have an issue with my driving, Reid."

"Nooo…" he denied. "Not an issue." He couldn't exactly bag on her driving because it wasn't just some irrational neurosis from a neurotic chick; she had a damned good reason for being anxious behind the wheel.

It was cold and Rowan didn't want to quibble. It didn't make her angry that Reid disliked her driving, especially since he made a conscious effort not to be a side-seat driver. So, Rowan handed him the keys. He didn't speed with her in the car, but he did driver a hell of a lot closer to the speed limit than she did.

It was a scenic route to the Colony house no matter which road you took because there was only one. On either side of the long road were acres and acres of forestry. It looked especially pretty during spring after all the snow had melted. The jeep bumped as they went over the stone bridge, then went back to smooth riding. Rowan's ancestor's old house was in the heart of Ipswich along with the old Putnam barn. They were relics; the barn wouldn't last another century, but the house could be preserved with some redecorating and structural changes.

The house loomed in the distance; it always appeared gloomier than it actually was. Reid stopped the car and they got out, bypassed the old wooden gates and walked to the front door. Rowan saw Gorman peer out of window on the second floor. The door squeaked open and shut with a clang. The first floor was drafty, and dark, the curtains kept out the light. Reid went with Rowan upstairs, stairs creaking beneath their weight like an old widow's bones.

The uppermost room where William Danvers III stayed was the warmest. The fire crackled in the large hearth, and a few dim lamps were lit. Reid couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Caleb and Rowan's dad. He didn't have any reason to come here unless he absolutely had to. The blond could see a gnarled hand upon the armrest of the large chair. If it weren't for the _whoosh_ and _hiss_ of the oxygen tank, he'd have thought the person in the chair was dead.

"Hi, Gorman," Rowan said. She set the white bag with her dad's medication on a table.

Gorman's grumpy face crinkled in a warm smile. "Hello, Rowan." The old man was surprised to see Reid. But it was his understanding that the two were "dating" as the young people called it these days. "Reid. How are you?"

"Good. How are you, old man?" he asked.

The old man's face was disapproving, but familiarly tolerant of Reid's banter. "My heart's still beating," he deadpanned.

"So, no complaints then?" Reid rejoined, grinning.

Rowan had gone to her dad. "Hi, Dad," she said softly, bending down to give him a light kiss on the forehead.

Reid saw those decrepit fingers do a death rattle. He instantly felt bad for thinking of Rowan's dad this way. He didn't know how she could stand to come here every week and see him like that, barely alive, kept breathing by modern technology. Not even Caleb came here as often as she did. Rowan had once said that it was probably harder for him because he knew he would Ascend one day and have to fight the addiction to the Power, and seeing their dad was a vicious reminder of what could be…a reflection of your deepest fear left unspoken.

Rowan took the empty chair next to her father. She was talking to him quietly now, a tender expression on her face.

"I'll be downstairs," Reid told Gorman who gave him a funny look, his bushy eyebrows twitching like caterpillars.

In the basement held the Covenant's secrets. Ancient texts lined the bookshelves, including the Book of Damnation. As Reid descended the curved stone steps he lit the thick white candles, then the circular hearth centered among five vacant seats. It was the only light provided to him.

"Should invest in some electricity down here," he mumbled. Reid shivered. "Heating, too." He had on a sweater and jacket plus his beanie, and fingerless gloves, but all the stone surfaces didn't do a hell of a lot to keep in warmth. _Whatever._

He decided to go for the Book of Damnation first. He took the heavy tome from its place on the shelf and sat down in front of the fire where he began to warm up. His eyes flashed and the large book settled on thin air in front of him, the pages turning as he willed it. Reid scanned the family lines. There were so few women born to the Covenant lines. Rowan was outliving the few females that had been born. These names inked on the parchment were his ancestors, the same Sons who had warred against the Keepers – some who had tried to help them, some that tried to condemn them for what the Sons' forebears did.

Rowan had told him about how the five Sons killed their Keeper, Lucius. How stupid and gullible did they have to be to believe one power-addicted person?

Augustus Putnam, Reuben Danvers, Malachai Garwin, Phelix Parry, Benedict Simms.

Five men who had double-damned them. Because they believed Augustus Putnam when he said that Lucius was going to bind all of their Powers. At least Reid now knew why they aged. It hadn't always been so. Upon his death Lucius had cursed them for their blindness to their addiction. It had only affected their minds, but now it would affect their bodies.

Centuries went by and a female Keeper cropped up. She had procreated with a Danvers begetting a female child. The mother died, and the baby was kidnapped, probably by another Keeper or someone related. Danvers took another woman and had a son with her.

And the girl Reid loved was caught in the middle of it. Assassins, Darklighters, whatever, were out to get Rowan from becoming the Keeper, a Whitelighter. Rowan was part of a prophecy. Because of the chaos a light would be born to mend the severed bond between Keepers and the Sons. Someone with a pure heart who did not covet power.

Keepers were supposed to be the light to the Covenant's darkness, the yin to their yang, the Right-Hand to their Left.

Funny, Rowan didn't need to become anything to be those things to Reid. She already was his other half.

Reid sighed. At least she'd had Hunter at her side all this time. He didn't want to think about what would happen if one of those bastards got her.

He continued to look through the books, there wasn't a lot of information on Keepers, just smatterings of mentions that had pretty much become nonexistent about three-hundred years ago. Talk about hiding history, Reid thought. He wondered if Keepers had their own set of texts like the Covenant. The Book of Damnation had a sister, the Book of Deliverance. That was all he knew.

Reid rubbed his eyes, sore from having stared at tiny words for too long in dim lighting. He looked at his watch; an hour and a half had gone by. He re-shelved the book he had, put out the fires and went upstairs.

----

When Rowan opened her locker Monday morning there was an envelope waiting for her with her name scribbled in Reid's scratchy writing. She smiled, opened it, and laughed. The front of the card was a picture of a pair of red lips on a heart-shaped lock with a caption that read: _Love being lip-locked with you. Happy Un-Valentine's Day._ Reid had obviously used his powers to change the original color of the card (pink and red predominately) to different shades of blue, except for the lips, and the "un" before Valentine's Day.

Her brothers and friends knew her issues with this holiday. When she learned the history of V-Day back in fifth grade she became less than enthused about the holiday. She had always thought it better to show the love you had for people everyday as opposed to putting emphasis on it one day per year.

It was twenty minutes before the first bell rang so she knew Reid still had to be in his dorm room, very likely asleep. When she got there she was proven correct. Tyler was gone, punctual as always. Reid was on his stomach, one arm crooked next to him, the other haphazardly bent and thrown over the back of his head. He was sleeping in only sweat pants.

Rowan sat on the bed and ran her fingers through his hair. He stirred after a minute, so she bent down, kissed his cheek and the side of his neck.

"Wake up so I can give you a real kiss," she said.

That registered through his haze of sleep. "Keep doin' that Row," he mumbled. "Yeah, that feels good."

Rowan was close to laughing. Obviously he thought this was a dream. "What else do you want me to do?" she whispered in his ear.

Reid smirked, eyes still closed. "I wanna do something to you."

Uh-oh, she thought. "Reid, wake up," she said. She shook him.

He murmured, confused. "Eh? What?" His eyelids flickered.

"Wake up," she repeated.

Reid finally did, sort of. Blue eyes appeared and it took a moment for him to focus on her.

"Hey, sleepy head."

"Row? What…" Reid rose up on his forearms, rubbed his eyes. "How long you been here?"

"Not long," she said, suppressing her grin.

He glared at her. "You heard me?"

She shrugged.

Reid grinned, shrugged. "It was a damned good dream. Reality's better though."

"That's sweet. Thank you for the card. I loved it."

"That wasn't it. I have something else. You just have to wait."

"Ah, damn," Rowan said.

"Did I hear something about a kiss earlier?"

Rowan kissed him. Possible morning breath be damned. Then there was five minutes until the first bell rang.

"You have to get ready," she told him.

He groaned. "No."

"Yup. We have a quiz today."

He sighed, and got so slowly out of bed it would make an arthritic geriatric impatient. His sweats rode low on his hips, and his upper body was toned. Reid was just a couple inches short of six feet, but he was lean, and had the body of the swimmer that he was.

"You checkin' me out?" he asked as he got to the bathroom.

"Yes."

Reid chuckled.

He got ready in five minutes and they were only a few minutes late to class.

And that night he took her out to dinner – school night be damned – and presented her with an antique Hanging Garden necklace. Reid had remembered Rowan telling him about the gardens in New Orleans that dripped with Spanish Moss. The necklace itself was inspired by that. It was fashioned from hand-carved silver leaves and hand-wrought vines entwining a glowing abalone cabochon and mauve freshwater pearl.

Rowan loved it.

* * *

**I noticed that quite a few people have either favorited or alerted this story, but I have no idea if it's actually being read despite that. So hurl a review at me if you've got a moment, I'd like to know what you guys think of it.**

**I put a picture of Rowan's necklace on my profile, fyi. :)  
**


	12. Death is Not the End

**XII. Death is Not the End **

_Oh, the tree of life is growing  
where the spirit never dies  
And the bright light of salvation shines__  
In dark and empty skies__  
When the storm clouds gather 'round you,__  
and heavy rains descend__  
Just remember that death is not the end  
-Bob Dylan_

She hadn't been prepared for the shock of seeing her Nana this way. Near emaciated, her usually beautiful chocolate skin sallow and gray. Cancer. The word reverberated in her mind painfully. Cancer. Rowan knew cancer all too well. She had arrived in New Orleans for spring break just four hours ago. Michael, Gabriel's twin, had picked her up from the airport, oddly subdued. Nana had been waiting in the living room with a smile on her face for her god-daughter. Rowan had stopped in her tracks, seeing the truth unspoken even in the dim lighting.

The last time she had come during Christmas, Nana had not looked like this. But apparently she had had cancer for almost a year; it just had not metastasized until the past couple of months. Why hadn't Nana told her sooner? Prepared her for this? It was past midnight now, and Rowan sat in the kitchen of the large plantation house that was centered in the middle of the bayou. She had a mug of tea in front of her which was losing its warmth.

_Nana, Nana, I can't lose you_, she thought woefully.

"Ah, _ma chérie_," Roz said softly as she came into the kitchen. Roz Grayraven was a beautiful woman, regal, statuesque. Her hair was in micro-braids tucked behind her ears. She wore brightly colored pajamas and robe. She made herself a cup of tea and sat across from Rowan. "You should be sleeping."

Rowan shook her head. "I can't. Why didn't she tell me, Roz?"

She sighed sympathetically. "She knew she still had time and there was no point in worrying you too soon." Roz was going through her own grief. Eve Delacroix was her grandmother even though she referred to her as her mother.

Rowan sniffed. "I'm sorry Roz; I didn't even ask you how you felt."

The older woman smiled softly. "It is always hard to lose someone you love. But _ma mère_ is being brave, so must I."

"I just thought she would live forever," Rowan said quietly, a rueful smile on her lips.

She remembered the first time she had met Nana. It was after her last chemo treatment and the doctor had said she was well enough to travel. So Gorman had accompanied her to New Orleans. Nana had been waiting on the large front porch, swathed in colorful garb. Even though she was blind she was staring right at Rowan like she could see her clearly.

"Do you know who I am?" Nana had asked her gently.

Rowan had blushed and said, "My Nana."

And Nana had smiled brightly, held out her arms and Rowan went into them as if she'd known the old lady all her life. Rowan would then visit her often, and Nana would tell her about her own powers, about being a Mamba, a priestess of the voodoo. And when Rowan's own powers began to manifest, Nana showed her how to harness them and use them wisely. Nana was her home away from home. And until now, Rowan had never considered her age. She wasn't even certain how old Nana really was. At least in her nineties, she supposed. Even now it was irrelevant; all that mattered was that Nana was dying.

"_Oui._ She is just one of those forces of nature that resonates throughout life." She took a sip of her tea. "Much like you."

Rowan's eyes switched from her cup to Roz in astonishment. "No," she chuckled self-consciously. "I'm just…me."

Roz's lips curved subtly. Rowan would grow into herself, she was young yet.

"Why don't you go up to bed, Rowan?" Roz suggested. "Sleep."

Rowan didn't think she'd be able to but she followed Roz's suggestion. Ten minutes later she was snug under the covers, doubts proved correct, she couldn't sleep. She thought of the many times Nana had tucked her in when she was younger, more consistent than even Rowan's own mother in saying goodnight. Damn, she wished she had brought Ernie, Bubbe, and Bruce Lee along; maybe the night wouldn't seem so empty.

Rowan thought about calling Reid, likely he was still up. She wasn't able to bring herself to tell him about Nana, she would just start crying and Reid would worry, and Rowan didn't want to ruin his spring break. He probably deserved a reprieve from the burdens carried around with her. Rowan thought she could use a reprieve, too. You can't escape yourself though.

----

Rowan would be back the day after tomorrow, Reid reminded himself. Good thing, he was restless. He talked to her on the phone everyday, a few of those times she had sounded a bit down, but she just told him she was tired. Jet lag. Reid couldn't believe it had been four months they were together. It was the longest relationship, the only relationship, he had ever been in and he didn't want to get out of it.

"You're up, Garwin, shit," Aaron griped.

Reid broke out of his stupor and sneered right back at Aaron.

"What'd I tell you man?" Brody said. "Pussy whipped."

"Can't function without your girlfriend?" Aaron prodded snidely.

Tyler rolled his eyes, hoping Reid wouldn't take the bait. No such luck.

"I can function just fine, Abbot," Reid spat. To prove it he made one of his infamous combo shots. A _beat that_ expression lit on the blond's face.

"Ah, hell," Pogue said as he saw Reid's and Aaron's faces. "I hope they don't get into tonight."

Caleb nodded.

"They're guys," Kate said, taking a sip of Pogue's soda. She was staying with Pogue for spring break instead of going back to Manhattan. They had his apartment all to themselves as Hunter was visiting with his relatives.

"You don't see me and Caleb getting into fights," Pogue pointed out.

Kate rolled her eyes. "That's because you two are so…"

"So…" Caleb urged.

"Composed," Kate finished. "Secretive."

The two friends eyed each other. They had more secrets from everyone than Pogue's girlfriend knew. But it wasn't something to be helped.

"Nah," Pogue said with a casual shake of his head.

"Really? Are you telling me that you're not hiding anything from me?" Kate asked.

Caleb gave Pogue a look that said he had walked right into that one.

When Pogue didn't answer, Kate laughed. "That's what I thought."

While they chatted Caleb kept a clandestine eye on Reid. It was the first time he and Rowan were apart for more than a day, and Caleb wasn't sure that Reid would revert back to his flirting with anyone in a skirt. It probably wasn't fair of him to have so little faith in Reid's ability to be solid, and normally he wouldn't care, but this was Caleb's sister, and he had meant it when he said that Reid would regret it if he ever hurt her. It bothered Caleb that girls still tried to hit on Reid with every intention of following up on whatever they were offering him. The consensus around school was that Reid and Rowan wouldn't last the summer break which was coming about in two months or so.

And the closer summer came, the closer Caleb got to Ascending. September. His eighteenth birthday. He tried not to think about it and all its implications. Even his mother was stressing even more about it, worrying, lecturing him. Half-convinced that her only son would turn out like his father. And Caleb was determined not to.

"Hey, are you okay, Caleb?" Kate asked.

"Hmm?"

"You were spacing out," Pogue said.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He checked his watch. It was still early, but… "I'm going to head out," he said, getting up and putting on his jacket.

"You sure?" his friend asked. "It's not even ten."

Caleb shrugged. "I should check on the animals. You know how they get when Rowan's away."

To anyone else that might have sounded weird, but Pogue totally understood. It was rare when Rowan's pets didn't go with her to New Orleans, and if they didn't, she often left behind more than a page in instructions and warnings for the animals.

"All right, man," Pogue said. They did the man hand-shake thing and Caleb left.

"Leaving already?" Tyler asked as Caleb passed.

He nodded.

"Okay, dude." Tyler did the hand-shake thing with Caleb, too, then Reid.

Reid didn't miss the warning glance in Caleb's eyes. The blond knew he still didn't have Caleb's complete trust. Something Reid accepted with some asperity but Caleb the golden boy would be proven wrong, Reid thought.

----

Rowan was going to be late for her flight back to Ipswich. She didn't want to leave Nana, not knowing if this was the last time she would ever see her. They sat on the veranda together, the elder woman's hands holding the younger. Rowan was fighting tears, and she couldn't remember the time she had cried saying goodbye. The last goodbye that had been so painful was almost a year ago, when Abel left Ipswich.

"You'll be okay, right, Nana?" Rowan asked softly.

Eve Delacroix smiled softly. "Oh, _ma cherie_," she crooned.

"I'm not asking you to tell the future." Rowan sniffed. "But I don't want to leave if…" Her voice cracked and she couldn't finish that sentence. It was unfathomable how such a common disease could kill her Nana.

"You cannot put your life on hold," Nana told her.

Rowan worried her bottom lip. "I'll be lost without you though."

Nana's wrinkled and leathery fingers wiped her goddaughter's tears away. "Everyone gets lost at times, my love. And if you do. You will find your way back."

Rowan was still disbelieving. "How?"

"We all find our way back in our own ways. But how we get there is the most important part."

Nana had been imparting wisdom like this to Rowan since she was tiny. It always made her feel centered, yet thoughtful. But the thoughts in her mind were not ones she wanted.

"I love you, Nana," Rowan said.

"I always love you, my Rowan," Eve Delacroix replied, her eyes filmed with a veil of unshed tears. _You have a long road ahead of you, my dear. Have faith._

Rowan got home late Sunday afternoon. Her mother was nowhere in sight when Caleb and Rowan got home. Ernie, Bruce Lee, and Bubbe greeted her like it had been a month instead of a week since they last saw her. They followed her upstairs, their gait easier than Rowan's. Saying goodbye to Nana had been tough, she hadn't cried leaving Nana in years. Rowan could now see the watery gray of sickness in Nana's aura and she wanted like anything to make it go away.

"Rowan?"

Evelyn appeared in the doorway of her bedroom just as she was unpacking.

"Hi, Mom," she said.

Evelyn walked in and gave her daughter a hug and kiss. "How was your trip?"

_Nana's dying_, Rowan thought. "Okay." To her surprise, her mom took her hand, indicating she should sit on the bed next to her.

"Roz called earlier today and told me about Nana."

Rowan's eyes flickered and she looked away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Evelyn asked her, tucking her daughter's hair behind her ear.

Caleb was standing in the doorway now, knowing his mother was going to approach Rowan about Nana. He had been disheartened to hear it, too. For Nana, Roz, Michael and Gabriel; for his sister who would be stricken when Eve Delacroix did pass away.

"I'm fine," Rowan said.

"You don't have to do that, baby," Evelyn crooned.

"Do what?" Rowan asked dumbly. "I'm fine, really." She stood up, threw the last of her clothes in the hamper, put her suitcase back in her closet. "Nana's strong. She'll be okay." Rowan nodded jerkily, her back turned so they couldn't see the tears gathering in her eyes.

Evelyn turned to look at Caleb who shared the same expressions of worry and astonishment. It wasn't like Rowan to put up a screen of denial like this, especially about something so evident and inevitable.

"They didn't have dinner, did they?" Rowan asked Caleb. He shook his head. "Come on, guys." She shuffled the three animals out and downstairs.

Evelyn sighed heavily once her daughter was out of earshot. "This is awful."

Caleb did not have to say anything for his mother to know he felt the same way.

"She doesn't need this," his mother went on. "Every time things calm down for her more heartache arises."

Although Caleb concurred he knew Rowan wouldn't see it that way. His mother then straightened up and set her shoulders.

"I'll go see what Rowan wants for dinner," she said.

When Evelyn was aiming to do something, she would do it. Caleb knew she hadn't had any alcohol in two weeks, but in the back of his mind he wondered how long until this interval of sobriety would end. The three of them had dinner together while Rowan told them about her vacation; the way she narrated one would think her godmother wasn't dying from cancer. Neither brother nor mother called her on it.

Later that night, in his room, Caleb was checking his e-mail when Pogue called.

"I'm sending you something, you need to see this," Pogue said.

Pogue's cell phone address popped up in Caleb's IN box. It didn't take long for the picture attachment to come up. Caleb was silent for so long Pogue thought he was having technical difficulties.

"You see it?"

"Where did you get this?"

"Kate got it from someone," Pogue replied. "It must have been after we left Nicky's the other night." It wasn't something Pogue could hide from Caleb, he knew his best friend would have seen it sooner or later, and better it come from him.

"You didn't see this happen then?"

"Nah. It could be…"

"Deceiving," Hunter provided from the background.

Caleb scoffed derisively. "Yeah, sure. Does he know about this?"

"I don't know. Kate only sent it to me twenty minutes ago."

"Cay?" Rowan knocked on the door.

"Damn," Caleb muttered under his breath.

"Are you going to show this to her?" Pogue asked.

"No!"

Rowan opened the door a smidge so she could poke her head in. Her brother was just getting off of the phone. Seeing the strained expression on his face, she asked, "Something wrong?"

"No," he said. He shut his laptop, too.

"Oh. You saw it."

"Saw what?"

"Reid kissing Amanda Harris at Nicky's."

Caleb tried to assess whether she was upset or not. His sister just looked tired, harassed. He sighed. "Who sent it to you?"

"Pinkie. He and Diz thought I should know." She shrugged. "Better than hearing it from some brat at school."

Caleb was still mad, but found himself repeating what Pogue and Hunter had said. "It might not mean anything."

Rowan blinked lethargically. "Whatever. I'm going to bed, if anyone asks." She gave him a half-hearted smile goodnight and went to her bedroom. The room was already dark.

She got under the covers, let the animals situate themselves before getting comfortable herself. All she heard was their sibilant breathing and the wind outside. The picture bothered her more than she wanted to admit to herself. It probably didn't mean anything, one picture captured less than a second of an entire event. But she remembered Reid constantly hitting on Amanda Harris last year who wouldn't bite because he was "too young." She had a pain in the pit of her stomach and a thudding behind her eyes. Sharp stabs came with every heartbeat. A pinprick of discomfort in the core of her belly made it even more difficult to drift off. She had been feeling it since she left New Orleans.

Rowan didn't know if Reid was trying to call her now as she'd turned off her cell phone. She didn't want to assure anyone that it was all "okay" because she was tired of lying. She didn't want to hear any apologies. No words could make anything right when everything was wrong.

----

Reid tried Rowan for the eighth time and got her voicemail.

"Maybe she's asleep," Tyler suggested. He was lying on his bed reading a school book.

"It's only eleven. She answers her phone," Reid said.

"Then maybe it's off."

But Reid was barely listening. All he wanted was to talk to Rowan because he knew she must have seen or heard about that damned picture by now. Stupid. Amanda Harris had caught him by surprise. The busty skank had been batting her eyelashes at him all night but he was too busy playing pool and arguing with Aaron. After he'd taken a shot, he turned around and there she was, in his face, lips on his before he could register her presence. It took less than a second before he pushed her away and wiped his mouth, disgusted. Truly. Of course, he hadn't known that someone was recording it on their phone and had used that one brief second to cut and crop from the entire thing and send it around Spensers like an STD.

Reid sighed heavily. Maybe he should have just told her about the thing with Amanda the next morning after it had happened. But he didn't know how to put it lightly without making it sound like a big deal, because it wasn't.

Absently, he dialed Caleb's number. Masochist.

"Yeah?" he answered.

Reid hesitated. "Rowan's not answering her phone."

Tyler gave up the pretense of reading his book. Dizzy had told him about the picture. What was it with vindictive girls who spread poison like this? You wouldn't catch a guy recording something on his phone and sending it around school. He was pissed on Rowan's behalf. He had seen the whole thing; Reid had pushed Amanda away damned near instantly, which he had promised Dizzy that that was what happened when his girlfriend had called him up, beyond upset.

"She's sleeping," Caleb said.

Reid could tell by his tone that he knew about the picture and wasn't happy. "It didn't happen like it looks," Reid said defensively.

"I don't care how it looks, Reid."

Reid couldn't bring himself to ask Caleb to get Rowan. He didn't want to use her brother, his friend, as a go-between.

"It happened in less than a second," Reid went on. "It didn't go any further." The blond could practically hear Caleb rolling his eyes over the phone.

"Why are you explaining this to me?" Caleb asked.

"Because Rowan's not picking up her phone!" he yelled.

Caleb, hearing the obvious string of near-panic in Reid's voice, took pity on him. "She really is sleeping Reid," he said evenly.

"She saw it?" Reid inquired dejectedly.

"Yeah."

"How mad was she? Just tell me that."

"Reid, Nana has cancer, I don't think Row's registering this."

Reid was dead silent. No pun intended. Tyler saw the slack expression on his face and knew something was wrong.

"What?"

"Cancer?" Reid repeated. "But…when?"

"For a while now apparently."

"She didn't tell me." Was that why she had sounded sad on the phone the past week? Rowan had told him she was tired, a half-truth. He hung up with Caleb a minute later and stared blankly at the floor.

"What happened?" Tyler asked again.

"Nana has cancer."

"Shit," Tyler said after a long pause.

Reid nodded stupidly, ran his fingers through his already frazzled hair. Cancer. He hated that word. He'd been acquainted with it too early in his life. The two roommates went lights out not long after.

Before Reid fell asleep he sent a text message to Rowan: I love you.

----

Reid was waiting for her in the parking lot the next morning. Caleb chose not to say anything, he couldn't delude himself into thinking that Reid had screwed up. Tyler had seen it, and he knew Tyler wouldn't lie about what had happened.

It was cold and foggy this morning. Reid approached Rowan slowly. She had her hands stuffed in the pockets of her coat, her long hair hung in her face like a veil of mourning.

The pinprick in her stomach and grown into jab. She ignored it. "Can we not talk about it?" Rowan said. "I don't want to hear about it either."

There went his apology. Was she angry with him?

"I'm sorry about Nana," Reid said.

Rowan winced, nodded, looked away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

She shrugged one-shouldered. "I didn't want to disrupt your spring vacation." Her voice was bland with an edge of bitterness. But at what? He couldn't read her today.

The warning bell rang. He fell in step with her tread, questions racing through his mind. Something was unsolved, and he wanted to clear it up. They were stared at walking down the hallways to class, gossip began anew. Was this the end of their relationship? The students were probably wondering. It didn't help that Rowan looked folded into herself, apart from Reid. Away from everybody.

They took their separate seats in English. Rowan was next to Hunter and Pinkie. Reid's attention kept diverting back to Rowan, not hearing what the teacher was saying. Aaron sat in the row behind Rowan and caught Reid glancing in that direction. Reid's blood boiled when Aaron smirked superiorly at him.

"Mr. Garwin?" Mr. Patterson intoned.

His blue eyes shifted back towards the teacher. Back towards class.

"How's she doing?" Tyler asked quietly.

Reid shrugged.

English went by agonizingly slow. Rowan was in the library next, Reid had swim practice. It was the one period he usually wasn't late for; because Coach made you do extra laps then pool clean up if you were late. But the silence needed to end.

"I need to talk to you," Reid said.

There was an empty classroom next to the library, he bustled her in there, turned on the light.

The jab had ebbed back into the needle-like stab, but it was no less distracting. "What's this about?" she asked. "If it's about Nicky's I don't…"

"That picture…I…"

"I don't care, all right?" she snapped. "I don't care about the stupid picture, or whatever you were or weren't doing."

_Okay…_ "And Nana?"

Rowan clenched her jaw, absently pressed her fingers into her aching belly. It was rising to the apex of her ribs. "I said she would be okay. What are you guys so worried about?"

A flash of confusion sparked on his face. "So…what…I thought she was dying."

"She is not!" Rowan denied.

He was taken aback by her vehemence. Caleb was right; Rowan was not processing this at all. The warning bell rang.

"You should go. You're going to be late," Rowan said abruptly.

But he couldn't leave it like this. He grabbed her elbow to stop her. She stiffened but didn't fight him. Her large, sad eyes were questioning, weary, impatient.

"Let's skip."

"Why?"

"I haven't seen you in a week," he said casually.

The beginning of a smile twitched on her lips. Reid grinned. Rowan relented and they went to Spensers' pond. It was a pretty place, even though it reminded Rowan that Toby's body was somewhere at the murky bottom. Toby was on the other side of the lake, looking at the water too. He waved. Rowan waved back.

The sun had broken through the clouds a little but a chill still hung in the air. They sat down on a bench thigh to thigh.

With the fresh cool air and partially free of Spensers' cloying atmosphere, Rowan's mind began to clear.

"Sorry I snapped at you," she said.

He half-grinned. "Don't worry about it." He put his arm around her.

Rowan looked down at her hands, said quietly, "I know Nana's dying." Her eyes met his plaintively. "She's not supposed to die, Reid."

He didn't know what to say. "It'll be okay." It was woefully lacking in comfort.

Rowan knew there really wasn't anything to be said about it. It was a few minutes later she broke the silence. "I really don't care about the picture, Reid."

"You don't?" he asked, a bit unsure.

She shook her head. "Dizzy told me what Tyler said about it, so…"

"I swear that's how it happened, Row," he insisted.

"I believe you." Rowan kissed him, deeply. The kiss suffused her with warmth and a respite of contentment. They stayed out there the entire period, the school day ended on good terms.

Reid had work after school and Rowan was going to the humane society.

"I'll call you when I get off, okay?" he told her.

"Okay."

They were still on campus. He kissed her goodbye.

"I love you."

"Love you, too." Continuing to dismiss the poke in her belly.

----

Rowan went home to change and feed the animals. She was still sad but feeling better after she and Reid had cleared the air between the two of them. It was obvious by some of the students' faces at Spensers that they had fully expected Rowan and Reid to be caput by the end of the school day. She was lucky to have someone like Reid to put up with her mood swings. It was only inevitable that he would have to deal with her demons, too, because she couldn't leave them behind. She breathed a sigh of relief that he loved her like he did.

She went into the apothecary to feed Mo and Bo, her two tropical fish.

"Hey guys," she said. She didn't tap on the glass. Fish hated that.

But they seemed to enjoy their new Silverfish Aquarium although Bubbe found it harder to peg them. But if Mo and Bo came up to the front they could still have their staring contests.

She said bye to her mom who was adequately sober to return the farewell. The three animals went and sat with Evelyn in the library.

As always, Rowan was slow to start her vehicle. It always took some mental pep-talk to calm her system. Driving while overly nervous wasn't a good thing. Neuroticism on the road did not make for safe driving. She was less stressed when it was just her in the car because she didn't have to worry for anyone else's safety.

She backed out of the driveway, headed for the main road. Ten minutes out and a few miles from home, the discomfort in her stomach surprised her with a breath-taking stab; it was like a knife going through her. Her eyes clenched in pain, the car swerved. Luckily no one else was on the road. She was still in the rural part of the road that led to town.

She hurriedly pulled over to the side of the road to catch her breath. Just as she did it came again, this time with even more force. Rowan felt nausea coming on so she got out of the car fast, stumbling onto the grass, falling to her knees. She wretched and dry-heaved, clutching her stomach.

She suppressed a groan of agony. Rowan would suspect it was her appendix but it wasn't in the right place so that was a no go. She couldn't ignore it anymore. Her cell phone was in her bag and she didn't know if she could reach it in the condition she was in.

"_It is time…"_

Rowan saw black spots in front of her. She hadn't imagined that voice. Had she?

"…_time…"_ Rowan heard again.

_Please let that be in my head,_ she prayed fervently.

It was different from the sibilant hissing whisper of the _"Keeper"_ she normally heard. No, this voice was soothing, patient, with a force of wisdom to the deep words.

"_Let go, child…"_

"No," she said through clenched teeth. Rowan was hunched over in abject torment; each spasm strained her muscles, the invisible knife twisted. Her head felt like it was about to implode.

"_Let go, child…"_

Rowan felt herself losing conscious though she fought it. Although the voice was not evil, she felt that inherently, Rowan did not want to go wherever it was beckoning her. She lost her balance, tipped over on her side, curled into a ball. Consciousness was abandoning her, forsaking her to whatever, whoever, summoned her now.

As she yielded to the darkness, her Nana's face appeared before her, Rowan could feel her leathery, soft hands caress her face, and the voice that could always calm her with the merest hum, said to her: _"Be strong, my Rowan. Be strong."_

----

_She hurtled through time and space. Rowan felt like Alice when she dropped down the rabbit hole, dropping down, passing odd things that did not make sense and defied gravity, the laws of physics had no meaning here. This wasn't like she remembered when she was dying and had been suppressed under the weighted water of the sea. This was different. She felt very much alive, just extremely disoriented._

_Rowan closed her eyes…_

----

_Rowan awoke to a deep humming. Had to be a man. She heard something bubbling, smelled an amalgamation of herbs and spices. Her mind assessed where she was. Whatever she was laying on wasn't the most comfortable, but it wasn't the ground. Her body felt boneless, insubstantial._

"_Ah, you are awake!" the deep voice exclaimed. "No, do not try to get up. That will take some time yet. You have had quite a lengthy journey."_

_Journey? Then it came back to her. The pain, getting out of the car, the voice…it was the same voice she was hearing now. And Nana! She had been there too. Where was Nana? _

_Rowan fought to open her eyes. It was blurry._

"_Your vision will clear, too," the man said. _

_She swallowed to get some moisture in her dry mouth. The man put his hand under her head and Rowan felt liquid on her lips. She drank slowly, as bidden. _

_When she could speak, she inquired idiotically, "Am I dead?"_

_The man chuckled good-naturedly. "No, Rowan, you are not."_

"_How…how do you know my name?" she demanded, her voice raspy._

"_Ah, that will take some explaining. But you should rest."_

_Rowan licked her lips. "Who are you?"_

_The man was silent for a moment. "My name is Lucius."_

Oh shit… _Rowan thought, just as she passed out…again._

_

* * *

**Gracias for reading! Feedback is welcome. :)**  
_


	13. Witness

**XIII. Witness**

_And when we're done  
soul searching  
and we carried the weight  
and died for a cause  
Is misery made beautiful  
right before our eyes  
Will mercy be revealed__  
or blind us where we stand…  
-Sarah McLachlan_

Reid speed-dialed Rowan for the fifth time. He had gotten off of work at seven-thirty; she herself should have been home by now from the humane society. After the second try he waited a good twenty minutes, just in case she was still driving, but when he tried again he got her voicemail. Inanely he had wondered if she was mad at him, but no, they had departed on more than good terms, so that couldn't be the reason for not picking up. It was dark now, and Reid was beginning to worry. He didn't know why, Rowan could have just gotten hung up somewhere, traffic, or a detour. No, but if she was in traffic and the car was immobile she would have at least called to tell him just that. Something was wrong.

He decided to drive over to her place. Fifteen minutes later his headlights alighted on a car on the side of the road. He slowed down. It was Rowan's jeep! Reid pulled over and got out of the car with the engine still running. Her car door was open; her bag was on the passenger's seat. He reached over, retrieved her cell phone. Seven missed calls. Five of them were from him.

The only sound out here was the pounding of his heart and the rumble-purr of his Mustang's engine. Reid looked around into the dark woods. Could she be out there? How long has her car been here? Since before seven-thirty, he figured.

Rowan's cell phone rang, startling him. It was Caleb.

"Reid? Why are you answering Rowan's phone?"

"Because she's not here," Reid said.

"Well, where is she?" Caleb asked. "She should have been home by now."

Rowan didn't have a specific curfew but ever since the car accident and getting her license, her brother liked her to call him and tell him if she was going to be late or going somewhere else.

"Dude, her car's on the side of the road. The door was open."

"Where on the road?"

"Four miles from your house."

"Wait, I'm driving over there now."

They hung and Reid waited, impatient and worried. Where could she be? He checked the car for signs of a collision but there were none. Not fifteen minutes later Caleb had arrived, looking as bewildered as Reid.

"This is how you found it?" he asked while scouring the area.

"Yeah." They both stood there dumbly, lost. "Should we call the police?" _But what if this has something to do with those evil warlocks? What if one of them got a hold of her somehow? But Hunter would have been here, too, right? Was Hunter hurt?_ But he didn't say anything. Rowan hadn't wanted anyone else to know.

Caleb pulled out his cell and dialed the police.

----

An hour later, Reid, Caleb, Evelyn, Hunter, Pogue, Tyler and two of Ipswich's finest were congregated in the Danvers' sitting room.

Sheriff Reeves and his officer, Deputy Kirk, sat next to one another on a couch with notepads and pens. Before they could get started the rest of the families appeared en masse, causing the law enforcement to share glances of incredulity at the crowd.

"They're family," Evelyn told him as if she could read their minds. Despite the circumstances, she was holding her own.

Rosalind Simms, whom Evelyn had been closest to before William had "died" sat next to her on the couch and put a comforting arm around her shoulders. Caleb was sitting on Evelyn's other side.

Sheriff Reeves cleared his throat. "We examined your daughter's car, and our deputies are searching the surrounding areas. But so far we haven't found any signs of foul play."

Evelyn winced. Foul play. Where was her daughter, damn it!

"Ma'am," Deputy Kirk stepped in, "does your daughter have any enemies that you know of?"

Evelyn sucked in a sharp breath. "Absolutely not!"

Reid and Hunter exchanged discreet glances. At least not the enemies the police were thinking of.

Sheriff Reeves could tell that the mother was getting her dander up so he took over again. "Let's take a step back," he said soothingly. He had been in law enforcement for twenty years, but all these faces zoned in on him were enough to careen him off level. He was in the home of one of Ipswich's most famous and wealthy families, and the three others, Parry, Simms, and Garwin were present, too. "Now, what time did your daughter leave, Mrs. Danvers?"

_Thank God I was sober,_ Evelyn thought. "Around four."

"Where was she going?" he asked.

"The humane society."

"Does she go there everyday?"

Evelyn paused.

"She usually goes on Tuesdays and Thursdays when she doesn't have work," Caleb spoke.

"Why did she go today then?" the sheriff asked.

"A litter of puppies were brought in a week ago and are still there. Rowan wanted to see them," Caleb answered. He ran his hand down his face. He had a feeling they weren't going to find his sister in the woods.

The sheriff nodded. He wasn't unfamiliar with Rowan Danvers. She was an oddity, albeit a nice one, around town. Poor kid didn't seem to have the best of luck. Everyone knew her father had died some years back. Then there was that car accident. And the leukemia when she was barely out of diapers.

"Would Rowan have any reason to run away?" Reeves asked. "Problems at home?"

"What are you implying, Sheriff?" Evelyn inquired stonily.

"Ma'am, these are just routine questions, we have to ask them."

"She did not run away," Evelyn insisted. "Rowan wouldn't do that. Her car was found on the side of the road for God's sake!"

Rosalind squeezed and patted Evelyn's hands.

They heard the front door open and shut. Roz and Gabriel appeared in the opening of the room. Gabriel caught Hunter's jade eyes. The look was all Hunter needed to know that Rowan's disappearance was not anything the cops were going to solve. This had something to do with the Keeper. But if one of those warlocks had taken her, wouldn't he have felt it? If she was in danger, Hunter would have been there.

Twenty minutes later Sheriff Reeves and Deputy Kirk left the premises with reminders that they would probably need to talk to them again later.

Roz and Gabriel greeted everyone somberly.

Evelyn's eyes shut tightly, then opened; she squared her shoulders. "Rowan hasn't just disappeared, has she?"

The Families turned their attention to Roz.

"No, she has not," Roz said.

And she told them of the prophecy. Of the Keeper of the Covenant. Of Rowan.

----

"Are you saying that my little girl, my only daughter, is God knows where so she can fulfill some…_prophecy_?" Evelyn spat the word as if it were poison.

All but Hunter and Reid were struck silent. The three elder members of the Covenant, Wayne Parry, Joseph Garwin and Glenn Simms, were oddly unmoved, but no one cared to notice.

"Rowan?" Beatrice Parry uttered quietly.

"How long have you known this?" Evelyn asked, her voice taut with anger.

"Since her birth," Roz replied.

"And as her mother no one saw fit to tell me?" Evelyn questioned.

"Nothing was set in stone at the time," Gabriel said.

Evelyn's hard eyes landed on him, telling him to silence himself. She thought him too young to have any substantial opinion in the matter obviously.

"And you!" Evelyn whirled around in her seat to gaze at Hunter. "You've known this over a year and never said a word!" She thought of Hunter as a surrogate son, and until he revealed himself to be gay she had entertained dreams of him marrying her daughter.

To Hunter's credit his face was veiled with contrition, but not regret. His brothers, except for Reid, were also flickering accusing eyes on him.

"Hunter is her Shepherd by destiny," Gabriel voiced, standing up for him. "He has protected Rowan with his life on more than one occasion."

Evelyn lost some of her indignation towards Hunter for that. She couldn't be angry with him. He was so young.

"Did you know?" Caleb asked Reid, noticing his uncharacteristic silence.

"By accident," the blond replied. He shrugged one shoulder. "A couple of months ago."

"My sister can't…" Caleb began. This was a nightmare. He couldn't imagine his little sister doing what Roz was saying she was fated to do.

"Isn't there another?" Evelyn entreated.

"There are other Keepers," Roz said. "But not ones who are legitimate, not ones who have the qualities of what a Keeper is supposed to be."

"We all love Rowan," Rosalind Simms interjected. "And I don't think anyone here doubts that Rowan is pure of heart, but is she strong enough for the task?"

"She's always been fragile," Meredith spoke plainly.

"You underestimate her," Roz said.

But there was truth to what Meredith had voiced. Rowan was delicate, fragile to a certain degree. But always strong of heart and soul no matter the demons that tried to crush her. When she was born all the Families thought of her like a little miracle. A daughter had not been born into the Families in generations, let alone survived as long as Rowan. They had rallied around Evelyn and William when Rowan was stricken with leukemia, during the car accident, and now this.

Hearts were heavy in the room.

"Has Eve said anything?" Evelyn asked cautiously.

Both Roz and Gabriel did not answer for a moment. It did no one good to know too much of the future. Besides, Eve Delacroix had only envisioned Rowan's departure, not her return; although the old Mamba had no doubts within her heart that Rowan would succeed.

"Why does my daughter have to be responsible for the Covenant?" Evelyn asked no one in particular. "She is supposed to restore the relationship between Keeper and Covenant because past generations saw fit to war with one another?"

"I know it seems daunting," Roz soothed.

"Daunting is an understatement! That is too much to put on her shoulders."

"Wayne, don't you have anything to say?" Beatrice asked her husband.

The other two wives stirred and beseeched their husbands as well. As the elder members of the Covenant one would think they would be voicing their opinions louder than anyone.

"We can't change this," Wayne Parry said.

Joseph and Glenn nodded their heads in agreement.

Reid was surprised that his father had so few words. Joseph Garwin had always been the blunt, brutally honest one of the group, the first to point out the bad aspects before considering the good. Glenn was the voice of reason, the one to intercede and calm when things became frenzied. Wayne was always to the point, A to B, one to ten, spontaneous and gung-ho. And before William had succumbed to addiction, he had been the one to bring them together, the first to laugh, a realist but optimist.

"It's why we age, you know," Reid said. He was leaning against the wall, deceptively casual but his insides were chaotic. He had everyone's attention now. "Because Keepers and the Covenant couldn't get along."

"I thought it was because we're damned," Tyler said.

Reid scoffed dryly. "We are. But it wasn't always that way."

"How do you know this, son?" his father asked.

"Rowan told me." Reid glanced at Roz and Gabriel, their silence was supportive. "Old members of the Covenant burned their Keeper, Lucius, at the stake. Augustus Putnam was addicted, and Lucius was going to bind his Power. Putnam was going insane, but since we didn't age then, he couldn't see it. He convinced the others that Lucius was going to take away their Power."

"And they believed him?" Pogue said incredulously.

Reid nodded. "So Lucius cursed them. Said that from then on the Covenant would age if we abused our Power."

Joseph, Glenn, and Wayne already knew some of this, but Reid had filled some of the gaps. It certainly explained why William was old and haggard now. Why he had lost control. That piece of the puzzle answered so many questions.

"And Rowan is caught in the middle of this," Evelyn said quietly.

"Is there anything else?" Caleb asked Roz and Gabriel. His voiced sounded older than his years. "Do you know where my sister is? Or when she's coming back?"

"I'm truly sorry, Caleb," Roz apologized. "I don't."

----

The Families departed less than an hour later, their moods somber and pensive. There was nothing any of them could do but wait. Reid and Tyler went back to the dorms. Pogue and Hunter went back to their apartment. Caleb was alone with his mother.

"This is my fault," she said. Evelyn desperately craved a drink.

"No it's not," Caleb responded.

"I shouldn't have let anyone encourage her magic," his mother went on. "It's bad enough I might lose you," – Caleb winced – "but now I might lose my daughter…again."

She got up and went to the silver cart that held an array of alcohol. She poured herself a scotch and downed it.

"Mother," Caleb said. He looked on desolately, she was already pouring herself another drink.

"I lost my husband to this…darkness." Evelyn's voice was bitter. Glazed eyes settled upon her son. "It hovers over you like it did him."

"I'm not addicted," Caleb said firmly.

"Your father said the same thing," she bit out. She was sitting again, a lit cigarette in one hand, a full glass in the other. "Will I hear that from Rowan if she comes back?"

"_When_ she comes back," Caleb raised his voice. "She will." _She has to._

Evelyn said nothing, took a sip of her drink, a drag of her cigarette.

"And Rowan would never abuse any power she has," Caleb told her. When his mother still did not respond he sighed and left the room.

Ernie, Bubbe, and Bruce Lee, who had sensed the uneasy atmosphere and had stayed on the periphery, were close at Caleb's heavy heels. His tread was weighted down by his own heartache. He was too tired to carry his mother's, too.

----

It was almost midnight when Joseph, Wayne, and Glenn got out of their vehicles. They stood in front of the old wooden fence, barely waist high, that enclosed the old colony house. A light flickered in the upstairs window, otherwise the entire settlement was cloaked in darkness.

"Does he really need to know this?" Glenn asked.

"It's his daughter," Wayne said.

"It's all here now, just as we were told years ago," Joseph added blandly. "Let's go."

The three of them crossed the span of lawn that led to the front door. None of them had been here for some time. Since William had convalesced, they had all drifted apart in their own ways. Joseph became more invested in his lucrative business, traveling around the world more with his wife. Glenn devoted more time to his family and his practice. Wayne had not changed much. He owned an aviator business, primarily, inventing new ways for the contraptions to go faster and higher. He craved speed and thrills, a trait he had passed on to his son.

They made their way through the house by memory. The stairs creaked and moaned. Gorman was waiting for them, stoic as always. Glenn had called and told him what was happening, asking the caretaker to call them as soon as William awoke, no matter the hour.

"He's still awake," Gorman said, and left the room.

The three men exchanged brief glances before taking the final leap. They walked slowly until they came to a stop a few feet in front of William, their lost friend. Gorman had told William that they were coming, so the old young-man wasn't surprised to see them.

"Will," Wayne said.

_Been a while,_ William replied, speaking through his mind into theirs.

Joseph was the only one who didn't look contrite. He wasn't one for regrets.

_Why are you here?_ William asked. Even telepathically his voice sounded old.

"It's about Rowan," Glenn told him after a brief pause.

His aged eyes betrayed his immediate worry._ What's happened to my little girl? _

Joseph was tired of the pussy-footing. "Remember that warlock you killed several years ago?"

That warlock had been a Keeper, albeit an illegitimate one. The prophecy had been known to few, but this one had gotten wind of it and began stalking the Danvers. He had had it in mind to avert the prophecy by taking out whom it was centered on: Rowan Faith Danvers. Over-confident and reckless, the warlock, when discovered by William, had blurted out his plans. William did not give the warlock a chance to enact them, he killed the warlock with impunity.

"Apparently," Joseph went on, "a member of the Covenant double-damns himself if he kills a Keeper. A life forfeit."

"It's not your fault, Will," Glenn said. "There was nothing anyone could have done."

He had closed his eyes, deep in contemplation. Because he had killed that warlock, this Keeper, he had forsaken the hold he had had on his Power. Now he knew why he suddenly couldn't stop using, why his mind craved it more and more until he began seeing an old man in the mirror. It gave him a certain respite to know that he had not just simply given in like his father had.

_If that was the only way to protect my daughter and my family, then I would do it again,_ William said.

They were respectfully silent.

"That's not all," Glenn said. He told him about Rowan.

His breath became labored. Glenn gave his friend his oxygen mask until his lungs regained control. He took his blood pressure, not wanting William to overexert himself.

_How are my wife and son taking this?_

"Caleb was holding his own," said Glenn.

William felt a wealth of pride for his son. He was strong and would do great things in his life, he was sure of it. William wished like everything he could be there for his family now. For his wife, the woman he loved, whose heart he had broken. For his son, who he had caused to grow up before his time. But he reminded himself that he could have fought with all he had and still lost to his Power, because of the curse. That did not make this easier though. When would his family's pain end?

_And there is nothing to be done? Eve Delacroix must have something to say about this._

"Eve Delacroix is dying of cancer," Joseph said plainly.

"We can only hope, my friend," Glenn responded.

* * *

**I hope this wasn't too disjointed. I'd love to know what you think.**

**And I forgot last chapter to put that I have a picture of Rowan's fish's aquarium. It's silly but I thought it was a really cool aquarium and had to share. :)  
**


	14. Hope is the Thing with Feathers

**XIV. Hope is the Thing with Feathers**

_Hope is the parent of faith.  
-Cyrus A. Bartol_

Reid didn't know what he was doing coming here. He had just been tired of waiting, frustrated because of the so few answers provided. Rowan had been gone four days. He had woken up this morning on Friday, unable to go another day without knowing something about Rowan. It wasn't just about her not being here, he had gone longer without seeing her, but it was about her safety, the bitter uncertainty of Rowan's fate. If he had had any idea it would have come to this he would have tried something more to stop it. Reid believed that Rowan could accomplish anything she set her mind to, no matter what was said about her delicacy or fragility. She was those things, sure, but Rowan was still the strongest person Reid knew. So, what, physically Rowan was not the most durable, but this whole Keeper thing didn't seem to have much to do with strength of the body itself, did it?

He hadn't told anyone where he was going. He'd just booked the soonest flight to New Orleans, packed a small bag and took off, uncaring if he missed school or swim practice. He knew Nana's address and seen pictures of her house, but Reid had never actually been there. But he'd find it.

It was around six in the evening when Reid's plane landed at the Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport. It was crowded and loud, bustling like most any airport Reid knew. Reid hadn't been expecting anyone waiting for him. He didn't call Gabriel to meet him here. So it was to his surprise that he saw some guy who resembled Gabriel Grayraven standing apart from everyone else, scanning the crowd impatiently. Those eyes landed on him spot on Reid could almost feel it.

Reid walked to Michael Grayraven, whom he had only met a few times in his life.

"Yankee," Michael said.

"Mikey," Reid replied. That brought a cloud of acerbic discontent to the sorcerer's eyes. "I guess I don't need to ask how you knew I'd be here."

"You'd be wrong," he said in that French accent of his. He pivoted, giving Reid his back, assuming he would just follow.

Reid rolled his eyes, followed Michael out of the airport. Jesus Christ it was hot! And muggy. Reid had never felt such suffocating humidity. Michael chuckled wickedly.

He had parked pretty close to Reid's relief. His beaten down, rust-colored truck belonged somewhere in the Stone Ages, but when the Cajun started the engine it purred like a kitten. Obviously the good stuff was under the hood.

"So, Hunter called you," Reid said.

"_Mais_ _oui_," he replied sardonically. "So Yankee doesn't rely on magic all the time for his conveniences."

Reid scoffed. The guy was the polar opposite of his brother. Malcontent, sarcastic, less approachable. His hair was longer and grungier than Gabriel's, his face had sharper planes and his mouth was almost in a perpetual sneer that was surrounded by a stubbled chin. His clothes were clean but well-worn and washed-out.

A lit cigarette appeared out of nowhere between Michael's fingers, he took a long drag.

"And you're accusing me of relying on magic for conveniences?" Reid said snidely. He could see he scored one by the tightening of Michael's jaw. "Besides, I thought your mom didn't like you smoking."

Michael's eyes nearly bugged out, and he cursed in some slang Cajun.

Reid smirked. "Pretty sure your mom doesn't like you using improper French either."

The sorcerer flicked his cigarette out the window. "_Pischouette_ talks too much." But there was no real rancor when he mentioned Rowan. And the mention sobered Reid and he fell quiet.

It was growing dark and Reid could feel the events of the past week sapping his strength. He could barely sleep and his appetite was for shit, yet he did his best to push himself out the funk he was in so he could be alert when Rowan came back.

"You came here to talk to my _grandmère_?" Michael asked.

Reid didn't answer for a moment. "I don't know why I came here."

They didn't talk the rest of the way. A half hour later the truck was winding its way through a dirt path surrounded by foliage. The house came into view like an offering of sanctuary, and Reid could immediately tell why Rowan liked this place so much.

Roz came out onto the veranda wearing one of her colorful ensembles. She smiled at Reid, gave him a hug and a soft peck on the cheek.

"It's nice to see you again, Reid," Roz said.

"Yankees are swarming the place," Michael mumbled.

"Michel," his mother reprimanded, using the French pronunciation of his name.

"You must be hungry," she said to Reid. "Dinner is almost ready." A quick spurt of French to her son put another moue of malcontent on his face.

"Come on," he said, indicating for Reid to follow him upstairs.

They went down a long hall before stopping at a door. Michael flipped on the light. Reid could tell this was Rowan's room. There were animal rights posters on the wall; pictures of friends and family; dog, cat, and ferret beds; things that made Rowan…Rowan. Michael told him to settle himself and left, closing the door behind him. Reid was left alone in his girlfriend's room.

He set his duffle bag on the floor, sat on the bed. There was a double door that led to a small balcony, a bathroom/shower to the right. On the nightstand there was a framed picture of him and Rowan, a random shot taken at school one day a few months ago. It was during lunch, just sitting around the inside quad. Rowan was sitting between his legs, his arms were around her, his chin rested on her shoulder, both of them were smiling.

Reid sighed, got up, opened the balcony doors. The view was pretty. This place was isolated, but homey. He could feel the stickiness on his body and decided to take a quick shower and change. With the spontaneity of his morning he hadn't had a chance to shower. There was only herbal scented shampoo and soap. The lukewarm water cascaded down his body as he took the cap off and inhaled the contents of the bottle. Rowan.

Ten minutes later he was out of the bathroom, feeling fresh in a clean blue T-shirt, jeans, and fingerless gloves.

A soft knock on the door sounded. He opened it and Roz stood there.

"_Ma mere_ would like to have dinner with you."

Reid's brow rose in surprise. "How is she?"

Roz's regal features softened. "As can be expected."

The house was quiet. Its interior had the air of each of the Families' estates. Filled with history and antiques. Nana's room was on the first floor. It was a grand area with its own screened veranda that faced the lake and biggest cypress trees. The old lady was seated on the veranda at a small circular table. A quilt lay over her lap, her chair was padded. Her gray hair was done up in a bun, her blue dress was made of light cotton.

"Reid," Eve Delacroix said.

"I'll leave you two," Roz said. "Do you need anything, _Maman_?"

"_Non, merci, ma chéri." _She gave her daughter a gentle smile of love.

Roz's whispered footsteps receded from the room and Reid and Nana were left alone.

"Sit, sit," she said. Her voice was like honey, something pepperminty that reminded Reid of someone who could calm your every fear, someone who would tell you fables while you sat rapt at their feet, soaking up every word.

Now that he was here, Reid didn't know what to say. Having a conversation with Nana hadn't even been forefront on his mind when he'd hopped on that plane this morning. It seemed like ages ago.

"It's nice to see you," Reid said. Even though what he had mostly seen was in pictures. And this woman didn't quite resemble the ones he had seen. Despite her age Nana had appeared healthy, robust. Eve Delacroix was now thin, the sickly pallor was unmistakable; yet it did nothing to blight the life in her smile and eyes.

Eve's smile was bright. "It is always a pleasure." She was looking right at him as if she could really see him. He had a feeling she wasn't missing a thing. "Are you hungry?"

He was actually. The food was already set out on their plates. Jambalaya and some other good stuff that hit just the right spot in his stomach.

"This is really good," he complimented.

She nodded. "Michel is a wonderful cook."

He almost choked on his iced tea. "Michael cooked this?"

Nana chuckled. "My unruly grandson is full of surprises."

"He didn't poison mine, did he?"

That made Nana laugh louder. The old lady patted her mouth daintily with a white cloth then settled back in her chair. Reid was stuffed as well and did the same. The evening had cooled and the breeze was picking up. He felt himself almost drifting off into the comfort surrounding him.

"Why do you feel you've come here, _chérie_?" Nana's leathery hand grasped his in a motherly manner.

Reid sighed, taking his time answering. "I don't know. I got tired of…waiting. I came here."

"Hmm." She shut her eyes. "Here, help an old lady to bed."

Reid was gentle. Her arms were sticks beneath his hands, and holy crap she was short! Shorter than Rowan, and that was saying something. Nana's bed dwarfed her considerably. Reid pulled back the blankets, helped her onto the bed, took off her shoes, and covered her back up. She told him to pull up a chair and he did so. Nana took his hands in hers once more. The wind picked up outside and rattled the windows.

"Haven't you tried chemo, or radiation?" Reid blurted.

"An old lady such as me? No, it is my time."

"But…" It was difficult to gather the words. "Rowan's going to need you when she gets back."

"That is where you are mistaken," she said quietly. Her grip tightened. "My Rowan will need _you_."

His blue eyes flickered, averted from her penetrating stare. "Sometimes…I think that she could do better." He expelled a puff of air ruefully. "But there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her."

"This I know." She tapped his hand so he would look at her. "I can feel myself why Rowan has never lost faith in you Reid Garwin."

"Why?"

"You have a loving heart, a strong spirit, and a good soul." Her shoulders relaxed and she sunk into the pillows like a wilted flower. "Do not forget this. Promise Nana."

He nodded. "I promise."

"_Bien_. I know Rowan will be taken care of. All my loved ones."

Reid held her hand for a while more until he could tell that she was sleeping, her breaths labored. He gently put her hand over her waist and pulled the blankets up a tad higher.

"Thank you," he whispered.

----

Footsteps woke Reid up at four in the morning. It was still dark outside. Hushed whispers came from downstairs and he instinctively felt that something was wrong. Maybe it was the wind that told him. He went downstairs in shirt and sweats. A tall, pale man with black hair, glossy brown eyes and a fat ruby ring on his middle finger stood in the foyer with Roz, Michael and Gabriel who were in their PJs, too.

"It's time then?" the stranger asked.

"She's asked for you," Roz replied.

The stranger spared Reid a passing glance. Gabriel approached him.

"Is it…?" Reid's blue eyes slid to the direction of Nana's room.

Gabriel nodded. Michael accompanied them dumbly to the hallway that led to Nana's room. They took seats on the chaise lounge. A sad Roz emerged from Eve's room a moment later. She shut the door behind her. Gabriel pulled his mother into his arms before sitting her down.

It was fifteen minutes later when the stranger walked out of the room. His pallor was no longer pale but infused with a flush of color that made his eyes stand out more. Those eyes were sad. The man looked at Roz and gave her a near imperceptible nod of his head.

_Nana's gone_, Reid thought. Oddly, the loss was palpable to him, too. Likely nothing compared to what Gabe, Michael and Roz were feeling now; the three of them were leaning into one another in comfort.

The stranger had his eyes on Reid, dipped his head to the direction of the kitchen where Reid went with him.

"You must be Reid," the man said. His words held an accent Reid couldn't place. "I'm-"

"Raphael Spellman," Reid interjected, the man's identity clicking.

He half-smiled, held out his hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

When Reid grasped his hand, his nerves winced. "Jesus, you guys really are cold."

Raphael chuckled. "It comes with the territory I'm afraid."

Raphael Spellman was an old…old friend of the Delacroix family. He owned a chain of blood banks, a lucrative business he had started not only for himself, but for other vampires who wanted to not feed directly from anything living. It gave them a chance to live in peace with themselves and others.

The vampire's eyes were sad. "I was sorry to hear about Rowan," he told Reid. "I believe she will succeed in whatever trial is put before her."

Reid nodded. He could take this sincerity from the man. Rowan had known him since her first trip here. She had come home and told them all about the "really nice" vampire she had met. What would her reaction be when she came back and they would have to tell her that Nana had died during her absence?

Raphael could tell the young man was conflicted. Mourning over his lost love as he was his. Eve Delacroix. He had met her in her twenties and fallen irrevocably in love. But she was meant to have children, carry on her bloodlines, something he, as a vampire, could not provide; Raphael had had to accept this, but he was ever there for Eve and her family, even in her hour of death.

"There will be tough times ahead," the vampire voiced. He eyed Reid. "Are you up to it?"

----

The funeral was four days later. The Families flew down from Ipswich; Garwin, Parry, Simms, Danvers. The day of the procession was a bright one. The sky blue, not a cloud to be seen. It was a large crowd gathered around the Delacroix family mausoleum. There was a string quartet playing wispy music until the last attendee arrived. Roz got up from her seat and went to the podium.

Her words were filled with a wealth of sadness as she commemorated the life of Eve Delacroix. It was obvious that she had touched the lives of so many by the crowd of mournful and quietly respectful faces.

When Roz was finished, Gabriel took the podium. Hunter caught Gabriel's eye, gave him a look of support and love.

Reid stood in front of his parents, next to Tyler. The blond observed the people, wondering who each and every one of them were. How they knew Nana, what they knew about her.

_Rowan should be here_, Reid thought, before turning his attention back to Gabriel.

After Gabriel went Michael. His own speech was short but packed with emotion. When he resumed his chair, a little girl about six or seven then stepped up onto a stool so she could reach the microphone.

"I'm going to read a poem," she said clearly, "by Emily Dickinson. It is called _Hope is the Thing with Feathers_."

Hope is the thing with feathers  
That perches in the soul,  
And sings the tune--without the words,  
And never stops at all…

Caleb glanced out of the tail of his eye to check on his mother. To his relief she hadn't had a drink yet. If she got drunk at Nana's wake Caleb wasn't sure he could forgive her for a slight like that. Hopefully his mother recognized that this certainly wasn't the time to soak her grief with alcohol.

_Rowan should be here_, Caleb thought.

…And sweetest in the gale is heard;  
And sore must be the storm  
That could abash the little bird  
That kept so many warm…

Pogue hadn't been to a lot of funerals in his life. The ones he had gone to had been somewhat impersonal, friends of his parents or something. He was feeling this one though. He hadn't known Nana as well as his sister but he felt that he had known Eve Delacroix a little bit because of Rowan. He briefly thought of Kate back in Ipswich. Despite the situation and her denial, he knew she was pissed that he was missing her seventeenth birthday. But it took a serious backseat to what was happening now.

_Rowan should be here_, Pogue thought.

…I've heard it in the chillest land,  
And on the strangest sea;  
Yet, never, in extremity,  
It asked a crumb of me.

Tyler stood quietly by his best friend. He had sort of been waiting for Reid to go off on one of his crazy binges because of Rowan's disappearance, but instead of that, Reid had flown off to New Orleans without a word to anybody. He supposed it was better than going on a bender like he had done when Rowan was in a coma. Everyday he worried and thought about his little sister. Dizzy was beside herself, too. If only he could explain to her the real situation, not that that would make her worry less. And Tyler knew his girlfriend was trying to hold back her own tears to be strong for him.

_Rowan should be here,_ Tyler thought.

"The end," the little girl said, ending her recitation.

* * *

**Okay, I saw a couple more people alerted this story. What do you think?**

**Thanks much to others who continue to read and/or review. It is always appreciated. :)  
**


	15. Killers are Quiet

**XV. Killers are Quiet**

_Cycle of life  
and death supposedly  
__goes 'round and 'round  
yet it stops with me__  
Glorious hunter of my faith  
I have sinned__  
Killers are quiet like  
the breath of the wind  
-Slipknot_

_I know they're coming for him soon. _

_It seems like ages since I was hurled back through time but it's only been two months. My family must be going insane. Lucius, in his near-infinite power, called me back. He became my tutor, reminding me of a male version of Nana. I think about her everyday, two months is a long time to be away from home. I'm getting ahead of myself though. There's so much more that has happened; it clusters in my mind like a metastasizing cancer. One thing after the other, expanding. _

_My ancestors frighten me. They are nothing like what was in my dreams. Naturally, they don't look like my brothers and Reid. But I knew who was who when I saw them. The resemblances are there._

_Augustus Putnam exudes evil and mania. I saw him for the first time when I was in the market with Lucius. Those dark eyes locked onto me like a basilisk and my blood ran cold. He was holding the hand of a little boy, his son, John; who I know will take after his father in his bid for power. He will rape Goody Pope in the guise of an incubus. He will be the last executed in Salem. After that, it's unclear, so far as I remember it. My mind is foggy._

_The other four, Reuben Danvers, Malachai Garwin, Phelix Parry, and Benedict Simms wield as much authority here as Augustus. But I could tell they were all on the brink of addiction. It vibrates around them. Their wives and children don't see it. Maybe that's why they believe Augustus' wild recriminations. The want of power is already ingrained in them too deep that they cannot imagine being apart from it. Lucius told me they could still be helped, they aren't so far gone, but it's hopeless for Augustus. _

_My mentor is a seer, too, like Nana. He already knows the outcome of this, yet does nothing to try to stop it. Some things must go their course, he told me. You sound like my Nana, I replied. _

_The town was told that I am his great-niece. Before last week, Lucius was much beloved in the community. How quickly people turn on you with one word of accusation with little to no evidence to back it up. Lucius is a good man. Kind, compassionate, he's been the presiding physician around here for years. But they've all seem to forgotten the good he's done. Now, to them, he's a heretic, devil worshipper, a witch. And me, with him, the devil's apprentice._

_And here we both are now, in this grimy, damp, cold dungeon. We haven't been fed since we were taken. No water either. We're wearing dirty sheets, our wrists are bound. The abrasive fiber rubs against my skin and I can feel the crusty blood around it. I fought it too much. Trying to stand up for Lucius, I tried to tell my ancestors that what they were doing was wrong, Augustus was playing them for fools. Silly me._

_I was taken in the middle of the village and given five lashes for my speaking out of turn. It hurt like hell. I think Augustus was expecting a more fierce screaming, and caterwauling. But I just remembered the pain of the car accident and it took my mind away to make the public whipping more bearable. Augustus would have ordered twenty lashes for my insolence, but not even his brethren could stomach that. Should I thank them for intervening?_

_Augustus had smiled cruelly, cut me down from the wooden post, and delivered a swift kick of his booted foot into my stomach, knocking the breath out of me. _

"_She is no child!" he yelled. He then picked me up by my hair, presenting me to the crowd. "Observe, the wolf in sheep's clothing!"_

_His eyes held no humanity. It put genuine fear into my heart. _

_I looked into the eyes of the Covenant. None could return my gaze for more than a second. I think deep down they know what they are doing is wrong. They know Augustus is crazy. I call these men weak for letting their minds be so easily swayed by one so obviously maniacal. They take the word of poisonous man over Lucius, who has done nothing but try to guide them, teach them, and keep them from madness._

_Ingrates._

_----_

"_Are they coming today?" Rowan asked Lucius._

_Even in such a dead-end situation Lucius grinned wisely. "Soon."_

_Rowan's numbed fingers twitched. Pain. She was on the opposite side of the small dungeon, facing Lucius who was sitting cross-legged, with his back erect against the cold, hard wall. He reminded her of Gandhi. _

_She hadn't made one complaint. If Lucius could be strong about this, she would try to be, too. But she was frightened, angry, confused. _

"_Fear not," Lucius told her gently. "All will come into place."_

_Rowan's eyes peered out at him through heavy lids. She wasn't as regally positioned as her mentor. No matter how she sat it exacerbated the ever-growing ache in her hip. The chill was doing nothing for her already prone-to-congestion lungs, and her bones which tended to pick up cold like radar detected missiles. _

"_How is your back?"_

_She licked her cracked, dry lips. God, what she wouldn't do for a toothbrush and toothpaste. "It's okay."_

_Lucius admired this little sprite before him. She had been a good pupil. Apt and interested despite the circumstances. He was truly sorry it had to be this way, taking her away from all she knew to teach her the way of a Keeper. He had enjoyed hearing her own tales of her life in the future. Her brothers and…boyfriend, as she referred to Reid Garwin as, sounded like good-hearted people. It was sad her father had succumbed to addiction, and her mother to the cups. Lucius was pleased to find that Rowan's familiars were animals, they were good allies to have. _

"_I believe you can do it, Rowan," he said._

_Invoking the Spirit. Could she? She would have to, otherwise she would die. _

_They heard the voices and the heavy footsteps outside. Her heart immediately began to pound and she was more alert. Rowan tamped down her panic, she wouldn't let them see it._

_A stoic Benedict Simms appeared in the doorway and descended the steps. Behind him was Malachai Garwin. Simms unlocked the chains around Lucius' ankles, and Garwin undid Rowan's. Lucius had more control over his steps than she did. If it weren't for Malachai, Rowan would have fallen to her knees. _

_The sunlight made her dizzy. It was almost like her dream. The villagers threw rotten refuse at them as they were paraded through the crowd that denounced them vilely. In the middle of the community was one great pyre. Augustus, Reuben, and Phelix were already presiding. They began to truss up Lucius like steer on a spit. Rowan saw no sense of panic in him. Cool as the proverbial cucumber. _

_Rowan wasn't five feet away from the bottom of the pyre. She looked up at Lucius, tears in her eyes, fear in her heart for him. Malachai stood behind her, held her up, his grip was rough and careless. It was odd knowing that Malachai's great-great-great-Reid Garwin held her in such a different way. _

"_Malachai," Augustus intoned._

_The blond Son passed her over to Reuben. Malachai stood before the crowd now, ready to narrate what would happen to Lucius._

"_You are all blind," Lucius interrupted, his voice raised and commanding._

_Malachai's rhythm was pushed off course. _

"_Silence!" Augustus ordered._

_The old man's eyes pierced Augustus' like a shining lance of pure light. "You see not your addiction, Augustus Putnam. For your impetuousness and failure to see the truth, you are damning yourself and your offspring."_

_The villagers gasped._

"_See!" Augustus screamed. "See how he tries to work his devilry even now!"_

_Lucius looked each of the other Sons in the eyes. "For this, you all are damned as well."_

"_Devil!" someone cried out._

"_Heretic!"_

"_Burn him!"_

"_Let loose the torch," Putnam ordered Phelix Parry._

_And the faggots caught fire, the hay, and all the implements used to kindle the burning flames. _

_Lucius smiled serenely at Rowan in farewell._

"_Have faith," Rowan heard him say in her mind. _

_And he began chanting under his breath. His words would carry on into the distant future, touching the lives of every Son and their families as the flames consumed him. _

_----_

_Rowan lay crying in the dungeon, alone. She curled herself in a fetal ball. She hadn't wanted to watch, but Reuben Danvers had ordered her eyes open, unable to look away. It was not pretty, seeing someone burn. She had come to love Lucius like family. And her ancestors killed him. Like they would do her._

_Her tears were becoming spent. Without Lucius here her resolve weakened. All her life, she was used to being surrounded by people who loved her, she never took that for granted. There was nobody, not one person, in this community who felt an ounce of tenderness for her. No, they all wanted her killed. Imagine, being surrounded by a bunch of people who wanted nothing but to see you burn to death on a stake. _

_Rowan shivered and tried to fold her body tighter. A rat pitter-pattered close to her face, twitching its nose._

"_Hello," she rasped. She couldn't pet him. Her hands were still bound behind her back. For her solicitude the rat put its nose against the tip of hers. It tickled._

_Rowan was pretty sure it was night now. Time didn't matter so much anymore._

"…_is the thing with feathers…" she recited. _

_Her voice was a crackled whisper. Barely audible. _

"…_sings the tune…without the words…never stops…at all…"_

_She drifted in and out._

"…_heard in the chillest land…strangest sea…"_

_In. Out. _

"…_never…asked a crumb…of me."_

_----_

_My throat is too raw to protest when they come take me in the morning. My limbs are too beaten and heavy to resist them. Even if I could, I'm not strong enough. My vision is blurry, the faces that pass me by are one and the same._

_After they have tied me to the stake, Augustus mockingly asks me if I have any last words. The crowd goes quiet._

_I blink wearily out at them, my eyes surpassing the mob, up to the sky._

_They can't hear my words, but they don't need to. Only the Covenant hears me. That's all that matters._

"_Powers awaken, rekindle in me;/the forces of Air, blow above me…"_

_Augustus lights this pyre himself. Smoke fills my senses._

"…_The forces of fire, burn within me/the forces of Water, flow around me…"_

_I hope I'm strong enough to do this. To get home._

"…_The forces of Earth, grow below me…"_

_The fire burns the tips of my toes, a bright light blinds me._

"…_And so it now is/and so it shall be…"_

_In my mind's eye I see myself hurtling through space and time._

"…_All the powers of nature/awakened in me."_

_

* * *

_**I was originally going to put snippets of Rowan's time in the past throughout the final chapters, but I thought it better to get it in one place. **

**Feedback is, of course, welcome. :)  
**


	16. The Beauty and the Tragedy

_A/N: Tis the last chapter, this is! :) Thank you to those who continued to read._

_A bit of a warning: sex in this chapter at the end. Not overly graphic, I don't think.  
_

**XVI. The Beauty and the Tragedy**

_For I am finding out that love  
kill and save me  
Taking the dreams that made me up  
And tearing them away__  
But the same love will take  
this heart that's barely beating  
And fill it with hope beyond the stars  
__Only love  
-Trading Yesterday_

The final bell rang. That was the last exam. Today was the last day of school. It didn't quite bring the sigh of relief it usually did with Hunter and the Sons of Ipswich. Rowan was still gone. Yearbook signing was a half-hearted activity. Even the most gregarious students didn't know what to say to them. After Nana's funeral in April, they returned to Ipswich to wait. Two months? It felt more like two years.

Caleb didn't linger after school. He went straight home to feed the dogs who became disruptive when left alone too long. When Caleb was home the three animals would follow him around afraid he would disappear as Rowan had. It was comforting nonetheless, even if his nights were spent with four-limbed fur balls.

He met up with Hunter in the parking lot. Pogue was staying behind to help Kate pack up her dorm.

"Hey," Hunter greeted. He didn't look to great either. There were dark circles under his eyes and his smile was heavy.

Before Caleb could reply his cell phone rang. Hunter watched his brother's face when he answered. Emotions that spanned from weary to confused to tentative hope flashed on and off his face before Caleb said: "Hospital."

----

The regular hospital staff wasn't surprised to see the gathering in the waiting room. Caleb and Evelyn were forefront while the rest hovered in the background. Glenn Simms had been on call when he had heard a girl had been brought in after being found walking along the highway. He had just known it was Rowan.

"Tell me what is going on, Glenn," Evelyn demanded in a near hysterical voice.

"You can't see her right-"

"What do you mean I can't see her?" Evelyn shot back. "I damn well can!"

"Evie," Rosalind soothed, "they're doing a physical examination right now."

"Is she badly hurt?" Caleb asked Glenn.

"I only saw her for a minute," Mr. Simms replied. "She…she doesn't look good."

"What does that mean?" Reid blurted harshly, unable to keep quiet anymore. His nerves were about to snap he wanted to see Rowan so much.

"Mrs. Danvers?" A doctor in green scrubs walked into the waiting room.

"Yes?" Evelyn said.

The doctor eyed the crowd fleetingly. "If you could come with me-"

"I want to see my daughter," Evelyn ordered.

"This is Dr. Reynolds," Glenn told Evelyn.

Dr. Reynolds smiled that doctor's smile that wasn't gloomy but wasn't happy either. It was polite. Doctors rarely met people for the first time in hospitals under good circumstances.

"Tell me what is happening with my daughter," Evelyn said again.

The doctor paused, eyes flicked to the gathering.

"They're family," she said shortly.

Dr. Reynolds nodded. "She was found walking barefoot in the city wearing a long cloth. She has acute pneumonia, and some bruising over her body. There is evidence of restraint-"

"Restraint?"

He tried to put it delicately. "Her wrists are heavily abraded which is consistent with prolonged rope burn. Her back…There are five lashes on her back. Not too deep, it could leave some light scarring, but they're fairly recent. We also performed a rape kit…"

"Reid," Tyler said quietly, putting a firm hand on his friend's rigid shoulder. He saw that Reid's eyes were heavily dilated, almost black.

Evelyn eyes closed. "Please tell me my baby wasn't…" She couldn't say it.

"No, ma'am. There is no evidence forced penetration. Her hymen is still intact."

Tyler felt Reid's body relax slightly. He noticed his did, too. There was a collective sigh of relief to know that Rowan hadn't faced that indignity.

"I haven't spoken with the police yet, but they do want to talk her," Dr. Reynolds was saying.

"I think not! She doesn't need people interrogating her," Evelyn exclaimed.

"Can we see her?" Caleb interrupted.

"She's sedated," Dr. Reynolds said. "Immediate family for now."

Which meant just Evelyn and Caleb. They followed the doctor to where Rowan was staying. She was hooked up to an IV, bandages around her wrists. Her face was bruised. She looked like she had gone through hell and back.

The automatic doors hissed open to admit them. Dr. Reynolds went inside, too, but respectfully stood aside. Evelyn and Caleb went on either side of Rowan's bed. Caleb gently took Rowan's hand. It was scratched and bruised. Her fingernails were broken. She looked broken.

"Your daughter is extremely malnourished and dehydrated," the doctor said, his voice modulated. "I believe she's been deprived of food and water for the better part of a week."

"Hey, Row," Caleb whispered in her ear. "It's Cay. We're going to get you out of here soon, all right?"

The door hissed and a nurse came in, whispered something at the doctor.

"Mrs. Danvers?" Dr. Reynolds said. "The police are here."

Sheriff Reeves and Deputy Kirk were just outside, looking through the window.

"Do we have to talk to them now?" Caleb asked.

Dr. Reynolds was sympathetic. "Your sister won't be waking up for a while."

Evelyn took a breath, pried her eyes away from her daughter. "I'm taking her home."

"Yes, she can be released-"

"No," she responded forcefully. "She's been gone for two months. I want her home now. I'll have Dr. Simms arrange for in-home care."

"Mom?"

"Mrs. Danvers, I really must-"

The doctor didn't get his way. Neither did the police. Rowan was discreetly transported in an ambulance to the Danvers' estate. Glenn and Rosalind Simms would oversee her health care. It was unorthodox, but even the families had to admit it was a wise decision. Rowan had returned from God knew where under less than normal circumstances. Whatever would be forefront in her mind when she woke up would be things that no one outside the Covenant needed to hear. And they also knew Rowan would prefer to wake up in her own bed than in a hospital.

Atticus Crane held back Sheriff Reeves with a studied hand and legalese, giving the Danvers' time to situate Rowan. The search that had been going on for Rowan Danvers was called off. Atticus also took care of the bothersome press. Magic could also be a valuable legal aide.

And the sun had been set for three hours before Rowan woke up. Her vision was blurry; she felt the exact same way she had when she'd woken up in the seventeenth century. Wait, no, she felt worse now. Her back was on fire, the rest of her body ached. For an instant a crippling fear overcame her. What if she were back in the dungeon? Had her invocation worked? Or was it all a bad dream?

"Row?"

That was her brother's voice. She'd know it anywhere. His face was a huge blob at the moment.

"Let me get you some water."

_Water?_ Rowan coughed when it touched her tongue. When was the last time she had water?

"Where'm I?" she asked.

"Home."

"Is she awake?" Reid asked quietly. He must have been hovering outside the door.

She didn't have the energy to move her head. Good thing breathing was one of the body's automated functions.

"Nana."

Quiet fell like a heavy drape.

"Nana," she repeated louder. "Where's she?"

"Rowan, try to rest, okay?" her brother said, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"No." Her pulse was rising, breaths came in spasms. "Where is she?" Her hands rubbed at her eyes in vain, trying to make the blur go away. It hurt. She summoned whatever she could within to raise herself.

"Don't get up," Caleb said.

"Come on, Row, you need to rest," Reid added.

"Let go!" she screamed. Rowan knew that would bring more people, she had to get out of here. Had to get to Nana. Because…because…she didn't want to hear what they had to say. "Let go of me!" Rowan ripped the IV needle out of her hand.

"Get Tyler's dad," Caleb ordered.

"No!" she yelled. Her hand connected with something; likely it caused her more pain than it did her brother's face.

"Please, Rowan."

"Where is she?" she sobbed. She was sick of being man-handled. Heat infused her brain like the sound of crashing waves, hurtling her back to the dungeon. "Let go! Let go!"

Her eyes flashed white and she heard her brother grunt and fall back. Her bare feet touched the floor, but her legs wouldn't support her and she went down hard. That small spurt of power sapped her strength. Rowan knew she was screaming like a crazy person. But all she wanted was to hear Nana's gently accented voice telling her it would be okay. Instead she felt the jab of a needle, and the world went dark… She was getting used to that.

----

It was time to open her eyes. Her sub-conscious was at an impasse, get alert or stay in this fog of semi-existence. The puffiness was gone from her eyes, her vision was clear again. The aches in her body were less crippling. Ernie was sleeping in the crook of her arm, Bubbe was up by her head, Bruce Lee was…nowhere to be found.

There was no needle in her hand. _When did I get off the IV? _It was five in the morning and Rowan wasn't aware of the day or week. She vaguely remembered occasional intervals of wakefulness, but it was still pretty hazy. The date on her alarm clock read July second. Thinking back she recalled the flashing white light, then the feeling of being catapulted forward. Then the wandering, the sounds of vehicles whizzing by. A kind lady getting out of her car and asking her if she needed help. The hospital…waking up at home…asking for Nana.

_Nana._

Rowan felt her heart breaking because she knew the truth. Nana was dead. And Rowan hadn't been there for her.

She extricated herself from Ernie, rose slowly, then tried her legs. A minor wave of dizziness gripped her and she balanced herself with one hand on her bedside table. Slowly, she made her way to the bathroom; the tile was cold beneath her feet. Rowan braced the palms of her hands on the counter, head hung. The image in the mirror was a shell of herself. Dark circles rimmed her eyes; her cheeks were sunken, hair limp and oily.

She looked lost.

She stripped the nightgown off of her. Ribs visible. She turned around. The five lashes on her back were scabby. Rowan ripped off the bandages around her wrists. The redness was gone, but Rowan knew those tiny scars that formed a band around her flesh were there to stay.

Rowan emitted a shaky sigh. Shower. She needed a shower. The water felt good on her body, hot water. She scrubbed herself three times, washed her hair twice. After, she put lotion on, detangled her hair, trimmed her finger and toe nails. Brushed her teeth two times. Put on some ChapStick.

By now it was six. She donned one of her gypsy skirts, tee, and a light zip up hoodie.

"Breakfast?" she asked Ernie and Bubbe. She needed to find Bruce Lee.

She had to walk slow. Her legs still hurt and she was definitely still weak.

----

Reid heard Ernie and Bubbe padding down the halls before they showed up in the kitchen. He had just been giving Bruce Lee his breakfast. Reid didn't normally function this early in the morning, but operating on a normal level seemed to be a thing of the past. He was just about to greet the animals when Rowan appeared too.

Reid stopped cold when she noticed him.

Reid, Caleb, Tyler and Pogue had been banned and barred from seeing her since she got back because she became hysterical whenever she saw them. He figured they reminded her of their ancestors. Glenn Simms even forbid them from looking in on her when she was sleeping. Only Hunter was allowed.

The fever that had gripped her for the past two weeks spawned bouts of night terrors, nonsensical rambling, crying, and catatonia. Too much. Reid wondered now what Rowan would do, seeing him standing across the kitchen.

She was as still as a statue, watching him warily like she was afraid, like she thought he would hurt her.

"Hi," he said quietly.

Rowan's eyes scanned the room. "It's early," she finally said.

He half-smiled. "Yeah." There were so many things he wanted to say to her but he couldn't form the words. _I missed you. I love you. Can I hold you? _

"They need breakfast," Rowan said.

Rowan observed him warily, and she hated that she was. Flashes of her ancestors came to mind. The resemblances. Remembering their faces as they tied her to the stake.

"It's all right, Rowan," Reid's voice broke through.

"I…" _Don't cry._

He found himself three feet in front of her, and she took a cautious step backwards. Reid tried to hide his hurt.

_I really hate my ancestors right now_, he thought, and not for the first time.

"Coffee?" he asked, covering up the silence. "No, tea. Tyler's dad said it would take a while before your stomach could handle that."

Rowan sat down at the table while he made her tea. Bruce Lee hopped up on her lap and the other two animals curled up under the table.

"You woke up sometimes long enough for Hunter or somebody to give you some broth," Reid was saying.

"Not you?"

Reid stopped what he was doing. "You wouldn't let us see you."

Her brow creased. Then she nodded slightly, recalling it. She accepted the hot mug he set before her. He sat across from her.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault," he replied.

Silence. "I called you Malachai?"

"Yeah."

"You're not Malachai."

"Hell no," Reid said, he was rewarded with a tiny smile from Rowan.

"Tell me about Nana."

For the first time Rowan looked him in the eye. There was so much pain in them that Reid almost shut his own so he wouldn't have to see, knowing there was nothing he could do to take it away.

"I went there four days after you were gone."

"You were there? Why?"

"I think I needed to see her."

She bit her lip. "It was fast?"

"I think so. That vamp Raphael was there. I think he…" Reid stopped himself. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say.

"Oh." Pause. "Then it was painless, too." Her face softened.

"We all went to her funeral," he told her.

A tear slipped down her cheek. "She's really gone."

He wanted to reach over and take her hands in his, but the space across the table might as been as wide as the Grand Canyon.

----

A few days went by; with each Rowan became more active. She took walks in the garden, played fetch with Ernie. Went back to her sanctum sanctorum. She accepted her brothers' presence, but she still wouldn't let anyone touch her. Rosalind Simms came over everyday to take Rowan's vitals. The rest of the families visited her too.

If you caught her at a particular time Rowan would end up talking about Lucius and her time in the seventeenth century. It was usually in the middle of night. She had trouble sleeping, had the occasional anxiety or panic attack. She went back on her medication which helped a little. She tried venturing into town, but the sounds of the modern day were almost too much for her to process.

There were a lot of memories in her mind to compartmentalize and disassemble that it was overwhelming. A lot of the time she would sit and stare out into nothing.

----

Rowan was sitting on a swing rocking it back and forth with her foot. The setting sun was warm on her face and the breeze was soft. A month and a half she had been back now. She'd regained some of the weight she lost, food settled in her stomach better and she had more energy.

Her brother was sitting on the other swing. It was a sight seeing the eldest Son of Ipswich on a child's play set. The kids at Spensers would be beside themselves. He watched his sister out of the corner of his eye. Her eyes were closed, head leaned against the chain.

The others were sitting on the grass; Pogue tossing a ball for Ernie; Bubbe curled up next to Tyler; Hunter tossing a smaller ball for Bruce Lee; Reid sitting closer to Rowan.

"Lucius said that you guys sounded like a more grounded lot than the others," Rowan stated idly.

Caleb chuckled.

"Said you guys sounded like good people."

"Maybe it was just the way you told it, Lil Bit," Pogue said wryly.

"Hey!" Reid chided. "Speak for yourself."

She opened her eyes. Her irises were light brown today. "No. I could have written it down and he'd have come to the same conclusion. You guys are better. Said I was lucky to have a Shepherd, too."

Hunter smiled. "What was he like?"

"Lucius was a cross between Gorman and Nana," Rowan said, her voice easing into a nostalgic, affectionate tone when mentioning Nana. "And he thought Pogue's middle name was amusing."

They all laughed, and Pogue looked scandalized.

After a minute Tyler said, "I don't get how they could just take Putnam's word for it."

Rowan knew she should tell them what had gone on. They were their ancestors, too, after all.

"They were addicted," Caleb said, disdain apparent.

"Only Putnam," Reid said disgustedly. "The others just followed."

"Why didn't Lucius try harder to convince them?" Pogue said aloud.

"There wasn't anything he could say," Rowan sighed. "We had the entire town against us."

"Mob mentality," Hunter worded.

"Stupidity," Tyler amended.

"They loved their power too much," Caleb added; his voice was distant, thinking of his own father.

"Yeah, well, those shitheads got owned in the end," Reid spat.

"Us, too," Tyler reminded him, blue eyes serious.

And they were all thinking: _Can it be undone?_

Rowan eyes were closed, drifting off again as her brothers and Reid discussed their ancestor's follies. It struck Rowan's mind that she would have to write about her time spent with Lucius. Put in the archives maybe. For future generations. Somebody like Lucius shouldn't be forgotten.

----

Reid found Rowan in her room later that night. She was sitting on her bed gazing out the window. She turned her head when she heard him, gave him a soft smile. She patted the empty space next to her. Reid thought that this was the closest she'd allowed him since she got back. She scooched closer so they were thigh to thigh, laid her head on his shoulder.

It was instinctive, ingrained in him to kiss her on her head. She took his hand, eschewed his fingerless gloves to entwine her fingers with this.

"That's better," he said.

Rowan smiled.

After a moment, she said: "When I was locked up in the dungeon, I was thinking that that was the longest I'd ever gone without so much as a hug. All my life I've been around people who love me, and after Lucius was killed, there wasn't anyone."

And then she truly knew the meaning of lonely, she said to him. It was like facing a firing squad, maybe worse though she couldn't think of how. Reid listened as Rowan told him how afraid she was, how the utter insanity in Putnam's eyes made her cold.

"And I could tell all of them but Putnam were conflicted. But they did it anyway." She looked at Reid and had tears in her eyes. "How much do you love your power, Reid?"

"Not more than you. Not even close," he said.

"They weren't even addicted, and they chose it."

"I wouldn't."

Rowan nodded. "I don't want this power," she told him quietly. "But I have it now. It's there." She sighed and snuggled closer to him. "You're warm."

Reid put his arm around her, touched her cheek with his other hand. "I missed doing that."

They kissed. It was like finding each other again. His body covered her like she knew and she pulled him closer. Close so she could feel him against her hip. All she had to do was remember how hollow she felt in that dungeon, those entire two months, and Rowan would hold on tighter. Even in her dreams she'd wanted Reid and his touch. Like now.

His shirt got tossed to the ground. Rowan ran her hands down his smooth muscled back. Addled brained with pleasure and love Reid didn't fully realize how far they'd gone until they were both half naked; him in his boxers, she in her panties.

"Row," he cautioned. The pulling away was damned near painful. His eyes roamed down her face and further down. She was beautiful, scars and all. But still. Rowan tugged him back down, kissed him.

_Damn, damn, damn… _"We don't have to do this now," he said, his voice husky.

"I want to."

He stared at her, searching for any signs of doubt. There was naked vulnerability in her eyes. Reid stifled a groan when she touched him below the waist. His resolve was pretty weak and he had to shut his eyes to keep the room from spinning. His forehead rested just between her breasts, he could feel her heart pounding beneath her sternum. Reid's lips kissed her softly, whispered across her velvet skin.

He kissed each of her breasts, and Rowan's small hitches of pleasure made him do it again, lingering on each. Rowan cupped his face in her hands.

"I need you."

As much as he knew she loved him, he didn't think she had ever said that to him before.

"I don't have anything."

"I don't care."

"I can't…"

"Reid." She wasn't thinking of that. This wasn't some heat of the moment dismissal. She had almost missed this too many times. She had brushed death too many times to miss this. She wanted to feel for as long as she had felt so numb.

"I don't want to hurt you," he told her as his thumb caressed her cheek.

But they were both there, where they needed to be. They slipped under the covers. Rowan wrapped her arms around him. Her body shivered beneath his; from her breasts against his chest, her inner thighs against his waist.

"Be sure," he said between kisses. _I don't want you to regret me._

Her answer was to reach down between them, grasp him gently but firmly. When he touched her his jaw tightened, feeling her like this. He swore his heart was about to drum right out of his chest if it beat any harder. He let it lay like that, trailing kisses down the side of her neck.

Rowan tensed when he pushed a little. Reid went slow. He was as vulnerable as she was, because for once he didn't care about getting his. All he wanted was for this to be right for her. But she felt good around him the deeper he went. He tried to make it as painless as possible when he pushed through her. Rowan muffled the brief moan of pain in the crook of his neck.

Reid relaxed when her body did.

"Don't move," he said. _Christ, if she moves I'm going to… _He wasn't letting that happen. No way in hell.

And when he had control of himself he started a slow rhythm which Rowan picked up. The hold she had on him, taut and close physically; consuming both in mind and heart. He could hear himself whispering her name, and she would say his back. All this intermingled with soft or deep sounds of pleasure. Rowan wrapped her thighs around his waist, guiding him in deeper.

They both knew they were reaching that point. The flow of their movements became more heated, insistent. Reid had to restrain himself; this was her first time, he couldn't…but this was nothing like he had ever felt before. Maybe love did it make it different.

Reid's entire body seized when he came, a head to toe-curling swell of sensation that hit him twice in succession. He could feel her let go, too. It was in that sharp intake of breath, the ripple through her body, and the arch of her back.

Ecstasy, satisfaction, relief, contentment. Peace.

Reid continued to lay on top of her, he couldn't move. He just breathed; his chin was on her shoulder. Rowan was running her fingers through his hair and he was afraid if he stirred she might stop.

"Did you fall asleep?" she asked quietly.

He chuckled, raised himself up on his forearms. She had tears on her cheeks.

"Oh, shit, did I hurt you?"

Rowan shook her head. "I'm a girl. I'm supposed to cry after I have sex for the first time."

"Sex?" he repeated, as if the word were a slight. "That was making love," he told her with a smile.

"Making love," she corrected.

"That's better," he responded with pompous satisfaction. He kissed her. "You sure you're okay?"

"Mmm-hmm."

He rumbled in the back of his throat, put his forehead on hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I swear if you ever go somewhere again, I'll follow you. You won't be alone."

"That sounds good."

----

At three in the morning Rowan woke up. It was time. She knew it. Gently, she extricated herself from Reid who continued to sleep like a baby. Bubbe had her side of the bed taken before it was even cold.

She put jeans, tee, and jacket, then went to Hunter's room which was three doors down where he always stayed. He was splayed out on his stomach.

Rowan kneeled by the bed and whispered his name. His eyes opened without any trouble.

"Hmm? What? Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I need you to come with me."

He turned on the bedside lamp. Observed her. Seemed ok.

"I'm not feverous, Hunter," she said. "Come on."

He donned some clothes too and five minutes later they were in her jeep, him behind the wheel as she directed him where to go. It was near where the Colony house was, but way off to east of it. They drove deeper into the forest.

"Stop here," she said. "We have to go on foot now."

They walked hand in hand comfortably. He was fine to take her lead, she seemed to know where she was going.

"This was the trail that led to Lucius' cottage," she finally said. "It's a bit overgrown now, of course."

He looked around. "Not a path in sight, Row."

"Yeah. His cottage was two miles that way." She pointed. "They torched it though. But we're going here."

They went the opposite direction for about a mile. Then they came to a stop. Four trees strategically placed amidst an entire forest were before them.

"We step through south-west," – she walked with him through the lower left side – " and then through south-east."

"But then we're ending up-"

But they didn't end up where they began. They'd gone in an upside-down arc, and now twenty feet ahead was a small cottage. Rowan smiled.

"This is where it all is," she told him.

"All what?"

She opened the door. Candles lit up. It was like a small library. Oddly free of dust.

"I don't think anybody's been here in over a hundred years," Rowan said. "Well, technically, I was in this place over a month ago, just not in this time period." She pointed. "Look."

In the corner a large tome was set on a podium.

"Is this…?" Hunter's voice trailed off.

"Yeah." Rowan's hand ran over the cover of the gilded tome. "The Book of Deliverance."

THE END

* * *

**And there it ends.** :) **Just to be evil I won't post the fourth installment until I get at least five reviews. LOL. No, I'm kidding. Ten reviews. Kidding again. Sorry, sugar's kicked in. Maybe I'm not kidding at all.  
**

**I was going to wait a while for Reid and Rowan to consummate their relationship, but I felt this was a decent time to do so. **

**Anywho, the fourth part will be entitled "Keeping Faith" and will of course chronicle their senior year. **

**Thank you again to the readers. Most appreciated. :D  
**


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